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izzmidnight Mar 7
Sorry
that I've blocked your calls
for months on end
but I still listen to the voicemails
that you send.

Sorry
that sometimes I'm mean,
treating you like jewelry
I've used to numb the pain
and all of the grief.

Sorry
that I change my mind
so frequently each day,
never meaning to use you
or pull you every which way.

Sorry
that I still know your birthday,
that my favorite songs became
your favorites too,
and that just won't fade away.

Sorry
that I couldn't be better for you
and that I still can't believe
anyone could ever
be in love with me.

Sorry
everything wasn't better
and I was so naive and blind
to the way we were
always leaving each other behind.

Sorry
that I run when things are good
and stay when things are bad,
I guess I never understood
what we had.

Sorry
that I flinch every time
you lay your eyes on me
because you do it like no one else—
like I'm someone you can please.

Sorry
that I broke your heart,
my ignorance strikes again
because things didn't get better
and you couldn't see the end.

Sorry
that I couldn't love you
or be better for you, baby
but someone will love you,
it just won't be me.
I really appreciate comments and feedback! :)
You came back
Slinking from the shadows where you’d been left.
Pathetic creature, thirsty for anything-
willing to drink poison for the sake of a smile.

Bearing the scars of my teeth in your throat,
Why force me to suffer the guilt of being cruel to you?
My thorns cut you while I veiled you in gilded tendrils.
You writhed in agony with a smile on your face-
Delirious, lost, unaware of your situation.

I could have killed you in an instant.
But I let you go.
And you came back.
Khoisan Dec 2024
They cast the first stone
from behind saber tooth
of decay.
hannah Dec 2024
the words fell softly upon her skin
whether good or bad
that’s a mercy
only a touch could bring

they floated gently,
a caress.

she is numb to the pain
sometimes the line is crossed unknownst to the victim
Eve Jun 2023
Those eyes, so striking;
Hiding such deception
   •looking only to gain
Not to save and restore
But to corrupt and pain
Yet, I let you love me
For I am filth, ensured
To give you everything
For just your phony love
For just your presence.

Those lips, so intoxicating;
Dishonest with such precision
     •Each word a poison, sweetly steeped,
To keep my heart in darkness deep.
Your potion’s spell will never wane,
Your charms both thrilling and profane.
Though forged in falsehood, they delight,
And I, mere human, seek their light.
Your deceit becomes my fragile tether,
Your lies preserve my stormy weather.
Oh, how I need this tempest, fierce and wild
To soothe my chaos, broken and beguiled.

That touch, so mesmerizing;
Fatal with such bruising intent
    •love, it is you, and you alone
That can wreck me so beautifully
Each caress, a dagger cloaked in silk,
Each bruise, a hymn, each tear, a thrill.
You play my mind, a victor proud,
And I’m enthralled, your captive bowed.
Your hands both clothe and strip my soul,
Fulfilling voids, making me whole.

That presence, so alluring
A beauty borne of aching torment.
•Yet here I stand, my burdens vast,
Ignoring how my weakness casts
Its shadow on the strength you feign,
Your love a balm, a binding chain.
I see you trying, in your way,
To love me how your heart conveys.
And though it burns, I crave the flame,
For in your ruin, I find my name.

-fir.m
Alex Oct 2024
I have just taken the first breath of fresh air after being held underwater for so long that I thought for sure I was going to die.
I could’ve sworn I’d already gotten out of the water a long time ago,
I remember fighting for so long to swim out,
But no, I remember now.

Just as I had caught sight of the shore there was a man there rushing to help me out.
Thank god because I was exhausted after fighting so hard for so long,
I do not know if I could’ve gotten out without help, and I told him as much.
He offered me such kindness that it seemed easy to put my trust in him,
And so I did.

I looked over my shoulder one last time to take in the place I had run from and prepared to say my final goodbyes to it,
After all there had been good memories made here too,
Before I had been pushed in,
Although those seemed like forever ago now.

I take a deep breath and start to turn my head forward once again,
But all of a sudden my legs are no longer there on the ground holding me up.
I do not know what is going on but the water surrounding me threatening to enter my lungs feels so familiar,
I almost let it consume me.

