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Phia 4d
My pen dances across the pages
And as the ink pours from my pen
The pain pours out of me
The paper bursting
Beneath the pen
The burden of the words too heavy to bear.
Cleaning out my notes
I’ve got
seven songs
on repeat.

They don’t ask me to talk.
They don’t tell me to cheer up.
They just play,
quietly,
loudly,
however I need them.

Vestige
whispers
like a ghost I once knew,
soft, aching—
it holds my breath in its careful hands
and never asks
why I’m fading.

Caramel drips down
slow and sweet,
like it knows my ribs
are tired of holding it all in.
It doesn’t try to fix me—
it just sits,
a quiet sadness
that understands.

When The Sun Sleeps
doesn’t sleep at all—
it screams,
loud, raw, honest.
It bleeds the things I buried
and somehow,
that noise feels more like home
than silence ever did.

Overflow crashes like a wave
right when I thought I was dry.
It drowns me—
but gently,
like rage that remembers
I’m still human.

To The Flowers
sounds like falling apart
and finally letting go.
It’s heavy,
but blooms in the dark,
grief growing
into something real.

Nero Forte fights for me
when I’m too tired to fight myself.
It’s chaos—pure,
relentless—
a storm I can scream into
and still
walk out of.

When It Rains
makes me feel fifteen and fragile,
but soft enough
to remind me
I’m not wrong
for feeling everything
too much.

These seven songs don’t save me.
They don’t have to.
They just stay—
and some nights,
that’s the only thing
that keeps me here.
The songs are Vestige by Mirrors, Caramel by Sleep Token, When the Sun sleeps by Underoath, Overflow by Polaris,  To the Flowers by While She Sleeps, Nero Forte by Slipknot and When it Rains by Paramore.
So tired of being the owner of a heart that's broken
All I want is the courage to love with arms wide open
But everything I've seen and everyone i know tells me it's not worth it
But how could it not be worth it?
Every time I start trying to make myself better
My brain keeps asking does it even matter
The hardest thing about living with depression
Is when you lose hope you'll ever notice your reflection
But just like there's more than one way to hurt
There's more than one way to heal
And you deserve to know that your pain is real
There's gonna be some bad, but it's gonna feel so good
When you realize it's OK if you're misunderstood.
It's gonna take some time, but you're gonna be ok. Because for what it's worth, I'll be with you every step of the way
Dear past self,

I hope you're doing alright

Though I know you aren’t

I hope someday you’ll sit down to write

Or pick up your guitar and,  

Know that you’ll be okay tonight

I know you treat that bed like a tomb

And your family is worried about you

Your face becomes gaunt  

Your brain dies doing an assignment that's long overdue

And someday you’ll forget about cliques

And that toxic friend group,  

And learn to speak out about the subjects,

That are considered taboo

Someday you’ll put down the blade

And learn that you don’t deserve pain

That those girls shouldn’t beat you down

And maul you until only your bones remain

I hope you know that you won't ever be perfect

Because beauty is hard to maintain,

When the voices get louder

And you’re going insane

But past self,

I hope that someday you read this,

And know that you will escape

You will crawl out of that abyss

And when you do,

Know that I’m proud of you
S 5d
I keep trying to connect to my younger self-
I’ve been reading old journals,
listening to old Ed Sheeran albums-
wondering, “Did I really love this magenta color so much”?

Attempting to feel the way that she did.
Feeling her excitement-
her joy-
her passions.

I have been rediscovering that my past self and I have been through many things. Things that I don’t think about because they are too hard to think about, or simply things that I have forced myself to forget about- like putting my memories on paper and then burning them in a fire.

She was a really sad person.
She struggled.
She was anxious.
She was depressed.
She hated herself.
She had moments of unwavering positivity but there was so much self doubt.

She still is a really sad person.
She still struggles.
She is anxious.
She is depressed.
She hates herself, sadly so.
She still has moments of unwavering positivity but there is still so much self doubt.

I guess some parts of us never change, despite us wanting them too.
Trying to come back to my comfort space of writing, I don’t know if anyone even follows me anymore, but this is for me
Khoisan 5d
Let it seep in
the voice about my skin
when I lost your ears
my scars began to sing
#Deepcuts has a voice
Rain 6d
Im filled with emotions,
I can no longer speak.
It’s like I’m locked in my own prison,
Emotions struggling to be released.

Within me i am drowning,
But I don my happy face.
An internal war roaring,
Struggling to keep it locked in the safe.

I can not allow myself to loosen yet,
Rarely am I allowed to.
Through the day i make it through,
It’s my happy mask that talks to you.

