Playing at this empty calm,
Faking Simplicity.

Deepening hysteria,
Mesmerizing calamity,
Chaos abreast.

Hurricane destruction,
Twister tearing down,
But fake calm anyway.

"I am not a gifted faker like you"
I remember those words each time I see you

You said it so casually and forgot.
But never did it ever leave my heart!

To you it seemed like I could be 2 different persons
Inwardly I know how much courage it took me so.

Can I wear my heart on the sleeve for the world to see?
Is this what you want me to be, bare all for you?

Life is not been the same, since those days, I swear
I will not return to those memories of hurt again.

I fake it because, I need to make it through another day
You are here today, and somewhere else you'll be tomorrow

But I need to go on living and cannot stop for you.
You cannot take that away from me, my desire!

My dreams, my hopes, my ambitious are all I have
Paper boats and pipe dreams you may call it
But it is still my very own, my identity and a part of me

You on the other hand, outsider, stood by and smiled on
Never took the courage to dig deeper.
Shallow it may be for you
Afraid the road was steeper
A mess you never wanted to deal with
A part you never wanted to play.

Hence, I moved on, put a bright face and cheered on
Stronger you made me by your test
Till I could stand apart
from my feelings and look at it like the rest
I am fool to take you so seriously
You were having fun at my expense
Hence now, I can fake it and make believe
I can see it affects you now,
Why is it not the old me?

If you looked into my eyes,
What would you see?
Would you see the growing sadness
That I've hidden for so long?
Would you see the tears
That I choke back everyday?
If you looked deeply enough,
Would you see the ******* pain
That consumes my very soul?
Would you see just how
******* hard it is
For me to go through every day
As if nothing was wrong?
Just look into my eyes,
Truly look and tell me,
What do you see?

My lips are moving but my brain is not
I've got my smile handy, I'll never be caught
I'm nervous but it'll never show on my face
I'll pretend I fit, I belong in this place.

My hands aren't clammy, I don't have a stutter
My voice is steady though my legs are rubber
I'm sitting down, no one gets to see
I'm nervous, I'm unsure, but I can fake happy.

I'm an actor, a professional, I'm perfect at what I do
I'm smiling, I'm laughing, but, god, how I hate you.
I fly through moods as though it's my sole purpose
I go by an alias so no one knows I wrote this.

I'm nervous, I'm nervous, I'm ******* terrified
But far be it from me to be typically traumatized
I'm a 'survivor', I'm doing just fine, I'm not panicking
I'll never display the bad moments publicly.