I did not even realize I was being held under until he loosened his grip for what was only a moment,
But that was all it took for me to take that first breath and run.
Lizzie Aug 2024
When you fall in love with a mean man you’ll find yourself truly believing that you deserve the misery. The fighting, the hurt and the crying feels all too consistent. Uneasy becomes your default setting as you find yourself walking on eggshells to avoid the anger. You’ll forget how you once loved the sensation of skin-to-skin contact the more you catch yourself flinching at his touch. When he points out that you’ve gotten distant you wont even notice how guilt melts into consent as he takes what he tells you he deserves. It’s alright, he loves you. 
If you’re anything like me you’ll believe that you’re not enough. You’ll believe that it’s your fault when he starts a fight. If only you could do better, then he’d have no reason to be upset. You wont believe it when your mom tells you it isn’t healthy to come home crying every time you see him. You wont believe your friends when they tell you that you deserve better than a possessive man who won’t let you out of his sight. Worst of all, you certainly wont believe yourself when you’re brain is screaming that you cant take it anymore; because your heart is screaming even louder, “He loves me!”
M Sep 2023
I went out without wearing makeup
without feeling the need to constantly
check myself for perfection
and I ask myself
why can't woman
just be allowed to be human?
Why do we have to shave to
look perfect the whole time
to birth children
and still be expected to always function perfectly
why are our bodies constantly  taxed objectified
in **** movies music and in so many relationships
why do we have to wear makeup
to disguise our beautiful
so called imperfections
that are just so human
why are we fed lies so often
that we must shrink our bodies
our pain
and laugh off our abuse
our rapes our ****** abuse
our ****** assaults
why do we have to always say but its not everyone
its implied
why can't we just be allowed to walk home
without always feeling cautious
why cant we go to parties alone
why can't we just live alive
in our beautiful bodies
and not be hated.
I can't wait for the men to heal
and for the women to heal and
that maybe one day
the world can be a better and safer
place for us
and for all of the future woman
all I know is
the amount of violence that exists
makes me so so angry and so hurt
I wanna turn away
I wanna look away
but I can't because its my own face
staring back at me
begging me to tell our story
begging me to feel my anger
my anger at all the men
that made so many aspects of my life
very messed up for a very long time
that I still cry about every single **** day
of my life
for a very long time
and I when I didn't cry
I drank I numbed
for the pain
that I felt  
for the shudders
I felt in my body
when I felt the men objectify me
abuse me  use me violate me
hurt me in the worst ways possible ,
it is  a pain no human should ever experience.

For in my religion
it is taught
that women are blamed for everything
for every **** thing
and still we must be submissive
and they tell me" that this is life".

No I always yelled
it seems like slavery,
so I yelled I fought with my voice,
just to be woken up to see the non religious world ,
a pretty bad place as well .
So I guess this is my silent but loud cry.
M Aug 2023
It seems like the tales in my heart
are mired in my soul
scars on my body
are basically just tales of
intense violent mysogony
what I realized
was that  my femininity is not what I hate
its the longing to feel safe
to feel okay
in my womaness
to not equate my womanhood with violence.
        
I am healing
I am working on separating this
on healing the patterns of violence
that I was brought into this world with
from a violent man known as my father
and the men in my family
I feel the anger in my heart
that I have always carried and pointed towards myself
now all I listen to is metal music
and I feel so much comfort
in this music ,
that explains my emotions in words that I can't even describe,
What hurts more
is that I overlooked so many good men
because of the way that my violence,
has painted me into a corner
in my mind.
This is why I choose my healing
above all else.
When we are so mired in our pain
We can barely see that our HELL  is HELL,
because part of us thinks  that it will always be that way!


I called you crying my tears running down my face
waterfalls of pain,
runny mascara,
In the back of an ambulance
you my brother told me,
you were sorry
but to stop talking
because it hurt you ,
and you were too busy to come
help me!
Well guess what
there was NO ONE  ever to help me !!!!!!

I instead had to sit there in the hospital all alone
With nothing to my name
but Police records
Empty faces
pitying looks
And **** kits
I was too bruised too move,
There are some things one can't forgive
and this is one of them.

What's worse is this man who abused me ,
was like all the others
who preach modesty!

Why not preach kindness ,
love
equality
seeing women as equal,
as worthy of everything that you have
just because you have a *****,
doesn't make you better than me !!!!

One man who abused me called me
his femme fatale,
oh Hunny,I am worse than that if you mess with me!

I think for so long
I have been more afraid of myself ,
than anyone else
for the rage that is held inside of me
is enough to build buildings with !

So instead of telling you
TO GO  FUCKKKKK Yourself ,
which I have already done
to one of the abusers that I  had met  before,
I will say I remember it all
and my body doesn't forgive!

As the jewish new year comes around
in a few weeks,
I can count on my fingers all the sins that
all these horrific monsters of men
did to me ,
because men like these,
they aren't real men
they are monsters who pertend to be men.
drown - balance the horizon -https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ymo9oX83kJI
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