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Devan McLain Sep 2017
I wish I knew how to feel ten times bigger than myself
but I get so lost in the swarm that is me, that is inside of me
this being and entity that I am sometimes too out of touch with
and sometimes I can't separate myself from
I need to feel you, I need to feel that you feel me and I need to know that you see me
but I can't even see myself
can't even fix myself

I get so lost in the sadness that comes from constant failure and I lose touch with all the love that surrounds me
animals who loves me, the man who loves me

I want a man who tells me he needs his girl
you always need your girl
I love you so much
I love you so much for wanting me
I feel like you love me despite of who I am, how I am, who I am, how I am....
what separates my actions from who I am as a person, as a partner?

I may forget everything else, but I will never forget my love for you
I will never forget the pain that comes from just the thought of losing you
I want this to work, I want to work, I want to make this work
I can't' lose myself, but I myself am lost
I can't lose this, I can't lose you
what am I to do?
Where will we be in ten years time, will we love each other still or will our frustrations stopped our hearts from feeling the love despite what we are together?
I want you to love me for who I am, I need you to love me for who I am
not despite who I am...
I need to love me for who I am
not despite who I am
despite myself I love you. I love you I live you
jude rigor Sep 2017
air is
not bitter
like me
i have
spirit
somewhere
wilting
sunflowers
full of willing
kissing wind
just for me:
i feel my longing
in each pause
every breath
of sunlight
cold morning
lukewarm coffee
steam,
air not so bitter
like me
i feel like i'm caught in a not totally awful limbo does anyone get what i mean
Aaron LaLux Sep 2017
Outta Here

This is already taking to long,
over it before I’m even into it,
too legit to quit what not,
genuine not counterfeit,

I counter with,
Love when ever a Hater steps,
got the best moves like a chess move,
where the Queen gets the King hit,

call that one,
the King’s Gambit,
reckless like drunk double agent detective,
accidental checkmate surprised as you still act like I planned it,

but if you’ve noticed in chess,
it always ends with “check mate.”,
which means you never actually **** the man,
you warn but do not finish him,

must be an English game,
of English origins,
or maybe it’s Indian,
either way it’s foreign,

wait,
nevermind I’m snoring,
see even the most entertaining thing,
sometimes seems so boring,

this is already taking to long,
over it before I’m even into it,
too legit to quit what not,
genuine not counterfeit,

see we all know time is priceless,
because it’s the only thing we can’t be any amount of,

all the money in the world,
still haven’t a moment to lose,
can spare a dime but not a minute,
Time or Money which would you choose?

Nothing to prove,
you want the truth,
all of these words,
have already been used,

it’s done,
party’s over,
I see the sun,
there is no cover,

it’s like that morning after at the party,
and everything doesn’t look quite as pretty,
and the sun is starting to rise,
and you want to go but don’t know where specifically,
this is the paradox we all walk,
on the road to Eventuality,
with Dear Watson steering in a Datsun,
stating the obvious that it’s “All elementary”,

Dear Watson I’m lost and,
this is already taking to long,
I’m anxious with no direction nor patience,
and the only thing I want to get is gone…

This is already taking to long,
over it before I’m even into it,
too legit to quit what not,
genuine not counterfeit…

