Self soothing
turned into
holding my own
hand
It is comforting.

Staying awake
to watch you sleep
It makes me tired
I always want to
attribute my pain
to something
but everything
is fine

I hold my own hand
It comforts me
when everything
goes wrong

Falling asleep
before you
I miss everything
and it is all my fault

Everything is fine
Don’t comfort me
I am in so much pain
There is no relief

Everything is wrong
How do you complain?
I am only reaching out
for your hand

bile splatters the wall
dreadful peace fills my veins at once
it’s all going to be okay
the worst of this is tooth decay
i can’t rely on others to know better

how can something so disgusting feel this pure
why does this burn in my throat bring me closer to perfection
tears feel valid only when they’re forced
it all feels so wrong
but i can’t let go of this control
peace can’t stay here anymore

but don’t leave me like everyone else has
i’ve given up on everything
i can’t face the world without you
tears shed just for you to stay
please lie in this filth next to me
don’t flee like the rest
there’s no other way i can cope today

the mirror leaves me unrecognizable
the reflection is a lie
you can’t let this happen
here to destroy me
the progress we’ve made
i can’t become an embarrassment once again
i brought you here to take on some of this grief

lonely times in the bathroom
the tile still feels so cold
warmth you gave feels like daggers in my stomach
like bugs trying to escape
i didn’t eat the food
it’s eating away at me

I can't stand being alone.
So, to cope, I remind myself
That sometimes,
there are some things you have to do alone.

Happy Valentine's day to my ex
I will always smile at our pictures
I will always find you funny
I will always contemplate saying something to you when I see you
I will make fun of you to my friends to help me cope
I just wish that I hadn't completely lost you
Towards the end, we weren't in a healthy relationship
But I still miss you being my best friend
I still miss texting you good morning and goodnight
I hate that we have shut each other out
Because no matter how much you ****** me off I wanted to be there
Because you were my best friend

I'm numb.
Numb.

A word Ending in mb
Such a strange combination
Occurring most memorably in dumb

Numb.

People are injected with novocaine to quell the pain in surgical operations
I don't need any kind of injection for my own physical protection
I already feel no pain
Yet they give it to me all the same

This is defense
This is to cope
This just makes sense
That's what I hope
A rush of emotion
Something I can feel
Is this temporary
Is this even real

When was the last time you actually ate
I don't know - I don't know what I put on my plate
Joy for a minute and then it's all gone
And they ask me what is it - what could possibly be wrong

I'm yearning
And learning
And
Not earning

Any of their respect
It's a multiple-choice test and no answers are correct