fall in love

too soon

let’s watch whales together
let’s catch stars together
let’s collect jars together
let’s put our dreams in those jars together
let’s write poems together
let’s play with foxes together
let’s sail together
let’s count asteroids together
let’s save penguins together
let’s read books together
let’s sing together
let’s eat Poptarts together
let’s paint together
let’s talk about elephants riding unicycles together
let’s listen to the willows whisper together
let’s cry of laughter together
let’s ride horses together
let’s discover the beauty in hidden places together
let’s build contraptions together
let’s get lost together
let’s live with different tribes together
let’s…
together

boy in blue
awkward you
sitting there
hunchbacked in your wooden chair
not speaking
just watching
feet shuffling in your gray slippers
speak.
tell me your story.
tell me about your sister
i know her
but i don’t know you
loosen those strings
tell me about
the times you weren’t
a boy in blue
awkward you
speak.
tell me your story.
i’m listening.

“Maybe if my legs were slim,
and my lips rose-pink,
and my hair like silk,
and my hands white petals,
you would love me more.
Maybe if I could sing,
and dance,
and capture people with my
star-like smile,
you would look at me more closely.
Maybe if my grades
never saw an 89,
you would smile,
and clap,
and tell me wonderful things.
Maybe if I spoke with
a silver tongue and
could convince with my
bright, 20/20 vision eyes,
you would hug me tighter.
Maybe if…”

Child, maybe, maybe, maybe.
But, really,
even if your legs were elephants,
your lips blue,
your hair seaweed,
and your hands sandpaper,
I would still love you.

Even if your voice
sounded like frogs at night,
and your feet
stepped all over mine,
and your mouth
was cut up from all of that fixing metal,
I would still love you.

Even if your grades
never saw an 89,
I would still love you
and tell you all sorts of wonderful things.
Even if your tongue was bound by chains,
and you tripped and stumbled over your vowels,
I would still love you.

Child, to them your legs may not be slim,
your lips may not be the shade of roses,
your hair may not be silk,
and all of those silly, fickle, worldly things, but
to me,
you are beautiful.
So beautiful.
I breathed out the stars for you.
I created for you.
I shed for you.
I bled for you.
I died for you.

Why
do you still doubt?
Why
do you still fear?
Why
do you still look at yourself
in a way
that makes you question what I have made?

Child, look at me.
Look.
at.
Me.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.

“Courage, it’s me. Don’t be afraid.”

“If it really is you, call me to come to you on the water.”

“Come.”

You called out

to me.

I s

    a

      n

        k

and started drowning

a drown

a beautiful

glorious

drown

drinking in

sinking in

grace.

slowed and swayed

and shyed away

like a little lamb unsure

whether to nibble from a human hand

or not

so i(t)…

did not

love = ?

a ****** tree.

love = ?

three nails.

love = ?

died for me.

for the boat:
wood.
the more fragrant the better.
maple, perhaps
but
pine
would do fine.
a sail.
of African cloth
and some oars with handles
made from gold-and-silver ladles.
pixie dust.
ten bags, at least
borrow some from Tink.
that would be simpler,
i think.
we're read-- oh!
i almost forgot.
don't leave behind your knapsack
and copper cooking ***.
you'll also need
an extra dose of courage
a tablespoonful of faith
two cups of questions
and a bucketful of dreams.
now, you're ready.
who needs a map?
destination:
anywhere
and
everywhere.
you have your boat
you have your dreams
impossible is not
what
impossible seems.

the warrior, falling, falling
in the midst of war
trying, failing
struck down on your hills
the mighty warriors, falling, falling
and the arms of war broken to bits
struggling, wanting to feel
the rush
the sweat
the joy
the heat of battle
training fingers and readying feet
we can't do it alone
we can't.
we need
You

it was a flood

when you pulled away

your feet were heavy

your eyes were misery itself

i didn’t even see you

leave that letter

but i saw you

leave

we were ghosts

yet i was unfeeling

we were dead souls walking

yet i was still breathing

we were skeletons in the closet

yet i could still smile

tell me why it is so

please

tell me

it was only

fifteen minutes but

you came

you came

you came

and stayed

for only

fifteen blue minutes

and released everything

you’d been holding in

so we did, too

and watched a waterfall

you strode in

a plaid hurricane

a bottled up typhoon

unannounced

uninvited

but completely

welcome.

and i was

surprisingly

unsurprised.

