When the sun scorches my skin,
When the waves drag me deep,
When the night is dark enough
To haunt me in my sleep—

He knows. He is there.
Strong, though fear may find him,
Steady, though storms may blind him.

He embraces my weakness,
Sees beyond my sight,
Guides me toward wholeness,
Loves me without end.

Thank you, Father.

Once upon a time
a father with his belt –
(with black shiny paint
and a steel which is melt)

And a son, a pen in his hand
A book by his side
A lamp blowing light
Tears in his eyes
The fear in his veins
With his wimped tiny mole

(A cry in his neck and
a gulp in his bones)

Whimp whimp strikes the ground
Wipes the tears,picks up his pen
Shakes up his head,
Gives him a cloth,
to blow up his nose

(A smile on the boy's face
The fallen tear on the page's lace
It dried his shake on hand and
moved him a pace)

Whimp, whimp, whimp – strikes again
(A posed fear on son's face)
Whimp, and he strikes again
(The clueless child, shakes with his pain )

The blats on the floor
and its black remains
The years of slaps
which slashed up cement

(He comes back..
drops his belt   )

A relief in boy's breath

The steel fallen,
relief is felt

The father with his red hands
(Blood flows out at a spot's end )
Smiles at the son

Dark is his eyes like year's repent

(A strung in his mind
He shakes only once,
As he picks up his belt)

He sits on his couch and
acts as he had a father –
with a belt-
(with its black shiny paint and
a steel which is melt.)

I want a Family
A baby inside of me
But what if we turn out like my family?
God,
what if my husband turns out to be like my Father?
What if my baby leaves,
What will I do?

you come in without a warrant
where’s your sense of respect ?
do you enjoy belittling me ?
because this isn’t ‘good cop, bad cop’.
you two are ‘bad cop, weak cop’.

stab through my heart then lay it before your eyes
reading every yearning thought
every meaningful emotion
every single desire i’ve ever had.
and you put it in a police file.

sit my witness in the uneasy room
it’s cold in here.
it’s december.
take your file, open it wide
display my mind, my fears that i’ve kept hidden for so long.

–

COP’S iNTERLUDE

i’M THE ONE
i KNOW WHAT’S BEST.
SURE, i HAVEN’T KNOWN YOU YOUR WHOLE LiFE
BUT i’VE DONE MY RESEARCH.

i’LL HAVE YOU BENT OVER MY CRUiSER
YOUR WRiSTS BOUND TOGETHER BY MY CUFFS
THE METAL iS COLD
i HOPE iT LEAVES A SCAR ON YOUR WHITE HEART

POSSESS YOU BEHiND BARS
i’VE PUBLiCLY EXECUTED YOU
RESiSTiNG ARREST iS SELFiSH, LiTTLE GiRL
YOU ARE LEGALLY CONDEMNED BY MY COMMAND.

DON’T UNDERESTiMATE WHAT i CAN DO.
POWER DRiPS OFF OF MY BODY
i MAY BE A COP
BUT MY LOVE iS A CRiME.

–

you say
you love me
like a father
as if i
was your own blood.

i don’t resist.
because there’s no one but you
! to ruin me
you build me up
then break me down.

i barely had a father,
who could love me.
you did much more than i could ask for,
but that’s the issue.
i didn’t ask for any of this..

i’ll always be your girl
even if i can’t be
disregard the feelings, the flames
the need coursing through your veins
what will you do if i resist ?

When did time become cruel
Stealing moments away
As the years clock out your youth,

Every bird flies away from the nest
Every cub becomes a bear,
When the rivers run quick
Don’t be afraid to swim the currents
And find where you fit in.

If wishing wells were real
I’d pour my wealth into the bottom.
I’d wish to go back to the time that we lost
Watching you blossom from just a wee bud
Give you all that I knew at the cost
Knowing some truths hurts more than fiction.

Remembering when you couldn’t stand tall
And the smallest little smirk when you walked vs crawl
Seeing the way you made sense of this all
Like the world was a puzzle you always knew how to solve
And now that you’re here I can’t shake this off
A fear that you’ll never need me again and I fall
Down to my knees and pray that you know.:

I love you, my little bean

And should you ever call
If ever in need —
I can be your shield and armor
Need a sword, I’ll be there and nothing can harm us
Swing for the head and we’ll **** this hydra
I’ll be there to be a prop if you need to stand taller.

