It wasn't the best birthday,
Not that 39 is exciting anyway,
But I wasn't quite prepared
For what my brain threw my way today

What is even the point?
In turning 39?
Next year Clare and I are going to Ethiopia
- to sneakily go back in time ;)

38 was old enough
But still not quite that bad
39 is a lot more daunting
For there are no more "30's" to be had

But a few days ago I met a friend
Who just turned 70 last week
What was even more shocking
- she is still much fitter than me!

Her grandson is now 17
I once taught him to bake cakes
Back when I shared her house
Duncan was at primary school for goodness sake!

I don't know if Clare feels the same
About this weird age to become
Or whether as some say its just a number
My 70yr old friends are forever young

I have so much admiration for Clare
With her determination to succeed,
She does make me feel younger
Although turning 39 is still **** - it must be agreed :/

But I was determined to make the best
Of the last year beginning with "3"
Although I dramatically failed
Got dressed, panicked, then ate grapes until tea...

I did let down Teresa
I admire her so much too
We were supposed to eat cake
And how I miss our conversations about poo..

But here I still am
Dressed for both Africa and the North Pole
Required a walking pole to get to the pub
With snow turned to ice - it wouldn't be pretty to fall...

But I finished my day with a whisky
A wee dram to still being 30 something
A single malt Aberlour came to my rescue
To compliment the huge amount of Diazepam

I shall try again tomorrow
Looking forward to seeing Carryn again
So I officially cancelled my birthday
And tomorrow I will try again

But my goodness how Im so grateful
To some very special friends
Here in Aberdeen,
Mary and Glyn are those friends

My brain tortures me frequently
And today we had so many plans
They all went down the toilet
Quite literally (!) but gladly from the right end..

So generous are my adopted family
I can never be grateful enough
For putting up with my panic
Understanding my brain says its "had enough"

It might have been a ****** birthday
But I don't know where i'd have been
If it were not for Glyn and Mary
And their endless compassion and understanding.

To all my friends - sorry for being "weird", and I really do appreciate all your kindness with all my heart.. ❤️

The moon is a cake,
Gnawed by the rats of darkness;
Floats on the sky lake!

A cake with cheese
A morning with breeze
A gaze to tease
A scene to seize
Unforeseen indeed
Where is the peace?

A sweet sponge cake
With snow-white icing
And a single candle
As big as a basketball

The table's covered in silk
Confetti all over the walls
And the floor, too
It's time to celebrate

The candle lights up
They're hesitant
Too good to eat, they think
Noisemakers distract them

But there's no noisemakers to be found

One of them grabs the knife and sighs
It has to happen
The other make a wish
And the room goes dark

The knife makes a deep cut
Unexpectedly, jam comes out
They're scared
Invisible noisemakers continue to play
The cake remains still, unaffected by time

The one with the knife did not know what to do but throw it
And it hits another, but not the cake
Jam falls, drop by drop

The silky tablecloth gets ripped
It was never strong enough
Noise grows deafening

The birthday child cries

I baked a cake for my man
I gave him the whole
Yet he only took one slice

If I could do anything
I would be controlling clocks
And go right back to that mouldy box
With the broken locks
And the electrics off
Those days when I would sold me socks for cake and drops
Whist cooking rocks
***** this K detox
I feel like a baby fox
Thats I been ***** by all 3 bears and goldilocks
But day by day with my tool box and theese building blocks
I'll build my very own fort knox
Il see the light shine when I stike the  fire from my matchbox
Listening to my old jukebox

feed me
something that's
big enough
for me to
choke on

it's *****
until someone
actually dies

preferably me