i have asked you so often my
hope is vanishing yet there is
a twinkling impulse to convince

you.

our bodies are floating through the galaxy
can't you give it back to me?
can't you be my baby?

lately
I feel like I'm floating
an outsider looking within
even with friends
this feeling never came up before
why do I feel it now?
stuck outside
set aside from conversations
left boxed off from friends
reduced to nothing but
an outsider looking within

scariest part
is the thought:
am i really here?
please touch me,
let me know i’m here.

I clung to you like a lifeline-
A floating buoy in a violent sea
But when I let go of you
Into the deep, deep
Blue,
I found that I had gills—
And I could breathe.

I had a dream
that I don’t remember
I remember feeling
like I was floating
high above the world
crossing seas and jungles
joining the butterflies
surrounded by a cloud
of black and orange
they carry me
towards the mountains
where I leave the kaleidoscope
to be by myself
in my safe space
at peace

but I also remember feeling
like I was falling
further and further down
past the birds the towers and the trees
hurtling towards the ground
I brace myself for the crash
that never came
because when peek through
my eyelashes
I am surrounded by a cloud
of black and orange
slowly guiding me
towards the ground
their wings softly graze my skin
comforting me
until I land delicately on my feet
taking a deep breath
I am home
I am safe
I am at peace

Floating on my bed
was hoping for autumn
yet I woke to spring
watched as fields of tulips spread
heads bouncing in the breeze
purple, pink, white
they shied away from my peering eyes

my slick hand held as a hostage
sweat covered in a thick layer,
the grass tickling my fingers
as the shy sun slowly started closing in
it was time to go home
away from my small paradise
it was time to float again.