Wait a moment I'm thinking,
The sadness syncing,
Maybe i'm dead,  I'm never blinking
always in a room closed, in my head
And thinking, and inking, in my bed
Never awake, always sinking.

Bottles by the bed, in my head
with fear shed, and years bled
and my sadness been drinking
All my tears and pain,

Maybe i'm insane, tell me, what's my name ? What's my name ?  Tell me, what's my name ? I'll ask again, what's my name ? Please whisper!

There's nobody else in my brain, It's so filthy and i cannot even look at the man in the mirror.
He makes feel so ugly.




From Compton to the streets
I heard their names
From a random city
I try but i have no game
I have no name, and no shame
Feed me your hollow
I'll eat away a part of your blame
I'll follow you around the world
Just tell me my name ?



I'm no one, no heart, maybe someone
But no scars, I'm tired and done,
so fired up,
In love, here to lose and burn.




I'll never learn that i can
Never ever reach the sky
More lies, sure i'll cry,
If someday i die, before my time
Maybe it's all in my mind
The walls and the rhymes
The kind man and the blind
I don't understand but it's fine

I'm not gonna make it
I hate it, hate that fact
In fact, it makes me want to
Not be mad, makes me sad
That I wasn't raised to be bad
Taught to be mad,

So normal, wearing formal
Staying dormant, fearing gold
And the glittering ornaments
There's no fun in fancy garments
I don't have any green for the
Entitlement,

Maybe I was wrong to seek
Enlightenment,
Not meant to speak anything foreign

Always looking for questions on the line, online, on random forums, what's mine
Whats yours, nobody knows and that's the moment, where you can find your torment,

The pain would still grow and my voice will still hurt, fill my share of world with words and more dirt,

Dawn to dust, gone with rust, here i lust lest i fall in love, and i know i cannot keep up, i'm so fed up, stuck within myself and locked, with no one to talk, not enough space for me to walk, i wear no face and i am who i am not, when I see in the mirror it stops, the clock is shattered, and it doesn't matter who won.

Wait a moment I'm thinking,
The sadness syncing,
Maybe i'm dead,  I'm never blinking
always in a room closed, in my head
And thinking, and inking, in my bed
Never awake, always sinking.

Bottles by the bed, in my head
with fear shed, and years bled
and my sadness been drinking
All my tears and pain,

Maybe i'm insane, tell me, what's my name ? What's my name ?  Tell me, what's my name ? I'll ask again, what's my name ? Please whisper!

There's nobody else in my brain, It's so filthy and i cannot even look at the man in the mirror.
He makes feel so ugly.


that old man on the pavement has no eyes,
It's better to be cold than to live in a fear you cannot describe,
With every tear we hide, more of us, and more of us die,
every year we make a resolution for pollution and we try,
to fly without wings, we can do without things,
they say sky is the limit, but nobody asks why, why can't we search for it within

People going bezerk over little things, and you cannot win,
Or you'll be left in a riddle, felt alight for a while and now i'm back in the middle playing second fiddle to my heart that is brittle,

My pain won't wither, and they won't whisper to me why they linger

All around my soul, masking me whole, and i keep asking why am I so cold ?
Where is the life, my rhymes, that line when I need something to hold

Nothing's new and I've said everything I had to say before,
Painting my blues, as i can, but I don't understand, i'm never sure,

Have no clue, they've locked the door, and now i'm a mad-man.

And the madness grows, the sadness knows, as the winds blows,

And the sand eats the earth, we were all dirt, we are all dust.

And nobody knows.




Yeah, i read, i read all day
I bleed, i feed all day, i see
I'm free all day, and it repeats
It eats into my brain and it feeds
It sinks deep inside my viens
And inks me when I'm asleep
I blink and what i am think-ing
Makes no sense in a heart beat
It's so hard to beat what you need
And what you keep is so hard to reach
Its better to be ripped apart in pieces
Than to leave it out in the open to feed
So broken and apart but still i greed
No smile on my face but i still greet
Every tear with the same surprise
My brain is in a free- fall i cannot
Describe, i don't subscribe to what
I believe, i believe more in lies
They teach more than they preach
And that's enough confusion
To suffice, in so many illusions
You cannot seek that one delusion
And become what you cannot hide
It's true, the dead cannot die
No good-bye's, it's all in our heads
But we don't get, we are designed to
Forget but maybe just not yet, no, not today, I keep telling myself all night
From so far away, there are so many ways,
She could have stayed, he could have stayed, but nobody stays, and nobody stayed, and that's how we were made, so broken and vile.

