Confused soul.
A little sad, kind of bored,
still catching sparks in my head.

Twenties feel strange
especially twenty-five,
like I’m walking in shoes
that never really fit right.

Sometimes I wonder
why I think a guy could shift my world,
when most days,
I can’t even shift my mood.

It doesn’t make sense.
Maybe it’s not supposed to.
But who cares,
it’s not even realistic.

The feeling comes in waves:
quiet, weird, a bit silly.
Like I miss someone
I’ve never even met.

I’ve given myself
all the right speeches
be strong,
be your own person.
you don’t need anyone,
just live your life.

But then I think of him.
Whoever he is.
And it all feels soft
and silly again.

Like maybe I’d kiss him,
then laugh,
because it’s all so
embarrassing and human.

I ask the universe, softly,
show me the way.
Maybe I’m not lost,
or totally lost,
just letting
the quiet moments hold me.

You made me feel
A world of hope
Life seemed brighter
When you gave me
Butterflies.

I gathered my courage
just to seem
like some "Sweet Girl"
To you
After all
Our conversations meant nothing
You blocked me. No Reason!
Just to avoid the awkwardness
Building up my hope
Just to disappear without a trace
Now all tears fall down the face
As I'm deeply confused of what I did
To make you block out my existence.

I understand rejection
It's so normal
yet so painful
I'm not mad you rejected me
But why did you blocked me?

I don't get it
I'm exactly your type too!
Abyssal black hair
A face as pale as paper
But I guess Something about me
Must've pushed you away
Weather it's because
I'm in Marching Band
Or that I religiously listen to Slipknot
Or both
I don't get what's wrong with me.
But why should I care
maybe because you left me confused
Yet I'm so sick that I refuse
To stop wondering
Why you blocked me out
When all I said was
"Sorry for making this awkward".

I've never got rejected
So this really
Hurts
But I will get over it
soon.

I was there all the time, while you were gone
One day you were there, the next day, gone
Everything was going good
So I never understood what went wrong
I never understood what I did so wrong
Because one day you were there
And the next day; bright, and early, gone
I never understood how another girl
Became your "number one"
Things started to turn south
When I noticed you were gone more
You'd make sure you were always quiet
When you managed to make your way home
And came through the door
Quiet as can be, so you didn't wake me up
Because you didn't want me to know
That you were actually out after work
With some girl who had a baby
Which made you look like a creep
How could you hit me below the belt, so deep?
You went and wandered the streets
Looking for someone else to satisfy
You and your petty selfish needs
You were playing house with someone else
Giving someone else the attention I was supposed to get
Not even caring to ask how I even felt
You hit me in the face one, slapped rather
That was a one time thing, not a big deal or matter
Because you hit me in front of my mother
And she told you point blank
"If you're going to hit my daughter;
You need to take a breath and really think"
And then I chimed in with;
"It's okay because if he ever tries or does it again;
I'll go to jail for breaking his **** hand."
The audacity this fool think he had
Cheated on me because I can't have kids
And he apparently wanted to be a dad
All you had to do was say something to me
That's something I would have come to understand
But instead you became unfaithful and left me sad
I really had feelings for you because I became obsessed
Starting going to work with you
And sitting in your vehicle for 8-12 hours like I was possessed
You drove me so crazy I didn't know what else to do
Then one day it all became clear
I wasn't needed anymore here
So I left, and never looked back.

Stephanie A. Ludwig
04/25/2025

mom said i'm spoiled
but i watched a spoiled girl cry
cause her mom sang her happy birthday
so am i really?

beberapa musim hujan di bulan november telah berlalu,
daun daun gugur dan menunggu untuk mekar kembali, banyak orang datang dan pergi
tidak ada seorang pun disini,
aku kembali menuliskan tentang hidupku
dan memeriksanya,
atas semua kesalahan yang telah kubuat,
dan aku takut,
aku mencoba membersihkan luka didalam diriku yang begitu dalam,

jadi aku berharap untuk melihatmu
bahkan jika kamu dapat melihat saya
saya tidak dapat melihat kamu,
aku menatap dinding hijau dan bertanya tanya
bisakah aku melihatmu sekarang?
bisakah aku memelukmu sekarang?
hanya kamu yang sabar saat aku kebingungan,
Lihat, orang berubah setiap saat
mereka tidak menyukai anda,
hari berikutnya mereka menyukainya
dan aku berharap semua orang bisa mencintaiku seperti dirimu mencintaiku


2025
reydmh

The crack in the sidewalk is my only comfort.
We've become friends overtime,
I tell her about the bottles and beer cans,
so lost I forget about the aches and pains.

She knows it's bad when I'm quiet.
I sit with the dark and listen to my sobs echo,
the rain can't drown out my thoughts.
The crack in the sidewalk is my only comfort.

Sometimes I go weeks without seeing her,
my identity drifts softly away with the tide.
Confused, I am too weak to find ground,
maybe it's best I cannot be saved.

The water leads me to my friend,
I shiver yet I cannot feel the cold.
She tells me that she's here for me,
the crack in the sidewalk is my only comfort.

I’ll take the test
And fail it on purpose
Because
I wanted to