Together, maybe we can slow down time,
But no matter the weather, I’ll be there rain or shine
If no one says it, then I’ll yell it louder.
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU BABY!
My beloved daughter.

They say a father helps you see
The kind of person you should be.
A role model, strong and true,
But that's not what I learned from you.
The path you walk, I cannot take,
For my own future's, my own sake.
As husband, father, brother too,
My way must be different from you.

You worked hard, yes, the bills were paid,
You kept your promises, duty-made.
You gave us shelter, provided food,
But missed the heart's essential good.
You failed to build that bridge inside,
Where loving feelings can reside.
Emotionally, we were left dry,
Beneath a cold and empty sky.

So much affection has just flown,
The seeds of caring, left unsown.
The feelings now are hard to find,
Leaving a quiet, weary mind.
An emptiness has taken hold,
A story sadly left untold.

Living together in this place,
It’s hard to find my own space.
The air is thick with disagreement,
Constant arguments, sharp dissent.
I can't change things to feel like mine,
Just toe the ordinary line.
This house is where I live, it's true,
But "home" feels somewhere else, anew.

So anger simmers, soft and low,
And sadness watches, ebb and flow.
Disappointment, a heavy guest,
Puts heart and hope both to the test.
To share a roof, yet be so far,
Beneath a dim and distant star,
Leaves just a hollow sort of ache
For the connection you didn't make.

I just know I'm weak.
And now I know that
and that it's not that unusual,
I now know it better.
Like when you get to know
someone in your life better.
Like your dad - adult to adult
and you find words
that better describe him
and in describing,
you find understanding.
So it's like that.
And now that I know it better
(the weak bit),
I find that I can bear it
better
just like my dad before me.

My father was a broken man.
Haunted by the war, tortured by his past.
I am nothing like my father,
But he is everything to me.

When I was five,
He walked me to school.
He pointed out the rain,
The snow, the butterflies on
The green, green grass
That always seemed to grow.
He tried his best to distract me from
Our harsh reality.
Because deep down, he knew,
Our fate was fatality.

When I was seven,
He took me to a dance.
He didn’t want to go,
But he promised he would.
And to make up for every other broken promise, he did it because he “should.”
So I wore my princess dress,
Conga-lined with my friends,
Until sobriety kicked my father in the gut
And kicked us out of the dance.

When I was ten,
I began to realize what heartbreak felt like.
It was rooted somewhere between
The drunken apologies and
My undying forgiveness.
And it wasn’t instantaneous,
It was slow, torturous,
Like the shards of each broken
Bottle of whiskey stabbing me
Until I couldn’t breathe.

When I was twelve,
I was buried alive.
Piled underneath piles of
“It’s okay… you’ll get better.”
My father that once walked me to school,
Now guided me through a living hell.
My steps through the rain and snow
Were now substituted with
Steps to the glow of the refrigerator light
As I fetched him yet another bottle of death-
But it’s okay, because he’ll get better.

And through my teenage years,
It was ripe on my tongue,
It intoxicated my nose,
It pierced through my ears.
Death.
Until finally,
I could breathe.
Because finally,
Death took his broken promises.
Death took away the heartbreak.
Death took him by the bottle,
And by the bottle, my father died.

My father was a broken man.
But what he couldn’t break, he passed down to me.
I’m still haunted by the war, tortured by the past.
I wanna be nothing like my father,
Yet he’s still everything to me.

I was looking for a dream in soulless eyes.

You thought that I was just like you
And milked the light from this star
You sold my brightness for profit
And now I wonder how far you are

I thought that you would give me my light back
But you led me into a fire
Lured me in with ink and a page
And now I'm trapped in a burning cage

I watch the stars in the night sky
The ones I once knew
You crush them down to ash
You sell them out for cash

I wanted to be just like you
But that isn't my goal anymore
I will be so much better
Is that what you wanted, too?

I inherited your soulless eyes
Do you see my dream in them?