I breathe beneath the ocean
And i drink my tears out in the open
My head is a night and eyes broken
I say things loud in fear, so rotten
And soon i'll be forgotten.

Wait a moment I'm thinking,
The sadness syncing,
Maybe i'm dead,  I'm never blinking
always in a room closed, in my head
And thinking, and inking, in my bed
Never awake, always sinking.


Bottles by the bed, in my head
with fear shed, and years bled
and my sadness been drinking
All my tears and pain,

Maybe i'm insane, tell me, what's my name ? What's my name ?  Tell me, what's my name ? I'll ask again, what's my name ? Please whisper!

There's nobody else in my brain, It's so filthy and i cannot even look at the man in the mirror.
He makes feel so ugly.




And he keeps me, never leaves me
It loves me and feeds me
When I'm down it needs me
Never around when it eats me
Laid on the ground in the end,
Six feet too deep, or maybe burning
It's better to be afraid than never be
Found, better to hate, than be bitter
It's better to wither than drown.

So wear your crown of ****,
And wear your gown of thorns
That never fits, let it sync
You were born in a ****** place and an old town.

So wear that face, and glow
For nobody can know, it's been sinking and it's been syncing, and you've been dreaming, and it's so loud.


Wait a moment I'm thinking,
The sadness syncing,
Maybe i'm dead,  I'm never blinking
always in a room closed, in my head
And thinking, and inking, in my bed
Never awake, always sinking.

Bottles by the bed, in my head
with fear shed, and years bled
and my sadness been drinking
All my tears and pain,

Maybe i'm insane, tell me, what's my name ? What's my name ?  Tell me, what's my name ? I'll ask again, what's my name ? Please whisper!

There's nobody else in my brain, It's so filthy and i cannot even look at the man in the mirror.
He makes feel so ugly.

For a few months time
I kept a poetry notebook
Always by my side.

When I would write about
Something happy and positive
It would be written on the next page from the front of my notebook.

When I would write about
Something sad and somber or negative
I would write it on the next page from the back of my notebook.

It almost seemed like a competition then
Which would fill up my pages first?
Joy or sorrow?

Now and then I still take that notebook
Thumb it open
And examine its pages.

The only difference is
That now my happiness
Is written on my face
In the form of a smile
And you are the author
Who placed it there.

Pain sat next to me
The nerve
It sat next to me
To give me something I don't deserve
It made its apologies
It hugged me like a long lost friend
And made it's way into my heart
I knew this feeling from beginning to end
I said "Pain, you have something coming, a big reveal,
I'm tired of masking you, suppressing what I feel."
It said "Darling, I was wondering when you were going
to put up a fight. Now let the world see that only through me,
you're inspired to write".

https://soundcloud.com/aviisevil/lyrical-in-genuis ( visit this link )

the ill on my lips
is filled
with hurt in my heart
and the thrill
in my veins;
of knowing
there's a sadness
coming again,
to soothe all my scars

as the salt on my tongue
keeps reminding me
of the tears i cry

it'll still take
an ocean's worth
for the love to dry

Ingenious, that clever man is heinous, completely outrageously mental genius.

but again what's in the name if it's just a game and the dream is the genie in us

so rub yourself and pardon me, but learn to love yourself, stop guarding me.

the you in me is swallowing me,
the me in you is always following me, i
don't get how i can forget you're which part of me, *****.

i don't regret but if i could, i know, i would cut you out of me,
go ahead, give a head, see if i have a **** to give instead, for i'm just as dead but let them ghosts shout at me.

end the lie of me, i've had enough to see, and if i cannot be free i cannot be,
there's no end to me. you don't know anything about me.

because it's not about me.

it never was, it was me, i was lost, counting all my flaws, writing down in ink all their laws.

