goodbyes 6.17.25 (8:32 pm / 10:32)
goodbyes are never really slammed doors
they’re slipping away
walking away
willingly even though you still can’t understand why

they’re looking back over your shoulder
knowing that is the last you’ll ever see of them

goodbyes for me are never crying
just standing there
staring ahead with dry eyes
wondering what just happened

maybe i’m saying goodbye wrong

[playing: marjorie by taylor swift]

I drink in manipulation,
My soul bathes in it.

I love it like water,
Need it to breathe.

So keep it coming,
Keep on using me.

I'll never say goodbye,
Until I die.

Something lives,
Between the first 'Good Morning.'
And the last 'Gn.'

What lived was love,
So proud to have it.

Hey everyone (aka the like 5 ppl who matter to me on this app)

I'm taking a hiatus from life for a bit.

I'm being admitted (partially by choice) to a psychiatric ward.

Do not worry about me, I will be ok.

I just need a little extra help after everything that has happened.

I'll post something when I can come back

Be safe.

Stay gold, 🌙

Yours truely,

Liam, (Host of the Blue Bottle System)

The saddest goodbyes
are not the ones that are said
but are left untold

It suits you
             And me
That's all that matters  
It suits
The mirror not to reflect less of you
It suits
Your clothes to lie that they've grown

To use fountain pens
                             Write left handed
            Smudge words with wrists
           Before meaning can be seen

It suits us to know
                           Without telling each other

I want to feel you
To sit in your skin
I want to wear you
To hide within

I want to be you
To let people know
You're an amazing person
wherever I go

I want to feel you
to hold you close
but now you're gone
like a ******* ghost...

January 25,

Im grateful he messaged an escort during my panic attack
I’m grateful he was acting weird with his phone
I’m grateful he kept me up all night till 6am drunk
I’m grateful he slammed doors yelling at me
I’m grateful he screamed in my face while wagging his finger

I’m grateful I questioned him
I’m grateful the escort cooperated
I’m grateful his brother warned me about the drugs and drunk driving
I’m grateful there were no accidents
I’m grateful he was so drunk I could check his phone

I’m so incredibly grateful that the escort responded in the morning so I could see it.
I’m grateful the escort answered my call and consoled me

I’m grateful I was shown and got out
I’m grateful I was so badly mistreated on Canada Day
Otherwise I would not have been suspicious
I’m grateful your family showed their true colours
specifically his mother’s blinded and dangerous loyalty.
I’m grateful that I can function

I’m grateful after considering all this, I now know I do not need closure.
Closure was him messaging an escort. Closure was him continuing to prioritize himself after being caught.
Closure was me prioritizing my safety. Closure was accepting that he is in fact an abuser despite his outward disposition.

He’s an abuser dressed like a butterfly: flighty, scared and beautiful. But he was really a moth eating away at the fabric of my life.

I’m grateful for my resilience and strength
I’m grateful for my friends and family

What is best for my soul is to wish you well and live my own life.
I wish you well, please don’t do this to anyone else.

I would be grateful for that.