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R Spade 1d
Does my clarinet  
blame herself  
when she  

screeches?  

I asked her —  
careful  
not to press  
the wrong buttons.  

She hummed along,  
nodded  
like a good girl.  

(𝘞𝘩𝘺 𝘪𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵?)

I’m the one  
who blows  
down her throat,  
pressing keys  
until she forgets  
how to breathe.  

Her voice cracked —  
guilt hung in the air  
like smoke.  

"𝘪 𝘰𝘯𝘭𝘺 𝘦𝘤𝘩𝘰 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘱𝘶𝘵 𝘪𝘯,"
she whispered.  
"𝘮𝘺 𝘷𝘰𝘪𝘤𝘦 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘯𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘦."

I strike her notes harder.  
She chokes out bits,  
broken pieces  
that only make me angrier.  

Your wheezing is because  
you’re fragile.  
Cheap.  
Not because of me.  

(...𝘳𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵?)

"𝘪 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘴𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘥 𝘣𝘦𝘢𝘶𝘵𝘪𝘧𝘶𝘭 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘺𝘰𝘶,"
she sobbed.  

And I  
almost told her —  
𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗮𝗹𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗱𝘆 𝗱𝗼.

But the truth  
lodged in my throat,  
behind the breath  
that made her scream.
Too pure to touch,
Too perverse to honor.
In any case,
Too human to revere.
The ocean's bride
And the meadow's daughter
Uncross their fingers
To show they're sincere.
White rabbit, black rabbit,
Opposed halves of one.
The flouted is sought,
The belovèd, shunned.
The night mourns the light
With funeral tears
Soon after invoking
The death of the sun.
Jun '25

This one's about identity, people pleasing, double standards, and having zero idea who you want to be or how you should present yourself.
Why is my mind doing this
Bringing up the past
Thoughts of
You're not getting bored
Are you?
I'm not too much
Am I?
Sorry
I just worry
You're just gorgeous
In my eyes
The only beauty
I crave
To have around
I keep thinking about you
Only to instantly dismiss it
I fear falling for you
I don't wish to get to that point
The point where I fear
Losing you
I don't know
At this point
I feel that
I just want you
To claim me
Make Me Yours...
Some days I wake up in terror
The body would move if only the mind would
Send the signal
Feel safe enough to go on living
Those days I feel a cage in the shape of
My skin
Pushing inwards with so much force
I could become a black hole


Some other days I wake up vivid
Full of life
I can walk, run, lift
Smile
I can answer the phone
I can plan my days ahead
And the only thing getting in my way
Is a pain
In my lower back
That makes it difficult to make things fun
And a confusion
That makes it difficult not to wonder:


"𝘞𝘩𝘺 𝘥𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘣𝘢𝘥 𝘥𝘢𝘺𝘴 𝘮𝘢𝘬𝘦 𝘮𝘶𝘤𝘩 𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘴𝘦𝘯𝘴𝘦?"
Happy fathers day
I swish and i sway
I'm in an ocean
I start to decay

Drowning in emotion
You taught me to be brave
Always a commotion
You wouldn't have it any other way

I had to be brave
From the things you would say
You left us in the ocean
Floating in decay

You're tortured with demons
And left us at bay
Screaming and crying
You yelled at us to behave
As we all simply float away
While you hide in your cave

Happy fathers day
I'm not sure what to say
Maybe I love you
It's true I do
But maybe
I also want to say
I hate you
For everything you put us through
kinda feeling conflicted
We lost the baby
on a Tuesday.
No name, no warning,
just blood, and her crying
in the bathroom,
and me frozen
in the hallway
like a ******* coward.

She called it nature.
I called it punishment.
Neither of us said the truth:
we didn’t know what to do
with all that grief,
so we turned on each other.

I held her after,
but not the right way.
She needed rage,
I gave silence.
She wanted me to scream with her,
I whispered
and checked my phone
when I couldn’t take her breaking anymore.

She said,
“You didn’t care.”
I did.
But I didn’t know how to show it
without falling apart too.
And I thought I had to be the strong one.
What ******* that was.

We stopped talking.
Started sleeping with our backs turned.
Started looking at each other
like strangers
who shared a secret
too painful to survive.

And yeah,
eventually she left.
Packed her bags like
she was cleaning up a mess
we both made,
but only she had to carry.

We don’t speak now.
I don’t blame her.
I blame the silence,
the shame,
the ghost that never grew,
but still
haunts everything.

I still think about them,
the little one,
and her.
Both gone,
both real,
both things
I couldn’t hold on to.
Its been a year now since my world fell appart.
Ava Jun 9
Your eyes don't realize
They don’t thrive
They're done
Are you
Are you done with me
Have you given up
Have I
Should I
Your patterns
Your actions
Your eyes
So why am I hurt
So why am I-I
During the chess game,
she made a good move.
I smiled a little,
typed:
"Nice"

Just felt right.
A simple thing.
No reply.
We played on.
It ended—a draw.

Then came her words.
First:
"indian"

I blinked.
Felt the air shift.
Then, second:
"monkey"

I just sat there.
Not hurt yet. Not angry.
Just… stunned.
Like: is this real?
I typed back:
"Why"

I added:
"You broke my heart"

I read it again.
Still stunned.
I didn’t know her.
Didn’t do anything.
We just played.

Then she dropped:
"virginity"

That word.
Out of nowhere.
Then:
"i no interesed"
"bye"

It didn’t sting.
It didn’t burn.
It just confused me.
Like the wind changed direction
and I wasn’t ready.

I wrote:
"Virginity?"
"What are you saying?"

No reply.
Just me,
sitting with a drawn game
and a question
I never saw coming.

Hope this poem reaches you.
To Juana Dayana
Of Colombia—
From HRS,
An Indian soul,
Caught in a drawn game’s pull.

- THE END -

© 2025 June, Hasanur Rahman Shaikh.
All rights reserved.
It was just a game—until it wasn’t. A simple move, a small smile. Then her words came—sudden, sharp, and strange. This poem is me, still trying to make sense of that moment.
Time comes and time goes. Timed perfectly, sometimes.
It times its tricks, in time. Like well timed rhythmic rhymes.
For time’s no time-thread, or a time-tangible thread.
Yet time spins time-webs into each time-plagued head.

Whispers from before time, in the time-chiming clock,
That aching tick tock, That promises time will not stop.
Might time be a stream? No, times flow is no stream.
So, time, times itself through seams in our time-faulted dreams.

Timed moments count beats in time, till the moment time snaps.
Then just in time, time resets, and traps our time in timed traps.
For time just times its mask, in a time-shadowed guise.
sometimes, time keeps us blind in a maze of time-layered lies.

Through time’s timely weaving, as time unwinds our  mind.
Strictly timed, are moments we live for, never found in good time.
For time isn’t timeless, though time insists that it is.
Time’s tricks are simply timed tricks, with no time-starts or ends.

Timed pauses in space and time, seemingly timely at their best,
But time steals those perfect times from the time that we invest.
Yet time in its time-vault, keeps no time. No, not at all,
Time rises through ages, timing ‘till its time-laden fall.

When time times our time, it feels like time, this time is real.
Yet ill-timed illusions distort the times that we can feel.
For time isn’t timed timely, nor timed to our tune.
Time is bound by time,  like the timed oribiting of the moon.

In times of confusion, we time what time says isnt there,
As Time sifts through our grasp of time. like time, itself, is air.
Yet time will timely tell that, Sometimes, time is a myth.
Oh, the time wasted I've spent, believing in times timed wits.

And that’s assuming time is flexible, by assuming time is fixed.
And on that note,  this is all assuming, that time even exists.
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