You got that aesthetic about you,
You got a swag that you walk with,
You have a smile as bright as dynamite,
You are so pleasant for my sight.

For you and I,
It is always the wrong timing.

But deep down,
I know we are meant to be.

You and I,
Never available when the other is.

Deep down,
I know you know it’s me.

If distance was not a problem,
It would be you and I on the high way.

If you lived in my neighborhood,
I know we would be good.

If you could come to me,
Life would be amazing.

Love is always going to be there,
You know you got a part of my heart.

Something special that we have,
No doubt there.

We keep going back and forth
I am tired of playing tennis
Tell me if you really want this

I can’t keep putting you first
I wish we had the same thirst
I am tired of being third

How long will we play
Before one of us flees
Because someone always leaves

This time I don’t want to go
I don’t ever want to be your foe
I want to stay with you  

You have your walls high
Never giving too much
That’s why we’re out of touch

Out of sight but not out of mind
You know I wish you were mine
And not someone else’s dime

Your heart has space for one
I know she’s the one for you
I wish that could be undone

It is never the right time for us
I wish I could trust and not fuss
But I know this is all superfluous

If you ever love again
I want to be her
I hope this waiting isn’t in vain.

Staring off, into a hallucinogenic scar
Of a. Man that used to frolic,
I notice their eyes dwelling in its luggage,
Seeking diamonds of speculation though
Some might think of this as attention.

It burns in its atoms,
Hoping to observe shock.
Perhaps, a catastrophe.
Perhaps, an awakening,

It’s up to the magical world of the mind
To procreate perspective on that
Cacophony of benevolence, as
A mother does when presented their child,
By means, of surgical hands,

Concurring it’s value,

Like a beauty salon,

Signaling its importance
By rendering eyes to acknowledge its
Constant self transforming,
While dollar signs kindle their way through the Amazon to confrontation,
A song The Spectacle knows oh so well
While society dissects in its cultural forms,
Like Yahweh,
And “you don’t know what you say”
Or essence of Christianity,
And Tathāgata.

Brain dead poet,
Lost in the slums of
Originality and inspiration,

A hue of blue,
What else is new?

                                The changing of the guards.

So real,
so real.
as I starve to death
to bathe in bliss
burrow to a skin,
a cataclysm.
unraveling a deep blue, calamitous love
holding on to an anchor (and only him could do that)
open it like a gift;
a suture unfurling my pain,
so real and so does he.

supposedly
birds fly
In rhythm to
***
drop
drips
of sea,
for a kind of tastebud
damnation
Only a
drama contortionist could
believe in.
Ultimatums cause heavy weight
champions
to stop for champagne in the burbs,
expensive gas at a blank station
base plantation.

Come froth at the mouth at us for freedom.

The sadness in me is leaking out,
it’s on my foe’s hand, my friends’ arm,
I cried and I cry,
once again, those tears did not slip away.


It’s harder to breathe but you know this time- you’ll stay,
but you don’t want to.
Holding your breath in for 4 - 7 - 8 they said,
I held it in for like a minute and my body fights it-
but my body didn’t fight the chemical on the top floor,
or actually, it’s perfectly normal.
I am just a plumber who blames the leaking of the tank,
when I am the one who broke the taps,
leaking all the sadness,
splashing the blue on everyone who comes close and closer,
Blue and bluer.


The colour blue I painted is me asking for help,
silent scream, so loud- into people’s eardrums.
But somehow those who came near always got betrayed,
because I am a waste of time, a renegade, a ******* thing that fades,
even though I listen to everything they said-
but the voices in my head sang in unison
‘you are no good, the least you can do is be a nice friend to those helping hand but you’re still a needy ***** who only knows how to take but never give back’.
and I replied ‘Yeah maybe that’s true, maybe that’s right’
That’s why I should have left.


Because the truth is that I am incredibly selfish and guilty.
I am trapped between choking to death with those toxins
or splashing it out to a loved one.
At the last moment- when I was suffocating to death;
I realized that I am gonna die- I desperately begged for someone to come near
I begged them to say, to stay, not to be away.
At the same time, the voices in my head are louder
Using my mouth as a speaker,
Mouthing all the words I don’t know whether I meant to say.
Deepen into the core, choking on loved ones.


Yet again, I look at myself in despair.
Yet again, I said the same old sorry as I meant it but it means nothing.
Yet again, I crossed all the lines, I broke all the rules.
Yet again, I am blue because I hurt my close one, my closet one, my lifeline.


But in the end, what hurts me the most
is the fact that I am just another one of the bad friends,
bad employee,
bad daughter,
and also
a waste of
human being.
My intention was to survive and be good but in the end,
my action was
baseless,
useless,
worthless even.


To those who were painted with my blue,
I am sorry-
I tried but I am too full of sorrow.
I never meant to hurt you but still,
I did.
Didn’t mean to dump the whole bucket,
but you’re still wet
But rest assured that those will soonly dry,
no stains,
cos’ I shouldn’t stay.


I am deciding whether I stay or I stray,
Whether I fight or flight,
Whether I pray or I prey,
Whether I ride or rhyme,
Whether I live or laugh or love.
Hahaha, that’s too cringe.

Because
in order to live,
I must hold it in,
I must stop leaking the blue,

Because
in order to laugh,
I either find joy in my life,
or just look back at this pathetic so-called content.

Because in order to love,
I must leave.
Leaving this town,
press stop on the *******,
no more leaking the blues,
and rid me for good.

Because in order to continue this ride,
I must get better.
But here I am
rhyming the **** out of my feelings,
spraying the water that’s way too cold, it’s not chilling.

And nowadays, I pray for all of you now
because the wishes wouldn’t work for me
no more - I am too far.
I am a prey who prays and preys.

Lastly,
I am tired of the battle.
Thinking every day for a life
where I don’t have to fight
but it seems easier for me to flight.
Flight from all the circus,
the madness,
the_I-don’t-know-how-to-define or just call it life.
Flight from all of you,
my loved ones,
mon amies,
my best thing to ever happen to me
but have to bare me with a black dog that whispers my biggest insecurity


My biggest fear right now is that-
the sadness in me,
the sadness that is me.
The one that is eating me inside,
will crawl out,
eating up people I love.
Just to remind me I exist for no good,
to assure me to flight and to die.

This time, it’ll be for good.
This time, the tears will slip away.
and so will I.

Give me that sweet soul-******* blues,
Where my heart drops,
My mood drops,
Quicker than a stone in a well of *****.

Wail out to me that poor county tune,
With the man who lost everything,
Save for his heartache and a guitar,
Where he tells me of that bad juju.

Caress me with that sad ballad,
Of that woman who you love unconditionally,
Who can't give you what you need,
Where you can't ever get back that piece of your heart,
A piece that will forever be wilted and grey.

I'll drink it up,
A sponge that is fit to absorb it,
I'll do it all live long day,
I live for it,
Maybe it's a subtle masochism,
To hold my own pains at bay.

i sparkled a couple trillion
brain cells
one-one thousandth of a second ago
blue sky an  whiperwill