He chose her, not me—
the story ends where I am erased.
A triangle now a straight line,
and I’m left wandering the empty angles
of what we once were.
He deleted it all,
every thread, every laugh, every word.
The silence isn’t just loud;
it’s a void.
Now there’s no proof he actually existed,
Without proof, it’s as if I’ve been mourning a mirage,
a shadow of love that never cast light.
I saw this coming all along,
like storm clouds gathering on the horizon.
But hope is a stubborn liar;
It breathed life into dreams I should’ve buried.
And now the sting cuts twice as deep—
first for his choice,
and second for believing he might choose me.
It was foolish of me to think,
when he said, “I’ve been writing something for you,”
that it could be anything but a goodbye.
Still, my heart dared to hope—
that maybe it was love,
a promise, a beginning.
But no, it was an ending
wrapped in words that shattered me.
But what aches deeper
than his absence
is this war within.
My brain, ever the protector,
whispers: forget him, let go.
But I won’t let it win,
no matter how much it begs to shield me.
I know it’s trying to save me
from a pain too sharp to bear,
but I need to survive this
without losing the pieces of him.
Because I don’t want to forget,
not the love I have for him,
not the way he smiled,
not the way his voice felt like home.
Every detail, every fragment—
I’ll carry them all,
even if it breaks me.
The pain keeps him real,
and to lose him completely
would be worse than the ache of loving him alone.
Rereading the scraps,
the echoes of us,
I cling to them like artifacts
of a fleeting world.
They tether me to a past
that my mind tries to bury,
but my heart refuses to lose.
It’s a cruel mechanism,
this erasure of survival,
and I can’t let it win.
I want this pain to stay,
to pulse, to burn,
to be the proof that he existed
and I wasn’t just dreaming
the loss of him.
12.11.24
