smoking in my room
so i know what to do
write the next line
about how i wanna die
i think that message got through
so i keep acting a fool
tell me, do you think i'm cool
i know i act like a tool
but you act so cruel
you turned my heart into goo
i want so many tattoos
so when you see me
you know that i'm bad news
im a drug
so run away
before i catch you
cause i'm addicting
you won't wanna leave me
but soon your gonna hate me
i'm a druggie
with no money
hiding from my mother
cause im a shame like no other

I feel so broken
busting at the seams with emotions
my heart feels eroded
my mind is overloaded
these feelings are overflowing
and time keeps passing by
don't know when im gonna die
don't mind if it's tonight
cause i lived my life
just the way i that wanted
pocket full of drugs
when i stumble through the halls
imma make it all mine
tell me, will that make me shine?

shawty told me we were going way to fast
i told her we weren't prolly meant to last
but she only my past now
i don't even care now
cause i know we don't work out
how could we possibly
cause this next girl seems to be in love with me
not like the rest
cause this new girl the best
but then she start to **** the same
or soon she start hate my name
then she tell me i'm insane
don't look at me, i'm not to blame
im not sayin i don't got no shame
cause i feel that **** every day
wake up and it's on my mind
smoke a little **** and i'll be fine

in the grave
going under
my mind starts to blunder
the shouting never rests
my body is shaking
the heart breaking apart

I can’t feel anymore. Normally I’m in pain or usually I’m sore. But not recent. No recently I am not happy or joyful. But I’m also not sad or depressed. This is new. I can’t explain. It’s like a never ending never breaking emptiness. Something good happens and I’m lucky to crack a slight grin. Maybe this is a good thing. No more sadness no more depression.
Maybe I’m just an empty shell. I’ve watched my friends go one by one and I stay here.
Sometimes it feels like I’m on another planet. Or maybe I’m living in a dream.
I’m more in a notebook than I am outside. I’m more inside my head but honestly nothing is there.
This is more than dead inside this is something else. I feel like a zombie off medication I feel like I am in a different world unexistant to everyone else.
Like I’m trapped inside a box unable to find the lid like I’m behind a mirror staring at the real me.
This is what I live with on a daily basis unable to talk or feel. I’m no one.

I think I want to disappear
she said that all I do
is disappear
it couldn't be anymore clear
that I'm not needed here
my fears
were what turned to be truth
all I needed was
to hear it from you
all I seem to do is run
but now I'm permanently faded away