You're the
Oxygen mask
To the plane crash
That I've
Always been

one day i got tired of swimming
and let the sea devour me
my feet floating
timid
expecting floor below
i realized there was no rock bottom
before the waves turned cold
water entering my lungs
like a kiss not given permission
hands on my body like it was given
to someone who didn't know how to listen
feet being pulled towards a depth that had no meaning
no indication of seaweed
just empty space so full it felt freeing
learning to breathe while suffocating
is something you don't learn until needed
friend once pushed away is greeted
desperation gets you places when you need it
being still will make your mind run away
another cold and empty day
you can no longer feel the waves
until a shark comes along
mind in check
body moves
waves are crashing down on you
and it all feels like a fever dream
or so it seems
until you're onto shore
cough up the water
cause you don't need it anymore
and from that day
you pray that you
will never find your way back
to the ocean

There's something unsettling
about this feeling of loving hopelessly.

My toes
are constantly ready to push off and
dive into a pool that's empty.
It holds no water or promise,
but I get up and jump
again and again.
This is what  reparable souls are made of
Magic, drunken thoughts, and bravery all wrapped in delicate skin.

My mother has warned me
of this feeling before.
and how it ends in tissues and stitches.
But I call her and urge her indiscretion
to my father and her emotions.

I crave the feeling of feeling stuck in your gut,
where your body aches but it’s
wrapped in silk sheets.
Feelings
that consume my mind wholly, constantly, agonizing and yet
I stand on the diving board
ready to crash again.

I took a drive on a manic day,
And turned the corner way too fast.
My actions caught up to me at last,
And I crashed my car on life choice lane.

So I stood there as the engine smoked,
And pondered on nonsensical things:
Such as how the caged bird still sings
Despite a shortage of dopamine.

Hallowed be thy name o' Lorde,
Somehow still playing through my radio.
Sound waves bounce against the pavement and echo,
Making the loneliness even louder.

I'm left to kick rocks on life choice lane.
There's a dent in the stop sign pole
For everyone who has paid the toll
Of dealing with my sorry ***.

But now they're gone,
And now I'm gone.

Substandard Tires
The customer rants and raves at me saying it’s all my fault
And my colleague’s and my employer that he’s got no family
He threatens all of us with court and is off to see the judge
You’ll be in the dock all together he warns for ******
Treating me like I’m the CEO and God of ACME Tires
I just answer the phone and reply to emails
I never made the substandard tires on his car
That failed and killed his daughter wife and sister
He rants and raves and it lasts an hour
All recorded he states finally stopping
If I was employed by the Illuminati
Making cups of tea would he sue me?
For not making his tea sweet enough
Now I nod and say what an *******
I’m so glad he can hear me
His tires will soon fail…

I do not need to be saved
I am the knight in my fairy tale

If I fall
It will be off a mountain I scaled alone

If I crash
It will be in the waves of my own ocean

If I float
It will be on the boat I built with my hands

And when I fly
It will be with the wings I forged myself