It always starts this way...
you fold a paper airplane
throw it up...watch it fly...swoop
only to crash
"Its like love" he said
turning over in bed
the next time he spoke
he asked for money

"Its like love" I thought...as 
I walked out the door
thinking...nothing is ever like love...
what good is it to compare
what you want....and what is
"nog eentje" I say...and sip beer quickly
it's always so dark over here

one foot then the other...
keep...counting as you...make your...way
across tracks and cobbles
through crowds and rain
one drink too many.....but always too few
a separate issue now
no longer love in question
just lust and hunger for release

"are you alone now" he said
"no...I'm with you"
He reaches for my hand...
I'm reaching for my drink...
we collide and....glass smashes 
to the floor....bleeds red wine

a calm feeling now....after kissing and ***
the smell soothes...yet...creates confusion
an odour of such delight makes one feel...
feel so filthy...."its a necessary evil" he said
and as i close the last shirt button
I say "believe me...it has nothing to do with heaven"

I’m not some ******* up *******
Wanting to suffer
And insult myself
For the

Sake of it—

I just sit around and. Regret

Because why would I make the right
Choice while I can

“?”


It’s an endless loop
That I can’t break out of,
It’s an endless loop

That

I can’t cope
With the consequences
Of my actions

And it’s not like I want to
die.

Maybe.
Somehow.

I know my death won’t solve all my problems.

~
First God
Then Everest
To the ends of elation

Her eyes in sunflare
An imprint from her light
Heavy and pulling me
The ever after of the hereafter

In that moment I was hesitant
~

With a compass of sheer curiosity, I roam,  
An oxymoron guiding me to unknown realms,  
Chasing the edge of a world that’s never shown,  
Looking for paradise at every place,
Only to find in the void, a blank space.

Each question a spark, a thread to unwind,  
But this thread, it tangles, no answers to find,  
In the labyrinth of thought, I'm lost, confined,  
Curiosity's compass, leading a confused mind.

In the edge of a cliff, I stand up straight.
I see a mirror, staring back at me is my own fate.
Reflecting not my face, but just my shadow,  
The more I chase the light, the more I grow hollow.

In a labyrinth of thoughts, where every twist and bend,  
Feels both familiar and foreign, a journey with no end.
In the tangled vines of confusion, making things worse,
Engulfed in this darkness, being one with the curse.

They see me as mysterious, a figure shrouded in mist,  
But I wander the same paths, where exits don’t exist.  
Chasing a ghost, an echo of who I thought I'd be,  
Yet finding only illusions, hopes that deceive me.

I search for something lost, that perhaps was never there,  
A fleeting dream, a whisper, dissolving in the air.  
Endlessly I walk, seeking what I cannot see,  
A labyrinth of my making, where I’m never found to be.

Something told me that I need you
Unknowing if it was my heart, pride, or conscious
And so I fought
To my surprise I won
Then that shady culprit backed away
Desire gone
You're here
Yet they left me completely alone

"Jesus, son of Stada, is the Jesus, son of Pandira?"

Rav Hisda said, "The husband was Stadia and the lover was Pandora. His name was Spartacus & her name was Pythia."

"But was not the husband Nicodemus, son of Socrates and the mother Juno?"

"No. His mother was Raet-Tawy, who let her hair grow long and was called Maccabees." Maacah says about her: "She was unfaithful to her husband."

"But what of the roots of his tree?"

"The fruit that you see be not enough?"

"What of that which still eludes me?"

Do you still wonder?

The first time I met them,
I was met with silence;
These who did not speak.
They were unfamiliar with communication.
They were silent, but pondering beasts.
They looked up to me
With eyes full of fear.
Such beautiful innocence
When you lashed out at me,
For you were only trying to protect yourself
At what you perceived as dangerous.
But I placed my hand on your shoulder,
I rested my head against yours.
In your confusion,
I embraced you.