Still...

To be still with myself.
This i avoid.
It's uncomfortable just yet,
To be still with myself.

Too many thoughts in my head,
For me to untwist and untangle.
Too many memories.
I dont want to live over again.
Too many heartaches unfed.
Too many failures and mistakes,
That can never be earsed.

These i can not unbreak,
And i do not face.
Why be still and reflect on these pains?
It doesnt make them change.

Still is just not me.
That i can not be.
Busy I'll continue to be
Until there is nothing left
But still...
Then i will be still.

Lori L. Mack
10/28/2015

I hear a calling
But I prefer falling
So I practice avoidance
It's a void dance
To an annoyed trance
To avoid a glance
Or taking a chance

People take pieces they don't plan on returning
The only replacement is the sensation of burning
In this hell
With no one to tell
Because I locked my heart
Which felt like a good start
Until loneliness pervaded my soul
And I can't climb out of this hole

I create isolation
When there's no inspiration
I discontinue integration
And go on permanent vacation
I watch movies
To feel groovy
I write
Out of sight
I play video games
To avoid shame
I decide to act lame
So no one asks my name

I begin to feel sour
In my lonely tower
I used to think independence was power
Until I found myself in my darkest hour
With only friends to help
The same friends I put on a shelf
That are now mythical like an elf

Is life just giving all my pieces away?
Disconnection leaves my life grey
But if I decide to stay
My love they will slay
They will toy with my emotions
Until I feel their encroachment
But I'd rather have a toy's chance
Than live my life in a void dance

Within my infinite love
Lies Chaos.
In this galaxy of hollow emotions
Where my heart became eclipsed.
Where I can't protect your soul
And my feelings crash and burn.

I smell your suffering
And I catch a whiff of fear.
The pain.
I feel the cancer spread.  Violently
Waving my finger
As I cure it with my anger.

Avoidance.  Suppression. My strong old friends
Fighting for the answers.
Strong.
In this galaxy to be won.

But the light is out.
The fire is gone.  As I slowly dig my grave
And frown my way to death.
Did it work?  Or did I make it worse?
In this galaxy ruled my nature;
In this galaxy owned by love.

Forgetting you exist
Should not have been easier
Than existing with you