Ruffled,
Just like life,
Always a mess.
A pleasant mess

Eyes like the moon,
The light reflected off of
Its surface
Always reaching my eyes
When the world allows.
And the light of the moon
At night
Is possibly the most pleasant
Had I had the chance...

And the darkness
Always evident,
Because, void of light,
The moon still exists
And the veil of emptiness
Speaks volumes.

A mess partly smoothed
Down
Is still a mess;
Why not just
Throw your head back
Into the wind like usual?

Another person to thank,
Thank you
For making me smile.
Thank you
Really
For the genuine gazes.
That's all I need.

Before pointing fingers
peer deep inside,
behind your insecurities
is where the truth resides.

The agonizing honesty
that it's easier to blame
than dig deep in your soul.
Find your courage and cast your shame.

I don't have a "him" or "her" to gawk and talk about
Nor do I have a vice or a vanity to pour.

I don't believe victims are mythical, and so, I do have one thing I can sing.


Loneliness is involuntary.
You can tell me that all it takes is "going out" and meeting people...
But say that same thing to Frankenstein.

Did you forget that all you need to lose that chance is to be devalued?
And must I remind you that ghosts aren't frequently seen?

A moth to a dragon has no existence, like the shadow to a flame upon a candlestick.
But that's not my point.


Solitary living is voluntary. Choosing to push people away, gathering only yourself and living your day...


But what about those who want people, yearn for romance, cry out at this shallow cold world for why they seek those who lie, cheat, ****, and steal from them, but dismiss those who are more likely to remain honest, aid, save, and protect?

Loneliness is involuntary.
No one would beg to feel nonexistent unless you got to receive what we yearn for.

Solitary is voluntary.
To choose yourself, because you don't trust anyone else, even if you too can be your worst enemy.

Whether one will read this or not.
This came from my heart.
And it's a real discussion that people avoid.
Mental health is real and so is the stigma.
A shallow heart is easy to scare.
A deeply broken heart can shatter a world.
Why isolate someone because they may not physically appeal to you?

Whether it's because they're "strange" or "unattractive".
Isolation can break a soul...don't be the one to turn a blind eye.

Do you?

That feeling
That I can't describe

When I know someone is genuine

It's physical
And emotional
It's happy
But calmly
Without any flourishes
Or bubbles
I feel it in my chest
A feeling of connection
It's...warm?
Not quite the right word
It's lukewarm
But bright
And roundish
Kinda like a sphere
Sitting next to my heart
Centered in my chest
There's love
But little magic
It's pure
Unfiltered
Connection
When I think of someone's face
I see open eyes
Open to watch another
But not wide with shock
I see a small smile
I hear a voice
Clear as a bell
And indeed
I think of pure
Golden bells
Not twinkling
Not ringing
Just a single
Unbroken note
I think of gold
Or is it orange?
Yellow?
Orange with a yellow halo?
It's energy
But not radiant
Not growing
Not destroying
Not dark
The feeling I get
When reading a classmate's essay
Or reading a good fanfiction

All this
Does not capture the feeling
But at least I tried my best

im glad ive finally found someone
whom i wont need to fake a smile around

Diving deep into hidden thoughts
The hourglass empties, sand molecules glisten
I always would hear to speak less and to listen.
I think that has brought me here.
A pendulum swings as time takes my hand,
Empty expression in an endless white sand,
My past is dank, dark, and hard to avoid,
But my skin is thick, I live with no fear.

Yeah--
Last night, I had a talk with my inner man, the one I hold in and I, honestly,
Can finally understand,
I keep him housed up and buried with no real estate, an intended
Omission to keep him from obliterating my conscious mind.

He exists purely to win, but I can't let him be,
I can not let him orchestrate me,
It's all my free will, I observe the truth, I remember my youth,
And those distracting choruses play,
On a never-ending loop, misguiding my way,
Yet angels guide me every day

Change has come and taken hold, with conscious effort confide
My new wisdom can guide me right, when everybody
Must decide between giving a **** about me and letting their lives go by on
Stand-by
Mistakes may dot my travelled path,
But without those lessons, I could not have
This connect four of mind and clarity of thought

To my Ego I raged, spit truth like fire,
"No, doppelganger, everything
Will not be just fine, I'm taking control and I think it's time,
You're better off dead!
To face all my nightmares, my fears and
My spine, it's time to straighten that out, too!"

I know I upset him, I could feel the poison in my stomach,
The sensation just intensified
I had enraged the part of me keeping me sane,
I would surely find myself falling apart at the core,
with no way to get back to who I was before

But, therein lies the paradox, your ego is frail,
Because it's so childishly terrified of being lost, forgotten, and left behind,
Once gone and released, the true you can set sail.

That's when most people give up, just a pinch of that relentless self-doubt,
And when it's coming from within you,
You just carve your way out, like a wounded animal.
I didn't think for a second I would let you take the lead,
I won't let you control me, decide what I need,
So I will keep fighting and cutting you deep,
Until you no longer bleed.