So come on,
let’s get outta here so we can get into it…

∆ Aaron LA Lux ∆
Jenna Kay Jun 2017
Sometimes I swear my mother is colorblind
The other day she said, “Darling, if you were gay, I think I’d know”
Well Mom, there’s a rainbow inside me but you see straight through it
I’m a prism in your hands but you refuse to hold me in the light
Mom, I’m bi
But she won’t understand that
In fact, she doesn’t understand anything
She doesn’t get ADD, or anxiety, or bisexuality
She can’t comprehend my depression, my aggression, my emotional recession
She complains that I don’t open up enough, but when I explain, she is the one that’s closed
What more can I say
Why does it take a panic attack to realize I’m not okay?
The other day when I told her “Sometimes I wish I didn’t exist”
She looked at me as if she was seeing a new color for the first time and she just couldn’t put a name to it
Can I really blame her for it?
All she has known is black and white and I’m showing her a light she’s never seen in her life
She sees a band-aid in her hand while I see a knife
I want to say everything that’s on my mind, but Mother, I’m afraid that you’ll lecture instead of advise
Instead of comfort
So I keep adding to these lies
And apologize
The other day you asked while I was crying, “Are you suicidal?”
And it broke through my heart like a wrecking ball through a brick building:
Loud in my ears, heavy in my chest, and smoky in my lungs
Because for the first time you felt the heat of my fire that you should have felt years ago
You only see a dull hue, but that’s a start for you
You’re finally seeing me, but you’re not going very deep
There’s so much within this glass skin of mine
I’m trying to shine but you cloak me in darkness in an effort to keep me warm
But I’m lightning in a bottle and I can’t control this storm
Soon I’m going to explode and you won’t know what hit you
The other day I wasn’t okay
And I’m still not today
I’m fighting my way through every minute, every second
So while I look like I’m getting better, I’m slowly deteriorating from the inside out
I just want to love who I love without being judged
Be who I am and know you’ll understand
I’m so tired of trying to conceal my lightning out of fear that I might strike you
But maybe my electricity is just what you need to wake up
Every day, I set my alarm clock for 7, 7:05, 7:10, because I just can’t seem to get out of bed
Sleeping is the only way to calm the voices in my head
But my antidote is her poison
You only see it as healing if you’re the one that heals me
You’re holding out that band-aid but I’m running from a knife
When I was little, I wrote left handed
But you made me switch to my right
Well Mom, did you know that lefties are more likely to be artistic, have insomnia, be disabled mentally, have ADD, and be bisexual…
Hearing the toaster pop up and realizing you've been spinning in circles the whole time, with no recollection of the time passing,
Saying "f*ck" while you do the dishes or vacuum because apparently that's a trigger for you,
And don't you dare think about time because you'll spend all of it flailing your arms and hyperventilating,
Hoping you're not annoying when you click your tongue over and over,
And feeling the tickle in your arms hoping they won't judge you for twisting your hand three times,
What the hell do I have? Is it OCD, ADD, or is it turrets?
A mixture of all maybe? I don't know but I need some rest.
Original
Will May 2017
Trying not to overthink is an exercise in futility for me.
Imagine 3 trains going moderately fast, but each with a varying speed.
Now take those trains and double them while increasing their speeds.
Do that once more.
Imagine how chaotic that would look in reality. Now just warp the image so the trains are all on uneventful tracks that look like a roller coaster.
All of that is how overthinking works inside my brain.
My mind.
So many trains, so much worry, so many thoughts to think. There is never enough time for all of them; yet there they all go. Zooming around the receptors in the mind.
Blurry blobs of information and thought.
"Don't forget the milk. Milk. Milk. Milk. And her name was Joanne. Joanne. Yeah. Whoa that is a crazy deal! Milk Joanne. What in the world would a milk Joanne look like? **** I forgot the milk!"
A dozen trains on a dozen tracks. All flying loose like a thousand bats.
JDK Jan 2017
I know how to grab your attention,
but I'm not sure how to keep it,
so I'll keep this as shallow as I can before diving into the deep end.

I know how to bob and weave,
but I'm not sure what I believe in.
Something to do with the conservation of energy, I think;
expending it in a dream-like series of experiences before eventually going back to being a part of Everything.

I know how to cut a rug,
but . . . well actually I don't think I know what that means.
Hang on while I look it up:
To dance.
"Twenty disco classics on one CD. Now there's music to cut a rug to."
Usage notes: also used in the form cut a mean rug ( to dance very well): "This flamenco dancer cuts a mean rug."
Sarah Steck Nov 2016
It's bothering me
That ticking on the wall
Can't you hear it
The more you focus
The louder it gets
Please, make it stop
So many other things
To be thinking about
That are all in the background
Because of this clock
The gears moving
Making me tick
I can't move, can't breathe
Can't do anything
Because that ticking on the wall
Will not stop
It only gets louder
The more you focus on it
Can't you hear it too?
Seb Tha Guru Oct 2016
Sitting all alone, trying not to fall apart.
Why do I hate so much with all this love up in my heart.
Suppose to be flying high.
With my head up to the sky.
Far away, I'm on my own, staring st the crash phone, guess my minds gone.
Middle of the desert.
Ain't got no time to dust off.
Uncomfortably living, how much does this life of mine really cost.
Seeming close to nothing.
Need to find my niche or something.
Soon as time reveals, I'll pump it up like I'm Joe Budden.
But still cooling though.

Cooler than a ceiling fan.
In life, I'm just the middle man.
Chase your dreams they said, so I did but I never ran.
Now I'm sitting in the stands.
Hide my face, I use my hands.
Snapped back to reality and kept walking in the sand.
scarlet-and-gold Oct 2016
Please refrain
A sea of words
So my A.D.D. brain
Can find solace
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