everything that they taught had some thing that was not alright,
but i could not stop because i did not have it in me to fight.

maybe i was a coward but that's how it works when you're used to the night.

the sun is too bright, you're confused by the light and the world, there are no words left to describe your hurt.

and you need somebody to hold you tight but it's just cold and you're old with no one by your side. **** that girl, right ?

the one who did not leave you alive.

left you down to drown into the sound of your screams that you dream every time your mind means to lean on what had been
but is not, because everything else has died. but you,

and you're still being nice. *******. all you care about is you, what about me ?

can't you see ?

i'm pretty, depressed, petty and obsessed with my thoughts suppressed caught in stress and it's hard to digest that i must ingest the mess of my nothingness,

my mind cannot rest, there's a world war going off inside of me, outside i'm lost on me, there's a god but maybe he's not aware of me, can somebody please take care for me ?

**** that, i don't need you here for me, i'm blessed and sold in my serenity, and i feel i must inject my-self with hell, if i want to get rid of me,
just for a moment riddle me, don't tell if can spell what's in-side of me, i'm so usually out-side of me, so foolishly wise of me, to have a doubt when it's not nice of me to trust you to trust me.

there's so much i do not speak, so much inside of me that cannot dream,
i do not sing well, but there's so much to scream, and nothing to tell to anybody.

well, that's not true for everybody, maybe i'm afraid, what my mama will say,
what papa will say, when i'll be nobody on my way, sitting in hell, meeting everybody.

but again what's in the name if it's just a game and the dream is the genie in us

Ingenious, that clever man is heinous, completely outrageously mental genius.

*****, i cannot change it
if i could, i would escape this
you and me are outrageous.

i don't have it in me to fight
i feel so hated, i cannot take it
i hope i'll be alright.




lookin' back to the summer lovin' and selfishly countin' bliss,
i've been through a grimmer something, but never more than this,

how it all comes back to nothing, how do you ever escape from it ?
i see in the mirror, i see a grin and her hurting and it makes me sick

if you don't know what pain is, how do you paint it ?
how do you figure out a way to say you know what faded

how do you tell them that the pain inside you is dangerous
to keep them their distance or they'll be burnt pages
                                
tell them to stop sayin' it!




*****, i cannot change it
if i could, i would escape this
you and me are outrageous
so many different faces

been through so many stages
so true about them phases
the way they say it
it's all true ain't it ?

love is it ?

the way life out paces
and everybody just races
it never fails to amaze me
how much everyone has waited
to feel alive

lord, help me through the night,
if i could, i would escape this
i don't have it in me to fight

i feel so hated, i cannot take it
i hope i'll be alright.

:zone zero: :alone:


what am i doing back on the phone, back on the drone, i admit i am alone, like ozone
in the air and i don't care if you're aware i'm not in the zone,
sometimes i wish i could ****** my own clone,
i hate everybody and everything he owns,
when i'll be gone there'll be no one left behind to mourn,
i'll be just lost in death as i was alive, in my time i roamed,
all across my mind and galaxies as far as i could to atone,
for my insecurities and responsibilities, they don't gel well in a broken home,
suspectible to them sticks and stones,
don't be a **** if you've never had your mind-known,
there's a circus fit, the circuits lit, let the circle sit in the middle of the riddle that has your mind-blown,
you won't understand a single thing, if you don't linger in ink,
long enough for the seeds to be sown,
i have a shot attention span, so many thoughts hunt and spam,
everybody just running to please the known man on the throne
the screen is glittering with ****, enough to make me sick,
there are so many infected by it, soon i'll be one of this,
i can feel the delusions have grown, the more illusions are born
at every opportunity thrown out of the window to rot and be ******
and as i look out that window world still feels hot but too out grown,
i'm happy on my own in my zone. zero. hollow.


