There's coldness all around me
Everything is so far away
Light years of empty space
Between you and me
And I'm burning up my soul
Just to feel a little warmer
Burning up my soul
So you might see me from over there
Might see the flickering fire
Of my broken soul
I'm losing myself
I'm drowning
All alone in the middle of an ocean of coldness
I'm losing
But I don't care no more
So I pour another glass of gasoline
Into my burning soul

drinking alone, smoking,
playing dead, overthinking,
a psyche made of bad habits
and a stomach that's always sinking.
this is the summer of silhouette,
laying in the shade, apathetic slumber,
the figure of a man in the background,
counting my ribs and fearing the number.
i go transparent in the sunset -
the sickness is tangible, apparent,
just as i knew, feared -
it's buried in my chest, inherent.
i can't get better when
it's just paper mache and cigarettes;
i pray and pray and pray
but no one's heard me yet.

In the distance
A light began to shine
Sitting on the porch
We waited curiously

A soft tap was heard
The tapping grew louder
As we exchanged glances
A lady’s voice called out to us

“Stop it” She yelled.

In the distance
The light grew brighter and hungrier
As quick as an engine roared to start
The roar just as quickly, came to a halt

Frustrated murmurs
Fists against glass
He wanted his keys
Leave her alone, please

I imagined the stench of his whiskey stained breath
As possible scenarios invaded my head
Was she safe? Was he drunk?

I asked these questions out loud
But I don’t remember any answers
Searching for them myself
I stumbled closer to the sound

Now she was screaming.
Don’t hurt me
Please don’t hurt me
There’s a baby

I had to help her.

Running back towards the group
No memory of talking to them
I’m sure that I did
I only remember

Gritting my teeth
Closing my eyes
Covering my ears
Trying to block out the sound

Her screams and cries for help
Slowly morphed and twisted
Into my brothers voice
His six year old voice

The tapping on the window
Became the rattling of a bunk bed
The woman’s screams and yelling
Became my baby brothers cries for help

I’ve gone backwards.
10 years.

It’s been three days since
I heard her yell
And three days since
his screams began

It’s been three hours since
I took the pill bottle
And three hours since
I put it down again

You told me your stories, your past to present, but today lead us to another dimension.

I wasn't there when you dealt with your demons, but now you have me so let's be fair.

You told me you were an alcoholic drunk, with no self luck, ambition or love for life. I never judged you and understood your story.

But now it's time to deplete your new mission.
You left without a say
You parted your lips to the bottled glass and began your sipping.
Waited 8 hours wondering where you were, and it sure felt like forever.

When you came back to me, you told me what happened, but you had a new demon inside you, growing like I never seen before.
You hurt my feelings, because you lied to my face, but I guess that's what happens when you're dealing with the addictions you must really face.

No more you said, You don't like the taste, your stomach hurts but now again you repeat the same mistakes from many years before.

I try to help, frustrated I' am, sad I' am, crying I' am, but you do not care, you're emotionless, because to you, I' am the mean one.

What is it I must do, you tell me to dump you, but meanwhile you tell me you love me, so what is it?

confusion, haste, anger, malice,
you left within a clip of air once again,
because after our talk, you had to disappear from the truth, the bitter cold truth that bit your tongue like a scared cat in the middle of a dark alley way.

I cannot forgive you, not yet, not now, prove yourself first to me and then we will see...

Another shot
Another cut
Another person
Another drug
Another day of numb
Another girlfriend
Another attempt

Just one more

The plastic bag rolls against the wind
Once again, to let the sun glisten
Those brunette curls as the wind takes them
As they swim through the air,
Right into my arms,
With those watering eyes
And trembling lips
I simply cannot resist.
For once again,
Another has broken you,
And once again, I’ll prove
That men aren’t all bad.
Without you I drink the thought of you away,
And with you, I drink the red flags away
That cloud my vision
With warning signs.

It almost seems too easy
My sympathy already being taken advantage of
Yet knowing this, I wring out enough trust
From my cloth of chances
That you’ve let be used up.
You’re nothing but a snake
And my emotions are contained
Like a paperback novel
In the rain;
My heart is breaking
Feeling the pounding of yours
Knowing yours has been working fine,
While my shaking
Is not from the weather
Nor the tearing inside,
For I know that this plastic bag
Will drift away once again
When the wind breathes just right
And another bystander of yours walks by,

But you’ll leave a memory
On my table
For the last time,
And the plastic bag you left,
Will be the last sound
I hear,
After liquid courage rivets
My sensible nature into a cage,
And I hear it rustle
As the leaves did
When first you entranced me
With my inhales forced inaudible
Just as forced audible
They were laying in the grass
And I’ll play that image
In my head
Of the first moment I felt alive,
Until I fade out, lay still,
Never to breathe out again.