i see a mass standing in front of the mirror—
a human, perhaps.
i can't call her a girl.
she doesn't have the attributes—
enough to be called all that.

it's a reflection,
undeterred,
simply wretched.

there are marks on the mirror—
proof it hasn't been cleaned.
i wonder if they're on my body too.
i hope the glass has enough cracks
to hide and tell
how it feels every time
i discover the same wrecked look
staring back.

the skin is loose
around a few different hooks,
feels like it's sagging—
i pull so hard,
hoping i'll tear through.

i feel nothing but pain
for her,
hidden beneath all that disgust—
the turmoil i'll put her in,
the self-hatred.

and to think—
she’s just become
a black mass
of everything and nothing.

a loathsome, foolish little being
that can’t fit,
can’t talk,
can’t sit.

she’s not the ideal.
and sometimes i think
her existence
isn’t for the world even—

she’s just a scandal.

I am a strong
but, man... that day broke me
don't get me wrong, i picked myself back up and glued myself together
but
just because the glue hardened doesn't mean the cracks disappeared
I had to do it
There was no choice
you couldn't see it but i could because i was raised to look ahead
both a blessing and a curse
im so glad you were the first
but i wish i hadn't have broken it up like i did
i need to be strong
i need to be happy
i need to be a heartbreaker
because darling,
that was what i was made to do
to strip lungs of breath
to leave minds wondering and imaginations whirling
to make people ache for my touch
we would never have lasted longer than we did
because like it or not i grew bored
but i am strong enough to resist
strong enough to give you those last weeks of happiness
strong enough to allow you to recover in private
but i wasn't strong enough to not break in the process of breaking you

-The first and definitely not the last