Light haired
Light hearted
Bright and mighty
Energy never leaves
See you on the other side
I'll use your force

Memories full of aching
branches of a ghost tree
sometimes a dim light
captures my eye, and
while I walk on the way
to it the arrival has a
brush with dark forces
turning off visibility
It's like being constrained by
a puppeteer controlling every
step, monitoring every move

And you know you can't trust
anyone
And you know you can't blame
anyone

They say you create your destiny
We are told we are responsible
for all the faults and flaws
success and glory
wealth and health
But how can we create our
Destiny if the others' agency
is unpredictable in this
blindfolded
chess game they call life.

In medias res:
In between
non-present times
which are unseen.

In consciousness,
the past's dense
the future's vacuous-
intents.

It's matter out the airlock toward
balance moves the clock forward.

Force yourself upon me
Push me down with all your strength
Let me be your prisoner

Lock me down and hold me still
Silence me against my own will

Tie me to your bedframe and we can play together for hours

Love my body the way you love my mind
Don't be tender,   don't be shy      (we're all gonna die)


If you can be so toxic to mind
Why aren't you like that   in real life?

Force your way into my body
No matter how bad you'll hurt me
If this means I get to hold you
I just want to taste you,  can't  you  see?

Take me,
Taste me,
Hold me hostage

Throw the dice, dear.
Before your time is up

before
               I
                    lose
                               my
                                        patience

Dreams of where I die bring me peace in a funny way
As it’s often feels like I’m an angel with broken wings
Hoping for the one day that I finally get to fly away
Cause heaven only knows that I’m miserable
Living life while chasing a shadow who’s only invisible
To those who aren’t aware of the role they play
So my only hope is to sprout my broken wings and fly away

every up-pushing bent green-yellow-frayed grass blade and raggedy, seed-**** protruding from

the hard cold winter ground in front of me

— like the billions of leafy counterparts and bladed look-alikes growing rudely fecund from —

rocks
cement
asphalt

or from

vacant lots
littered fields
waste-places

remind me that you and i are part of a raggedy but indefatigable weight of persistent  burgeoning glory

The sun shines into my lounge:
Golden reflection
Making me feel good.
I glimpse blue skies
Through front and back
Windows.

There is something beyond all this.
Something going on.
I sense an atmosphere,
Smell the aroma of
A universal force:
An energy
Subtle
Surreal.

An all pervading mist
That permeates my life:
A haunting sense
Of spirit.
Something beyond.

We are but tiny chicks,
Covered and warmed
By mother’s wings
Soothed by ethereal music
And songs from heavenly choirs.
Whispers winnowed through those windows
While a hazy sun shines through.

For now I bask
Under the glow
Of that warming orb.
High thin swirling clouds
Tempering the heat.
All is peaceful
And serene today
As life’s long mystery
Drifts on.

Paul Butters

© PB 16\9\2019.