w h y ' s
h a v i n g
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a  d  d  i  c  t  i  o  n
l   e   f   t
s e e m
h   a   r   d   e   r
t h a n
h  a  v  i  n  g
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I hate how I love this feeling
Warmth that crawls through each vein
All control lost in it's presence
Dependency driving insane

I ride wave like a surfboard
Wherever it may go
No matter how low it carries me
Don't have the will to let go

Time spins circles around
Feels like I am frozen in place
Not only am I not in first
Not even running the race

But wings of comfort lift
In the air while I am high
I inevitably come crashing down
That comfort is only a lie

Hardly notice pain when I land
The drugs have made me numb
It is only when I run out of them
That I am forced to face what I've become

I watch dreams slip out of hands
They fly somewhere out of range
In their place are thorny regrets
Does not seem like a fair exchange

Nothing good blooms here anymore
Body became a barren wasteland
Only the occasional tumbleweed
Rolls across desert of sand

My soul scorched and blackened
Like earth where lightning struck
All the universe offers me
A pocketful of bad luck

The world a beautiful place I know
To me it no longer looks that way
Envy the people who still see it as such
From my perspective surroundings are grey

Maybe if I hold on a little longer
Blue skies will one day return
It's hard to hope when you've witnessed
Everything you love and care for burn

And it is even harder living
Amidst ashes of your greatest desire
When you cannot escape the awful fact
You're the one who started the fire