:one: :two many:

i hate you today i'll hate you tomorrow
i hated your love i'll hate your sorrow
there's not enough air left to swallow
i suppose i'll be dead alone and hollow

surely in my head where thoughts follow the reason to dread anything that's not impervious to change,
i mean, me and myself are pretty strange, petty and ugly out ranged,
not in frequency like the rest of them, not trained,
not tamed, there's something wrong in my brain,
so come along and become a song as you find a voice to sing and shame,
the person who died because you said it's alright if you see the light at the end of tunnel where i found myself staring at a mirror again,
i'm back where it all begin, in the reflection looking for a name,
but there's so much hate that i cannot wait to hate you more as i waste myself in haste to make myself the monster i became,
i won't blame your tastes but, you're just a lame luck, a shame bud,
and i gave you all you could take thus you took everything but the pain such,
left me alone and cold on my own with blame enough,
that all the love got flooded in flames and now i'm stuck,
with all this hate that's deep down and shut,
i feel like a clown and a ****, so tough, ready to combust,
i'll be awake from night till dusk, reminded that i must hate you till i bleed to dust.

:three: : i wasn't humble:

and i can find myself often in a situation where the words fumble,
and i tumble down under into another void, i have no voice,
so many times it would have been wise to surrender,
but i was open up wide and i chose to ride the thunder,
and now here i wonder, if all my principles were insane ?
if a good man is really that huge opportunity of nothing to gain,
is it okay to be strange ?, is it not okay to be changed ?
when everything is evolving around you how right is to remain the same ?
and i still wander, in the lane, where the fast one's run and rise
is it easier to become again who you became and other-wise,
there's nobody out there to welcome you to the other-side,
all side's are the same, if you can see the clues in blue light,
it never mattered if you cannot see the atoms in violence,
there's only silence where you fight-
sitting on your made up throne, wearing a crown of your broken bones,
sipping the wine aged by your tears, you made a kingdom yet nobody's here,
you don't even have the luxury of a broken home, and it's clear,
there's no time-travel and you have wasted so many of your years,
in need of a few eyes and ears, there's not much on me i fear,
i'm even worse than i am, when i'm near a mirror that's dear,
watching the reflections sing to me  before as i,

:four: :paradise:

paradise in a pair of dice, repair ice, build me frozen lies-
cold and soothing, a puff of smoke and the time flies,
nothing to check or choke, how the mind-flies, into unknown, where the blind man tries,
to see the world, to find and understand the words in his sight,
don't let go, we're plunging back to earth and i'll lose you if you don't hold my hand tight,
we'll never reach the sky, falling back to where the dreams die,
i don't want the light, i want the dark and the cold to hold me all night,
i wasn't told you'd have to earn the fun by setting fire to the paradise,
i'll set fire to the paradise, and we'll both burn in hell for an eternity,
there's no love for me in this city, i'd have to leave you by your side,
take away my vice, travel all the way away never sin and be nice,
so i can learn how to keep you in, read in ink, breathe and win,
every battle that i wasn't prepared when you looked at me and clicked your heels thrice,
it's not paradise, if you need to survive, i've only died like twice,
and a million times more only to come back alive,
it's not para-dise, if it can-not die.

:count to five: :be dead:

there's no brain in my head, every time i take a breath, i go back to bed,
it's hard to fight the loneliness when you're not well,
i go back to myself, strangle myself, angle myself from a high and jump,
my brain made me do so many stupid things that i became a joke,
now i don't suffocate when i choke, get high when i smoke,
turn the wheels when i walk, i talk stupid when i talk,
on purpose i sting and shock, close the doors, burn and lock,
all that i have learned is that i have turned into a clown,
with tears in my eyes and words on my lips,
enough stings to sing them something that brings them the bliss,

