It's the middle of the night
and I haven't figured out
if these feelings are lying
or if I'm only honest in the dark.

I feel alone every time
I slow down enough to feel
and I'm craving the feeling
your body beside me brings.

I'm not allowed to have you
and it's breaking every bone
inside my aching soul
at least that's my 1am feeling.

and if you are still the way you have always been, you're the lucky ones because most of us have taken ourselves apart down to the very molecules we are made up of and rearranged them to someone else's liking

and if you are still happy then you're the lucky ones, because most of us are so depressed we are willing to lather our stomachs in alcohol and burn our throats with smoke for fun, or to forget that person who made us feel like we were sitting in a haystack of needles, stabbing and wounding every inch of our skin

and if you still strive for your highest hopes and dreams, then you're the luckiest ones, because most of us settle for less, and only climb the ladder until we think we have reached the top

and if you're in love, you really are the luckiest of all, because we are all mostly bitter over those we have lost, thinking we are unable to find someone that will bring us the same happiness that the other person used to bring

I will never be victorious over this relentless battle that has consumed me like a black hole and I swear to god I can not escape, and don't tell me I'm not trying because I haven't tried so hard to overcome something in my entire life, I will never be content, and I will never win because once I think I'm close to the end I crash and I burn and I ache and i go right back to where I started feeling worse than before. I need YOU to assist me through this and I need YOU to stand by me no matter what happens because I can't fight this alone anymore I need help, I'm asking for help, please somebody save me

You're so bad at hiding feelings.
But this you hide from me.
You stopped wearing your heart
On your sleeves for me to read.
Now I have to ask.

Maybe you're not hiding
And I'm the one in love.
I promised I wouldn't fall for you
And crash into your timid heart
With nothing to break my fall.

I'd feel your heartbeat
Shaking me like an earthquake
And I wouldn't know
If you're infatuated Or afraid.
We both don't understand you.

But all I know for sure is this
That It has nothing to do with me
Because I fell in love with a sad girl.

losing you wasn't like anything I've ever lost before. I can't rifle through bags and search through piles of clothes in hopes to find you laying discreetly under something and I can not retrace my steps wishing I could find the exact spot that I dropped you, finding a human being isn't as easy as finding my favorite sweater or my house keys, because you aren't looking to be found and you're not waiting for me to finally reach you once again, losing a human being is like losing a body part or a limb, because you can never ever get that same piece of you back, it's gone forever, and so are you.

I can't seem to scrub your blood off my skin as its essence never seems to rub off, my hands are forever guilty of hurting you, I am forever guilty of hurting you and I tried to bandage you countless times but your bones are still broken and your body still aches and I am so sorry for making you feel weak but the truth is when those bones heal you will be ten times stronger than I will ever be