It’s been two days since I saw your name
My heart falls into my stomach whenever I do.
I turn to my crutches and hope they fill the hole inside me.
They don’t though
Very few things do anymore.
Writing helps, though I shouldn’t indulge this emotion. Not like this.
It’s been two days since my soul rebelled.
I hope it comes home soon.
My body can’t sustain

Suicidal tendencies;
Man are they hard to shake.
I guess its kinda ******* to wanna take
Ur own life
Away.
To me its just part of most days.
I look at living as a silly little game.
Constant effort to trasmute the pain,
To shut off my brain
So that I can simply
Exist.
A 44 n a flick if the wrist,
Or score sum more n slip into bliss.
Make sure she's got no sores on her lips
Before planting another ***** with that first kiss.
A vertical slit of the wrists
I've thought often of the many many ways
To cross off the list.
But really, when I take my own life
If i decide in a monent of emotional feedback so loud it drowns out my natural effervescence
It'll be from taking flight.
Cause u know how much I like to get high
N how hard
I *** down.
Ear to ground
Still listening for the secret
N searching for the sound.
I get lost n then found
Then lost
Again
I really don't have any friends
Just acquaintances
I don't remember what day it is
But I sure can feel the pull of the moon
I love these orange pressie pills, I start nibbling at noon
I used to believe in love, now my heart has no more room.
Desperate doom.
I'm such a romantic
That I'm incapable of loving humans any more.
More efficient to go ahead n make that score.
My heart like a massive tree house so many floors.
So many many ways in,
All boarded shut
If I was a girl they'd call me a ****.
Cause I **** every night, my ***** mouth n ****.
Cause I can never get
Enuf of love.
Thank god for drugs.
Why is it that in Alaska no one hugs,
Santa Cruz -- home of the pacifist banana slugs.
No more war,
I'm retired from battling
History repeats itself
Like a broken ******* record.
My past is checkered,
But not as hard as my future
I'm going in deep with the drugs
Working out all the bugs
In this new system.
Do u know what its like to b ****** on
By the ones fr above.
I'm smoothing out my pistons
Ready to race.
Beginning a new phase,
Where no one gets my heart, not even me.
A new start.
Now wearing the glove,
Cause I'm nearing the finishing lines.
I've definitely had
enuf of love.

I'm scared you'll run away If I tell you what is wrong
You can not promise you will stay
There's a pattern and I'm starting to catch on
You see, you'll act like you care
Everyone always does
But when you are needed you won't ever be there
So I turn to my drinks to feel that familiar buzz.

Being unwanted isn't new to me. Infact I was shocked to find myself on the verge of tears when I found out you don't want nor care about me. I hate what you do to me. I hate that you're my weakness and you don't give a ****. I hate that nothing I do fazes you. I hate you.

I always play tough,
That's how I have to be,
I can't give these mfs the satisfaction from when they played with me,

My mama always told me,
To never let them see that side of you,
Don't let them get to you,
They'll  abuse you and use you,
And
They'll walk away,
Knowingly bruising you,
It always take that one time,
*Don't let it be two...

I'm drowning yet I stand in no water,
civilization is the curse of my existence
it weights upon every aspect of me.
Do this, don't do that, I am man I am free.

But they do not listen for greed is upon fake
prophets that only think of what they can
accumulate before the reaper kisses there soul
and all that is left is regrets and nothing more.

"Spin the wheel your fate is there's to play,

Be one with the world, live life, don't do as
your told freedom is your chosen choice.
We are now like hen pecking in out squalid
corner, when really we shouldn't be drowning

With tears in your eyes, you begged me to stay.
I said "I love you girl, but no ******* way."
For months and months, I've been hoping you'd see.
That the way that you are is just killing me.
It might **** me to leave you, I might **** myself.
But even taking my life is better than being left on  your shelf.

My points aren’t touching ground.
Plucked up by a spine
Holding my pages together
When the library is going up in smoke
Paper doesn’t need to breathe
It just needs to be the channel
The background of the universe
Bleeding itself into reality

Don't hold on to anything. Nothing is where we all begin and where are we all will end. Everything in between is just a continuation of the unknown process that we all exist within.

Love means nothing, age is everything, we are dirt and dinosaurs. Absence is a relevant. Feelings are meaningless. Do everything, do nothing, no matter the outcome, nothing matters. We are matter.

Fly high, until you reach the stars or until your wax melts and your wings burn. The Sun'll burn us all away in time.

Don't hold on to anything, just let go and fall or float because we are all in the void.