It burns like an acid,

these hot tears,

Tearing through my skin.

The inside of my chest shredded,

And it's your hand this time,

That holds the carving knife.

Through it all, I hear a pounding-

                          
                                          It's my hand on the table.
                                          As some tune's stuck in my head.
                                          I look around at all my friends,
                                          Grins and smiles a blaze by the fire.
                                          And for the first time in a long while,
                                          I join in, and I'm okay.

Feelings overflowing and spilling out of the fountain.

It warms me, to know you care so deeply.

I'm sorry.

My tears may spill like raindrops,

But I will lay down my flesh time and time again,

Until every inch of me is littered with scars;

And I'm sinking beneath the waves of worry, ache, and sadness.

If it means I can one day find someone,

Who feels the same as me,

Then I will die a thousand times.

You make me want to write poetry,
but I fear I lack the talent to eloquently
put together the words,
to tell you how wonderful you are;
even in the most mundane of moments.

I like yellow
I like yellow because like me
I like yellow because like me it's loud
I like yellow because like me it's loud, it's obnoxious
I like yellow because like me it's loud, it's obnoxious, it's bright
I like yellow because like me it's loud, it's obnoxious
I like yellow because like me it's loud
I like yellow because it's like me
I like yellow
And I like me

Nov. 5

I was upset that only internet friends wished me happy birthday

Dec. 4

You didn’t even make it to yours

Sometimes I wonder
Is this even real?
what if it's a dream,
a coma,
what if we're already dead?

Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
*******.

"It Comes At Night"
(Desire) First renewed
Under the silver light (of the moon)

"A Quiet Place"
(A) Fatal Attraction
There will be blood (he hopes)

Venom (drips from his tongue)
(as he forces open her) Jaws
******

(the) Heat
"Let Him Have It"
Primal Fear (is all she knows)

"The Usual Suspects"
Goodfellas (they claim)
(making her play) The Game

I should've known
all this time
how I got over new friends
the hurt when you didn't tell me first
frothy anger when I found out about the first
trying to take your time, "protect you"  
overbearing
jealous
conceited
daydream about kissing you...
but we were friends
the first poem...
friends?
that night in November when I came to conclusion...
I felt we were- could be more than friends
you felt the same but
there was a second man already
and I had to put my delusion aside
and be happy for you
and for myself...

I feel like a projection
From a distant planet
Seeing everything from afar

I'm here
I'm seen
I'm heard

But I'm not felt

And I want to feel

As much as this life can give me
So even though right now I'm far away
Maybe I'll get there, someday

I'm running out
and drying up
you've left me no more tears to cry
love

gone is our time
my soul a stone
stuck beneath waves
of emotional toll

so please
get out
let me dream of something more
pleasant

I can't do this forever
and sooner or later
it's you or me
who will be dust

Standing here in the heat
talking upon asphalt
you're light and joking
a breeze in the stale summer's air
then suddenly
grey and rain
it's sad and hard, you don't need to be tough
retreat to the cave before it is too late
we take shelter here now
why are you apologizing?
don't worry mother, I made it rain last week too
nothing is wrong
you think we're safe
but we are already burnt

Coming from the mouth of hate
A deep green ink tumbling out
With those **** red petals
Having been stained by the blood
Spilling into vile words of suffering
Twisting this way and that
As if alive- slithering into place

I would plunge the dagger
Deeper still into your chest
Turning it and slicing on either side
Until I could reach in and pluck
That beating ***** from the cavity
And hold it in my hand, so tenderly
Just as I always have been with you
And then crush it in between palms
Applying more pressure until
The pain is unbearable and then
Maybe you will have felt
What you've put me through

How do I convey how much I appreciate you?
Always by my side and ruthless
To me
Honest and kind
Tell me my folly
My dear with those strong words and determined eyes
I am in your debt for the company you have bestowed upon me

Warm little kisses
To freezing finger tips
Are like burns to me

Why don't You run
Why are You here
What do You want


They do their job perfectly
Thawing out this heart
Making me pliant


What do You need
What is It
What am I to you

Unable to do anything
Limp for your hands
Aching for a touch

Would You break my heart too?

Sometimes love isn't what you need.

I'm making love to myself.

In ways you never could,
Never would,
And bringing pleasure.

I haven't hit the peak yet,
But you never got me there either;

And at least this way
I'm going somewhere.

