we were just like
two numerical numbers
from the opposing sign
added together
and the result is zero*

©IGMS

I have no voice,
Because I have been vomiting up pills each and every morning,
getting into my old anna habits you may say,
I don't wanna live on an ADHD diet,
the pills **** with me,
I'm 174.0lb please,
I am a little heavy,
but it's to the point where,
I was 220,
and I could barely breath,
when I had a panic attack,
so my mom is helping me lose weight,
but pills that make me starve myself,
are ones I wanna do without,
so I ***** each day before I eat,
after I consume the pills,
because she won't let me get off them,
you think im crazy,
but I've lost my weight the way I wanted to,
changed my eating styles,
getting rid of the junk food,
eating healthy,
trying to get over some of my sensory issues,
without having to take a ******* ADHD pill for the last month,
I've lost more weight doing that,
then skipping a meal because I had no hunger,
due to medication,
But I'm being healthy about it,
But I'm also not,
because I told you,
I ***** my pills everyday,
so I'm losing my voice,
like I did,
*In my elementary school days,

Everyone has those days,
Where they just can seem to pay attention,
Where all they want to do is look out the window.
For me, Its everyday,

Everyday since I could remember misspelling my name at the top of my paper,
That went on till I was in third grade,
Its funny how I can write it so simply now,
And how the spelling of my name,
Used to be the least of my worries.

I remember when I used to jump around all the time,
Not ever being able to calm down,
Now I have that restless leg syndrome,
Whenever I’m called on by a teacher,
My anxiety kicks in,
But I still have to sit there uncomfortably,
And answer their question,

Honestly, its not fair,
When people think its all an act,
I wish they would see how I struggled,
When I’m unable to ask for things I really need,
Because I’d rather take a zero then let someone make me feel,
Less then,

More than I already do,
When I am the awkward one,
with my “friends” in the conversations,
Not being socially acceptable,
Because sometimes I talk when I shouldn’t,
Or don’t always get everything,

But when teachers don’t even want to try,
And understand you,
And maybe help you when they're supposed to,

Why do they expect me to keep trying?
When I’d get the same results,
if I just gave up.

This is what happens when you have an unseen disability,
Because no one believes it's a really thing,
So everyone gives up,

Everyone thinks kids use it as an excuse to be lazy,
But anyone with it,
Know how hard it takes to work for something,
And then watch it mean nothing.

keep doing things like you are now,
and I hope to see you get pushed even further down,
by the ones who are supposed to help pull you up.

I will and have always been here to help you,
              and have,
but one day that's going to stop.

and that's going to ****,
when you learn how much the world ***** first hand.
because no one holds your hand.

and life,
its not one plan,
its full of little things you eventually fall into,

but what you have fallen into,
is a sick and twisted pattern,
my old friend,

you gotta get out of this monster,
You know me,
by god,

our house,
everything's a ******* open book,
and sometimes I feel you don't even look,

but maybe your over looking,
or not looking close enough,
Because you were the one whose always had more then enough,

I don't say that to make u feel sorry for me,
but I say it so maybe you on top of everything,
Don't also have to be someone who is mean,

Having a knowledge about me,
you know how,
kids can me cruel,

and your constant put downs,
are no better then the ones I get served at school daily,
from teachers students and friends and now I guess my family,

Being told theirs nothing wrong,
like lying to me,
telling me my dreams are now a reality,

BUT THERE NOT,
because there are too many things wrong to name,
and my dream wont ever become more then a game,
because my mind is being told lies to feed my flame,

and you can call me the lier,
and call it my own game,
ad that I'm only looking to gain,

But I only want to gain,
What I've always been denied,
And that used to be the help I needed in school,

But as you said,
Like everyone else too,
I'm going no where,

So all I ask for,
Is my happiness they robbed me of,
but that's impassible to get back,

Just like love,
But I can at lest act loving,
And pretend happiness is a thing that exists for me,

because I don't know,
What else to do,
because I've missed out on so much,

and for you to tell me I'm stupid and don't know ****,
That's *******,
you don't know ****,

Our house was and always will be an open book,
my life's been discussed openly,
you know everything about me,

so I'll ask you this,
Why didn't you chose,
to look closely?

I,
Struggle,
Day to day,
To,
Fit in,
Eat publicly,
Pay attention,
Keep my focus,
Live in this house,
Live at all,
But,

My,
Friends,
Struggle,
To,
Respect,
That I am another intellect,
That I want to be correct,
But,
They tell me,
Its something I'll never be,
And too see,
I''m a defect.  
Then,

My,
Teacher,
Struggles
To,
Understand,
Lunch is used by me,
to get my extra help I need,
That I'm not Bullshitting,
When I say I want to,
Succeed,
So Lunch,
Is used by me,
To bleed,
While you sit and read,
Claiming I miss read,
into what you just said,
So then,

My,
Mom,                          
And my,
                              Daddy,
Fight,
Hating everything wrong with me,
A daughter who couldn't of been born,
Paralyzed physically,
But Mentally,
Is causing them both to verbally,
Abuse each other consistently,
But,

We,
Still,
Go to Church every Sunday,
As a Family,
And Believe in a God,
Not Everyone does,
Because not everyone can See what he has done,
And then we come Home,
And the fights Continue,
And no one wants to be Home,
Because like God,
People don't want to Believe,
In a Thing they cannot See,
So,

I'll,
Have to,
Keep going on,
Letting the world kick me when I'm Down,
Because I've been down forever,
And no one wants me,
To come up,
just enough,
To feel strong and safe,
in this world of hate,
where our perception,
out weighs the truth,
The reality,
and the well being,
Of innocent,
little girls,
Who'd rather die most days,
then live,
because of a lack of,
perception.