i look for you still
in my work
the men i see
the things i love
youre there
for you were everything to me
and you still are
i see you
the first thing in my mind when i wake
and the last when i rest
your everything
my everything

misty eyes staring back at mine
shes just like me
everything i hate
a true embodiment of pain
she shows me what's wrong with herself
i agree
she's hideous
disgusting girl
i reach out to hit her
yet i only feel the glass on my knuckles

water turns to *****
playdates turn to parties
bodies turn to the enemy
selfies turn to nudes
sunscreen turns to makeup
sleepovers turn to sneaking out
love turns to lust
didn't we want to grow up?

i've started to believe love isn't real
for it is only a concept created
to distract from your self
the broken shell
fragments
you are left as
a gust of wind
sweeping away your senses
your soul
what is love?
two souls that once connected cannot be separated.

when asked
the man or the bear
no hesitation is needed
the bear
the bear takes my body
for it is necessary
not for its own sick
twisted desire
the bear leaves me to rot
become one with the soil once again
not use my body
until i am no longer me

like a fire on a cold winters day
the warm blood seeps
from my leg
from my arm
reminding me
i am human
i am alive
the warmth is comfort
when all is cold
the blood is my own