people always say to me
that my eyes are as blank as can be

do you know the constant screaming in my head
or the bones underneath my bed

i wake up and i'm not here
i go to sleep and i'm not here

do you know the drunken feeling
or how my body is always bleeding

or is it? i can't tell what is real anymore
i've lost hope for the girl i was before

i'm numb and lost in my own mind
i don't think i can be saved in time

don't leave me alone like i did to you
all i wanted was to protect you

Once you find yourself

An outsider in your own body

Life feels much more meaningless

But listening is much easier

Because why would you wish

This hellish existence on someone else

Sorrow grips at my mind,
Yells at me
Kills me slowly
Until all hope is gone
So why do I keep going
How do I keep going
When all hope is gone
Am I even me anymore?

Introduce me to you
Say your name, I have one too
My name is so, so far away
Galaxies can fill the fray
Between what I feel
And what’s my name

i lifted my head and shifted my eyes to your face as you called my name when you sat down across from me.
i felt myself leave my body.
my vision became blurry and all i could see was your mouth moving.
i asked you if you could repeat that again.
"how are you doing?"
i answered with a long, extended "Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuum."
the words couldn't come to my mouth,
i couldn't form a two word sentence.
my eyes wandered the ceiling,
like i was looking for myself to come back.
then i answered and you began to talk.
i got closer to your face to read your lips but every word i ever knew left my memory and everything was white.

"where are you right now?",
she asked me looking straight into my eyes.
i felt like i could cry in this moment.
i didn't know where  i was.
although you were right in front of me,
you sounded far away.
"bring yourself back."
i felt myself slipped more and more away,
my existence and sense of reality melting from my fingertips while my mind stayed,
stayed here.

The shockwave hits your throat
so fierce, it forces your own voice
from your own body.
The momentum it contains, unconstrained
by your silent spectre
rushes forward like thunder
into the levee of your knees, and strikes
the way lightning fells trees.
You're nothing but lymphnodes, flood
and weight, now.
The rest, like last night's dream
washing away the moment before you remember.
The aftershocks ripple like echoes,
capsaicin in the nerves
of all your timber limbs
dismantled and thrown to the horizon.
You hover above
what it felt like
to exist.
It rests on the tip of your tongue, a moment.
Nobody really knows the difference between
a moment and eternity.
Below the folds of water, sweat and skin
the ground is offering whispers
bubbling soggy underfoot.
They might be yours.
They say it comes from the ground up
Channels reaching channels to connect
in a flash
a crack
again
to body
even
if only
a moment.