I like to check on you
I don't know if you notice
what I'm doing
what I'm asking
what I mean
it thrills and scares me that you might
you broke me once
but I don't want you to think of me as damaged
I don't need the sympathy
I love you and you don't feel the same
but I need to know the truth

It'll creep into your mind
sits in the back and festers
until you acknowledge it
and it makes you sick
having plagued humanity for centuries

It doesn't matter you're happy
a miserable wretch
or a beloved spouse

The dark has no preference
the shadow consumes you sooner than you think
gently swaddled in the shroud of time
something only man knows and keeps
until the end.

I believe I was in love before.
A burst of warmth,
like a gust of wind in the summer.
A joy that clouds the mind and makes it fuzzy.
Yes, I believe I was.
For how else can I explain the tears?
The pain when it ended?
The anger I was DENIED to express without causing further damage?
The sickness that penetrated so deep I could not eat for days.
Yes, I was in love,
but now it's a vague memory.

It's two a.m. and I'm lying in bed
trying to get to sleep
trying to get to you
or maybe to things that used to be

I lie wide awake
looking into the darkness
my mind is static
blank but buzzing
with thoughts
with feelings
with memories

The window is open
my feet are sticking out
they're as cold as the tight clench of my heart at the thought of you
I cover to warm up
but the iciness remains

lately things have been getting blurry
thoughts
feelings
words
meanings
and I feel like crying
so lost inside my own head
what do I want
who am I
what should I do
my vision is going
and I'm scared

Two
Halves
Never one whole

Left
Right
But why not both?

Dividing me
Into "opposing" categories
But you can't have one without the other

Neither male
Or female
Simply both

Hazy
Hard
to
see
through

.

Clouding
your
vision

.

Unable
to
think
through

.
­
A
gas
that
if
left
on

,


can
and
will
burn
everything
down

.
­
All
it
takes
is
a
spark

,

and
your
life
is
gone

.

White blossoms with red seeping in.
My quiet love was yours from the beginning.
You are the air in my lungs, the light in my eyes.
Your voice sets off a bombardment of adoration in my heart.
Your words a beautiful curse.
I dreamt of getting lost in you.
I regret to inform you that it hurts
to leave the lights on for no one,
and that there's no heavier burden
than the weightless emptiness of the soul.
You.
I know you'll never love me in the way that I desire.
Your happiness is enough, my dear.

Time to fall back into the murky waters again

You did so good

Splishing along the surface

trying to keep yourself afloat

making all those luscious bubbles

but it's time to sink below

and rest.

I ended it to make things easier for you.

One instead of two,
but now I ache as I watch you both,
you've pulled away,
the distance increasing.

I know you didn't choose me,
but I chose you.

Even if only as a friend.

The problem is
if you want someone to talk to you
you can't wait for them to
for they might never do so
go out and make the first move
for they might be doing the same as you

soft tears cresting in eyes

oh how they've hurt you so

dearest one, let this pass

in pain, fury, the deepest swells of sadness

let them wash over you again and again

until you are calmed

smoothed out until new

you will prove victorious

and they will meet their end

You make me feel so blue.

Deep as the oceans.

The Aphotic Zone of the heart.

Even so, I would not change my feelings.

For you also light up my life.

Transforming me into a beautiful sunrise after midnight.

I'm here for you
I'm gay for you
if you want it to stop
well baby it's too late
you had a chance to tell me I'd never be a top
but instead you accelerated my heartrate

C.E.W,

How long it's been
since you've said your goodbyes

I think of you still
even though I don't wish to

I know
you don't regret it

And I know
I always will, even if just a little

Because despite myself
I was truly, utterly devoted to you

How strange it is
To have been cut out of your life

By your own hands
So final, and definite your judgement

But despite these feelings
I still want you to be buried beneath the snow this winter

Even though I loved you
You've done me wrong, and that I can't forgive

Goodbye,
E.L.C

Now I see it's you not me
Don't say your same old lies
I'm tired of hearing it all the time

I never wanted this.
Thought that it was always going to last
But now it's failing fast

Wasting my life
It's too much for me to forgive
Knowing how much you hid

Who needs the night
Sick of the fight
You can never find me

Memories swayed
Had I stayed
I wonder how things would've changed

Now that you see what I did
All that's come undone
I just had to run

Not that it was gonna last
I'd've never said goodbye
But all I ever did was cry

Never say I don't care
You were never there
I felt so uncomfortable

I'm an old man
I've seen my fair share
And you've got no plan
Going without a care

You thought you could take me for a spin
Dip your toes in the pool
But you could never win
And it's you who's the fool

You blew your chance
Having walked away
Go have a dance
You don't get my pay

All you do is lie
And I'm going to sleep
Go have a cry
I won't watch you weep