A distraction,
that always seems to be what I am considered.
A tool, a punching bag, a balancing mechanism,
and mostly,
a light bulb.
If I go dim even for the briefest amount of time chaos breaks loose,
but when I am shining,
when I am truly, truly glowing.
No one really seems to care.
But what am I to do?
Sitting here without rest
growing darker as I hover over others’ lives
They are allowed darkness
Allowed to rest
Their “concerns” for me
Are only so I can continue to shine
For them

The melody of your voice
no longer holds appeal,
bringing only disappointment
in the things left unsaid.
As for subjects mentioned,
your promises mean nothing
and the words you speak
are mere sounds that hold
no value to me anymore.
They are all too devoid
of the trust I was mistaken
in putting in you before.

Why did i let him in?10 months have passed but I've still haven't forgot,Counselor tells me to forgive,trick question ,Do I forgive me for not fighting as hard as I could,not screaming loud  enough, allowing him in my house,or trusting him.Flashbacks include scrubbing my skin till it was irritated trying to remove his scent,only one question haunts me daily,why did I let him in?So called friend that was there when I needed him never crossed my mind he would commit such a sin.Yes he did the crime but I did the time ,Time spent crying and punishing myself for what happened is it true you can control others actions? why couldn't I stop him from tearing off my underwear?Could I stop him from stealing what was rightfully mines?On a mission to get it back, It shouldn't have Left me anyways,but I'm scared to knock on his door scared once he sees my tears he'll realize the score,why did I let him in when he knocked on my door?

I speak to you during the day, you listen but you remain silent. At night I hear a familiar voice, his shift begins when I close my eyelids.

Sometimes in my dreams i see these bright flashes that illuminate, what appears to me to be the sky. But the lightning strikes are a disguise, my subconscious creates to fool my eyes. The action of my neurons firing, are mistaken by my mind as lightning.

I watch the sky in disbelief, for the light show seen is so inspiring. I'm captivated by my thoughts, as they travel along my neural wiring.

My subconscious works overtime to keep me from discovering its deception. But this false reality my subconscious made, is a needed form of protection.

As I dream my mind and body get the rest that's truly needed. So I can recuperate the energy, that the previous day has depleted.

My subconscious is a narrator,  that explains my life without subtitles. Threw my dreams on this screen, plays a movie that I'm forced to watch. So truly when do I get sleep, when I'm in my dreams, and I'm deep in thought.