but they've to all go back before it's nine,

these *******' lovers are so hard to find, i don't trust them with all my mind,
end these times, with fake *** people and their feeble kind,
the **** gets deeper the more you grind, and it's ain't a hole if it's a *****,
take me for my rudnes but i can't be that blind,
i've seen the signs, i've served my crimes, don't look at me like you can't bear me,
like i'm so ugly that you don't even feel me,
i've been left behind, and now it's just me and sadness,
talking about how i'll never be fine, my heart's telling me it's my time,
that's it for me, world wants to get rid of me, i don't belong,
and every thought in my head feels so negative and wrong,
it's just the narrative, trust me it's many more times more strong,
it's so cold where i sit that i'm sure of it, i'm sure i'll freeze everything that warms,
so i never find myself not numb, i'm not that dumb, but i hope i never find myself  in your arms,
i hope you forget me, delete me, count to five and i'll be gone,
some people never get to build a home, for they're the storm,
everything comes and goes, they've come and gone, earned and known,
made whole and be torn, into a million pieces to be born again,
over and over again, until the wheels stop rollin',
the voices stop callin',
there's nobody waiting,
so start walking back to where you are,
the night is full of stars,
and the wheels are still rollin'
stop controllin' and you'll reach where you are,
the light is full of scars,
so switch off the lights, and the tears will stop falling,
there's nobody else strolling in the lanes where you find yourself today,
i won't be loved by nobody, until i dive into a grave some-day,
wearing black, everybody would come around to give respect that would have nothing to say,
nobody cares for you like you do for the man in the mirror night and day,
but the man in the mirror has someone else in his eyes all day,
so blind, enchanted by the shine, of an artificial sun,
that'll burn everyone if the reflection stays.


i've come and gone in so many ways, that now i'm just tired-
that it's the time i count to five, and burn my-self in the fire.

here, somewhere lost in deep ways
i talk to myself a lot these days
somebody put a stop or i'll de-cay
haven't slept, now it has been three days

heaven has wept, all that is kept must be repaid,
if you put your mind to rest, the thoughts will eat you away-
don't look in the mirror lest you'll find so many things to be said,
and you'll hear them whispers;
don't mind regrets that one day you will learn to hate.


so wait for your turn to burn before you find a reason to stay,
if you see the sun you'll see the moon but you're blind by the peasant day
if there's no noon, only monsoon, how soon would the time fade ?
with nothing to do, the sky wouldn't be blue, how much gloom can a mind take ?
is mi-ne fake ?,
because i can't find no fun in a pleasant day

i'm not trying to find a clue but is it true that the dying stays ?
i'm nobody new but somebody you knew does that count today ?
you're a strange man you, every time a different view, so many mistakes,
but i really know you well, oh hell, don't tell, i pray, i do
you know me well too, we're the same you and i, we're one, we're two

a thought and a *****, a lonely dream that never grew, a rotting plague
i'm so afraid, the demons i've made will all eat me alive,
small and tall, breaking all the walls, in the night, in the light,
how do you fight ?
with an ocean by a broken faith,

i talk to myself so i don't ever forget this place,
in a room full of hate, it's easy to regret the burnt flakes,

the burned flames, screaming into the stunned tears,
nobody to blame but our own fears, shunned ears, closed eyes-
i've lost so many years to the earned lies,
now i don't need my own cray-
but i keep them astray and close by, so alone away

i breathe stray,
i thought you could stay

tears in ashtray
nothing to say-

here, somewhere lost in deep ways
i talk to myself a lot these days

somebody put a stop or i'll de-cay
it was never supposed to be this way

the need to write is taunting my head, i've screamed so many times but there are still monsters under-neath my bed,

if it's alright then, why am i so pleased to be upset, is this world just a lie, is it just my mind and when one day i'll be dead ?

it doesn't make any sense, there's not enough fuel for suspense, it's as simple as it gets, multiply it by complex

life is just a paradox and that's all we ever get, learn and forget,
get trained and then get canned for being a lonely pet,
if there was only a place to rest, when we're tired and have questions, because guess life's just a test,
why is that so hard to be blessed ?

i've confessed all my sins but there's no forgiveness to my self,
they don't know how to read my words not in ink, and i know that for myself,
if i ever want to run away i can't, you can never escape from yourself,
and it gets harder if you ever find that you have nobody to tell,

that's a one way ticket to hell,
you have only your soul to sell


smoke is just a reminder of what was, something lost-
travelling in circles and out of depth

it's so hard to stop for a moment and take a breath

i fear death, as i fear life

there's nobody else left alive, in my head everything is dead, nothing survived

i'm an apocalypse and there's no place left where i can hide
every thought is another battle that i have no strength to fight.

the storm is awake and the moon has swallowed the night,
i don't know what to do, i can barely see in all this light.

it's gonna' burn all night, inside of me and it's gonna' burn all of me alright.