my mistakes i see
clearly good deeds are empty
why

Pull my tongue out of my mouth,                                                           ­           
                                                     ­                                                                 ­
  use a spoon & hollow me out,                                                             ­   
                                                             ­                                                       
  take off a chunk of my skin,                                                            ­              
                                                  ­                                                                 ­     
  it's okay, there's life within                                                           ­           
                                                     ­                                                             
Pluck my eyes from my face,                                                            ­                                                  
I don't want to see the human race,                                                    
                                                                ­                                              
remove my fingers from my hand,                                                      
                                                                ­                                                      
you don't need to understand                                                       ­                           
                                                                ­                                                 
 Cut my heart from my chest,                                                           ­                     
                                           ­                                                                 ­          
I guarantee I won't contest                                                          ­                        
                                        ­                                                                 ­         
Go ahead & pick my brain,                                                           ­         
                                                                ­                                                  
you will see nothing
remains,                                                         ­                     
                                                                ­                                                  
Go ahead, you will see,                                                             ­                   
                                             ­                                                                 ­    
you will find an empty me

I never asked for tenderness,
just proximity—
to be near you,
even if it meant unraveling quietly
at your feet.

You never hid what I was to you—
a pause,
a body to speak through,
a name you forgot
while I memorized your every silence.

You were never kind,
but you were there.
And I learned
that cruelty is warmer
than being alone.

So I let you diminish me.
Piece by piece.
Until the mirror held someone
who only knew how to love
by disappearing.

It should frighten me,
how much I gave away
just to stay in your orbit—
but it doesn’t.

What terrifies me
is who I’d be without you.
Whole?
Happy?
Unrecognizable.

I’d rather loathe the girl
you’ve made me into
than try to love the one
who walks away.

Because hate, at least,
keeps you close.
And I’ve come to prefer
bleeding beside you
over healing alone.

So take what’s left.
Break it,
discard it,
return only when you’re empty.
I’ll still be here—
the ruin you shaped,
the fool who stayed.

When the drop is steep
And stomach needs filling
Not wanting to let you down
That feels unavoidable
Chasing affirmations for myself
Want to wake up earlier
Just tend to fall asleep late
Started to notice the flowers more
Maybe because they have blossomed
Doesn’t always feel like that
Winter dragging into spring
Autumn death apart from living
Feeling tired spiralling out of control
Back inside the same confines
You used to spend when you were young
Still very much the same kid
Just with a growing responsibility
Weighing heavy upon my chest
Armour which protects and limits
Trying to break the chains which jangle
Feet dragged walking the city streets
Wanting to say hello rather just rake the leaves
Go about my work in silent peace
Enjoying the solitude of the garden
Tired of not crying would like some tears
Weeping like a child loses its appeal
As you realise what you have to do
Need to take the initiative and start living
Make something of myself

I should've counted the days
When you were here 
Now I count every second
That you're not here

Don’t you ever
eat
out of tradition?
Like,
you are not hungry;
but not loaded either.
Your stomach is just
as numb as your heart.

But you still eat,
because food tastes good;
because they sat you down;
because you ought to;
because you’re used to the feeling.

Even when there is no joy
to the taste;
you eat.

Eat,
eat,
eat.

You did it so often
the action
must have lost all its meaning.

Semantic satiation.

Fading lines, a whispered plea,
Erasing myself, for all to see.
A gentle wash, a silent tear,
Dissolving slowly, year by year.

No angry shout, no sudden break,
Just fading colors, for goodness sake.
A muted echo, soft and low,
Where vibrant hues used to brightly glow.

The canvas blank, a pristine white,
Lost in shadows, out of sight.
A gradual leaving, soft and deep,
Secrets that I vow to keep.

No grand farewell, no final bow,
Just emptiness, and only now
I understand the silent art,
Of fading softly, setting apart.

In shadows they lurk, with deceit as their guide,
Claiming truths not their own, where their morals have died.
A hollow pursuit, in the depths of the night,
Seeking light from others, to claim as their right.

But truth is a flame that burns from within,
Not a trophy to steal, nor a prize to win.
It's the essence of being, the core of our soul,
Not a void to be filled, nor a gap to control.

So let's hold our truth, with compassion and grace,
And walk our own paths, at our own steady pace.
For the truth that we live, is the light that we give,
In a world of shadows, it's how we truly live.