Thoughts abound in the whirlmill that is my mind

Fear, regrets, despair, anguish dominate

Devoid of joy and happiness, love nothing but a nightmare

Lost to the past i find myself bound



Forsaking love, never loving, fearing love

Hiding from, wanting to feel, absent love lingers and hurts

Longing to mirror my soul's reflection in my lover's eye

Bereft my heart in never ending fear



Always yearning, finding love never enough

Returning , giving my soul back, paralyzed me

Fearing a simple kiss more than death itself

Love meant it all, drowning from it, only getting closer



Delusions and false remembrances canvased my pain

Rejecting love thought me free

Landscapes of lies paint dreams never dreamt

Quest for intimacy and eternal love befallen reality

Unrelenting denial brought me to love

My heart opened to my soulmate

But she was not there

When I look around
I've done great things
Exceptional
I qualify your worship
I am, who they should follow
Finest masterpiece
Ask around
Great superior I am
Oh, how sweet
To hold power

Let's be real
The universe is designated for first class and economy
I am decorated in suits_
You barely afford shoes
Let's be clear,
That's not on me

When I smile today
While you live in tears
Karma isn't a must
You see me - roll the velvet carpet
Lets coexist in this world

I am
A true leader
For the people

When the speech ends
Frowns fill silence
Hearts moan

The crown doesn't fit
Only lies linger in air
The clowns in power

I stutter, words burn,
Lipton shades drench our desk,
I turn your world like a dollar,
But you were already rolled out

You might play my smile like a violin,
Those feline eyes, in there wounded design,
It is fur that can’t trim,
Shedding ****** like ashes,
Petting you, as the comforters descending,

Blood is a blooming bass,
Whispering,
“You fit in my vase,
The sun you may taste”

what disgust
and horror
that i should call you queer

and as if this
was an imperfection
yes a delusion
that plagues till this day
the youth of men

men who call you ***
men who call you *****
men who call you up for ***

and yet they cannot
face their tears
that side of fear
that keeps them strong

who keeps you there
why are you thinking of me?
your attraction for me
keeps you reeling
keeps you falling
keeps you trapped
in this place you call safe

i called you queer
but you called me ***

as if one is better than the other

it still remains

you are the one
burning in fear

I want to drift lightly above the earth
carrying sunshine on my wings
Horizon eyes, ablaze with good
showering laughter that sings

Seeking purposeful destination
always wilting when encaged
Never a mind more colorful
always brilliant, never strange

Mysteriously I’ll fly untethered
at times entirely against the wind
Your heart would flutter if ever you saw me
and not beat until you glimpsed me again

Full of riches,
Full of hearts.
Trust:  a commodity
So easily traded
For what was never promised.
A kiss like death,
A millstone carried
For no reward but
My own
Self-destructive
Satisfaction.
How deliciously
I cut and seared
My own flesh,
Savoring
Each flaying stroke.
How beautifully
My body twisted
To fit the tale
I wished were true.
Wounds still fresh
From the biting needle
That tattooed the lie
On my desperate
Wanting soul.

Have you ever wanted to escape to a place where no one can see you?
Maybe you tried imagining the place by yourself.
The innocent little dreams turned into maladaptive daydreaming.
And suddenly, you're sentenced to being mentally ill

The imaginary world begines to grow,
Consuming you more and more.
Soon, you can't see the difference between the real world and the one
You made up.

You slip into derealization
It drowns you while giving you short breaks for air
To let you stay alive
While still hurting