I wish I can let the feelings out,
As they trickle in.
All day the inside prisoners shout,
Grasping and clawing at my skin.

From time to time, late at night,
Raw words from a song will pierce the wall.
The feelings are flicked on like a light,
surrendering myself to the abyss as I fall.
Told you I wasn’t okay, didn’t I?
Eyes filled with dread.
Hatred for life.

Told you I was tired, didn’t I?
Head screaming,
telling me to die.

Waving.
Begging.
Hoping someone would notice—
the pain of living a life I didn’t even want.

But you didn’t see me.

Hey —
see me now.
Did you ******* see me?
Or was I still invisible?

Hey —
listen to me now.
Did you ******* listen to me?
Then why did I still feel unheard?

It’s okay now.
Silence speaks louder than ever—
now that I’m in a casket.

It’s okay now.
Why do you mourn me,
when I died
because of your silence?
It's a feeling that I can never
put my finger on,
to seize its power with a name.
It's that slight rhythmic delay
in conversations on the phone,
the footfall of our voices
constantly just out of step.
Moments that are almost inconsequential,
but I keep picking at them
in my mind
like the loose skin of a hangnail.
Thumbing at the thoughts
in a way you tell yourself is harmless.
Just a bit more...
Only in an instant, it's all irrevocably undone.
It's that bitter stone of doubt in your chest
when there's a full stop instead of an "x".
You can't help circling back
to that seed planted in your mind
earlier than you can ever remember,
that it's you - fundamentally,
objectively, intrinsically.
Against your own better judgement,
it's so easy to sink into the ruminations
of inadequacy and psychological self-flagellation.
How many more times must you feel this way?
It's so familiar that you can almost detach.
That every time you feel that sparkle of
human connection, of being wanted for a moment,
it's already waiting for you.
You already know it's inevitable.
©Isobel G. 28.04.2025
A. Euclidian

I’ve been a lantern to light your dark days
Tried to unlock those purgatory closed-doors
Torch inside a foggy two-lane highway
So you didn’t run off course.

Just give me back,
15 years of this oneway relay
No answer back just hearing my echoes
I wouldn't have shown all my secrets
Could have kept all my flaws.

I hope to god, one day you read this,
See what I’ve spilled through a torrent of sequence
Leave it all like some ancient bygone,
A faded face on a discarded farthing.

I’d do anything just to come up for air
But I swear, even when I fall deeper
It feels like I’m choking.

Piece it like a jigsaw
Place me on a shelf with all that’s forgotten
Don’t mind the sneeze, it’s just the dust.
I won’t bother you with these dead-eye stares
Wondering if you ever read a thing or understood what was there.

Run it back to what I used to die for
Anima hanging on an unkept tree floor
Under these dead oak canopies
Waiting for sapphire eyes to rescue me.

It was always love
That hill I’d die on
And now that the sword’s been pulled
What could I lie upon?

I’d do anything just to come up for air
But I swear, even when I fall deeper
It feels like I’m choking…

B. Bleeding Ink

Is it taboo—
When I grab this pen
And go deep into the dermis
I let the vampire drink from me again?

It feels like a tattoo—
When the blood hits the blue
And I’m etching my life in lines.

Permanent like these scars
Are they just wounds that forgot to heal?

Is it taboo—
When I let the tears fall
I painted with red mixed in.

It feels like a tattoo—
When the canvas of these words
Is what resides in my skin.

C. The End Complete

Impeach the day,
Retreat tonight
Scurry to the shadows
Swim into the shallow
I’m drowning again.

My mind divides,
As the past repeats
Memories on an endless loop
Still so far, further from finding the truth.

There was a magic,
That stole the sun that shined
And the moon was a beauty
I thought I could leave behind.

But all these arms clawing from their coffins
Reaching up like the needy for open coffers
Hoping I feed them a line to stop their deep hurt
But if I may, show the ink on the page
It’s paid in blood and my rent is due.

Impeach the day,
I want to retreat tonight
Scurry back in my shadow,
Swimming in the shallow
Why does it always feel like I’m drowning?


I hope to god, one day you read this,
See what I’ve spilled through a torrent of sequence
Leave it all like some ancient bygone,
A faded face on a discarded farthing.

It feels like a tattoo—
When the blood hits the blue
And I’m etching my life in lines.

Permanent like these scars
Are they just wounds that forgot to heal?

Sorry, I couldn’t answer the phone —
I just have to leave this part of me behind.
What a wild ride, life has been.
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