this is not a ten stepper essay.  You are, and you admit it, full stop. Addicted to HP.  No help here.

but to answer the question...

the writing of a poem,
no matter what your style,
eye dropper word selection,
slow methodical,
or furious expelling, frying oil
until crescendo is achieved
is clearly a fulfillment of
a ****** type of need.

Afterwards,
after words,
when you repeatedly
check the number of likes,
it is just you asking me

was it as good for you
as it was for me?

Usually, eventually,
the answer is a
quiet, soft spoken,
very few reads version of:

"Uh, just let me sleep"
which means you will try again
in the the morning suncomeforth.

I'm not alcoholic
I just want to feel love
From the people around me

I'm not alcoholic
I just want to forget
The depression trapped in me

I'm not alcoholic
I just want to feel happier
Just to temporarily remove the pain

I'm not addicted
It's just my solution...

your lips should be called ecstasy.

you were my medicine
but now im overdosing
straight to the brain
when i take you in
doses so large people wonder
how im not dead yet

and my friends are in my ear
screaming, crying, reminding me
that all you caused was hurt
but your love was just so blinding

maybe our love was laced
because darling, im high on you
and youre high on me
our romance became chemical

****, u were my medicine
and now im overdosing
everytime you go
it leaves me jonesing
for one more hit
the sweet sensation of acidic touch
i couldnt afford to believe in
such thing as too much
euphoria

the sting, the drip, the pain
the energy i get
only lasts a fleeting moment
so i crave something harder

my need for pain
became insatiable
i dont know if im capable
of staying sober  
3/26/2019

I need a fix
I'm going low
Without a hit
I'll get sad
And who's fault's that?
Give me a fix
Or I'll go mad

It's Dopamine I need

So click on 'Like'
No. Better still,
I'd love your 'Love'
It's such a thrill.
I'll feel better for
a 'Comment', or two.
a fix like that
would see me through the day.
The more you give
the happier I'll become

It's Dopamine I need

Give me a fix
I need it bad
If you 'Follow' me
I'd be so glad
You reward me
with this Happy Drug
I'll reward you
with a verse or two.

In the hope this drug flows both ways
Lets be Happy together.
So for both of us
just give me Dopamine

I forcefeed my body a poison in the name of peace
When it coughs and begs please don’t  
I hold my hands over its crying mouth and say just one more
The sweet aroma only I can smell when it’s been so long
My lungs cry at this smell
The putrid tears of tar seep into my stomach
It moans a low growl and gurgles it’s insults at me these slurs
              slide
                      down
                               these tubes of mine whispering
over one another as if those  tar teardrops had turned into small souls clawing at me until their grave
My soul lying at the bottom becoming darker and darker