i will never forget the time when my mom said
"i was about to enter your room then i heard your voice
that you were talking on the phone with someone
it was the happiest you sounded in my whole life
since the first day you were born in this world"

that day she couldn't even knock on my door
because she was afraid that the slightest noise
would make our fragile happiness fade away
while standing still on the other side of the wall
she listened you giving me the joy i never had in life

the woman who raised me, witnessed my entire life
my first step, my first word, my first love
told me i've never been as happy as i was with you
even my mom misses the way you made me laugh
how can i not?

maybe you'd also expect me to say i looked for someone like you
but, i've only searched for guys looked nothing like you

i wanted you to be the only guy with curly hair and brown eyes
i've ever seen in my life who would ripped my heart apart
however i was so blinded by your love that i missed the part
everyone was unlovable without having your features like a piece of art

how am i supposed to love someone who doesn't remind me of you
if i can't have their hair tangled around my fingers longing to touch you
if i can't feel their brown eyes on me when i look away to imagine you
how am i supposed to love them, if they aren't you

i have tried to forget you,
                                 move on
                                       find somebody

somebody like you but not you
somebody i wanna talk to before anyone else
somebody who is so passionate about anything they believe and love

so for years i have modeled anyone i met to you
i wandered around to find the one that could replace you

but now i have realized
                           now i know that

there’s nobody like you
and i was foolish to believe there might have been one

actually it feels so weird that you don't know i have a different hair now
i cut them shorter, dyed them blonde, and got new bangs
also i like them wavy rather than straight now
as you would remember otherwise
you used to notice the slightest change in my hair
and now you have no idea what it looks like
neither do i about your beautiful curls
it's the small things that make me realize
you are not part of my life anymore
even though i know you shouldn't be
i still wish you could see every version of me

i used to make a list of the things i wanted to tell you the next time we talk

but we never did.

so i never had the chance to tell you about

the new greek friends i made
so i could learn some love words to say to you

the new songs i found
that i think you would like and play them on your guitar

the new movies i watched
while imagining two of us as the couples in there

the new playlists i made
where you would see how many songs remind me of you

the new countries i visited
thinking of us dancing on the streets just like we always dreamed

the new poems i wrote
that i hoped you would turn them into songs and sing to me

the new clothes i've bought,
the new recipes i've tried,
the new books i've read.

the new people i've met,
the new memories i've had,
the new person i've become.

so i never had the chance the tell you about
all the things i've done since you left me behind

and i guess i will never have the chance the tell you about
how much i miss talking to you and having you in my life.

but still
despite everything and everyone
something inside of me
-most probably my foolish heart-
believes that sooner or later
we will no longer be apart
from each other

i wonder if your eyes seek for my glance
when you sing her the song you wrote for me
about how you were the last person alive
in a world where everyone died of fake love

i wonder if your eyes look for a place to escape
when you sing her the song you wrote for me
and lie about how it was written for her actually
deep down knowing that you only loved me truly