I wish that one day I will

write words

that would pierce hearts

and seem as if

they were woven with magic

touch lives

and come alive

I wish inspiration

would come as easily

as a bee is drawn to honey

I wish

urgh

asdfghjkl

I (hate) poetry.

Where has he gone?

That Gabriel I knew

The Gabriel who laughed

and teased with the stars in his eyes

The Gabriel who loved

being

himself


Where has he gone?

Somebody tell me

and when you find him

bring.

him.

back.

please.


Where has he gone?

away

he moved

away

made choices that

pushed him

away

from us

from Him


he's dying, I think

slowly

but he doesn't know

I tried to tell him

but

he brushed my words aside

and let them slip through his fingers


People change

but this

I hate the most.

The change that

breaks you

wrings you like a wet rag

and makes you ask yourself

Where has he gone?

Is there a word for the way the heart aches,
the way it longs to be filled,
but nothing on earth will suffice?

Is there a word for that hole
inside
gnawing slowly
then spitting back that
disgusting, chewed up mess
you call a self?

Is there a word for the way you try
to hide the beast inside
and you try so hard
then just watch yourself fall apart?

Is there a word for the feeling
of your soul being one, big
mass of tangled yarn
and you just can't seem to undo the knots?

Is there a word for pain
real pain
the kind that has used up every tear you've got,
is there a word for that pain?

Who knows?
But then again,

Is there a word for the way
realization hits you hard
in the gut
and shakes you by the shoulders
leaving you breathless and gasping?

Is there a word for the way
you hear a whisper in your spirit
that assures you of love
an unending
unfailing
unshakable
love?

Is there a word for that feeling
when you've been found
and are running back
into waiting, open arms?

Is there a word for when your
heart is being mended
and you feel whole
like you've never felt before,
is there a word for that joy?
and that peace?

Who knows?
Maybe someday,
but for now

be still, child.

be still.

Skinny love,
Smile.
You’re beautiful,
Don’t you know?

Skinny love,
Hush.
Don’t cry.
I want you,
Don’t you know?

Skinny love,
Stop.
Stop thinking
Stop listening to
Stop telling yourself
Lies.
I chose you,
Don’t you know?

Skinny love,
You
Are
Loved
Don’t you know?

Remember Me in the days of your youth
before the days of trouble come
and the time arrives when you will say
you don’t want to live
anymore.

When the sun and its light
and the moon and its stars
grow dark
and the clouds return after the rain;

                                                     I love you.

When the keepers tremble
and the strong ones fall
when fear reigns in the hearts of men
and those looking through the windows give up;

                                                     I love you.

When the doors are closed
and there’s no way out,
when morning dawns
but the birds’ songs fade;

                                I love you.

When mountains fall
into the heart of the sea
and its waters quake and foam
and the earth shakes with their surging,

                            I love you.

When danger lurks around every corner
and passions no longer burn
and you watch helplessly as the ones you love
make their beds in the blackest hole

                  I love you.

When the dust returns to where it came from,
and the spirit returns to the One who gave it
and your flesh fails you
and your sight grows dim
and all hope is lost
and there is no one there

Remember,
I love you.

i am a keeper
a hider
never a seeker

your thoughts
your secrets
the things you hoard
the way you are
i know.
i know them all.

don’t you worry,
i will keep them
hide them
and no one
will find them.

i am
strong and sturdy
dark as night
a firewall made
to conceal and
protect.

i will keep them
safe,
this i promise.
but, really,
how safe
your secrets will be
is
up
to
you.

flip*                                           flip
      flip                flip
             flip      flip
                flip

you can
fly on a pegasus
whisper to willows
sing with sirens
and dance with dragons
with just
one
             flip

so, pick up
that softbound teleporter
that portable magic
that gift you can open
again and
again
and
again.
pick up a book

           flip

discover,
and
dream.

sharp and deadly
strong and steely
its grip as firm as iron
catastrophic cutters
bloodthirsty biters
menacing,
threatening,
never building up
always tearing
d
       o
       w
n
jaws relentlessly
endlessly
mercilessly
slicing
snipping
shearing
vict­ims,
two from one
beware before it’s too l

fast, sharp and deadly
watch out for its biting jaws
victims cut in half

jar of clay
holding,
cracking,
thirsting.
unfinished,
fickle,
and imperfect.
thirsty soul
craving spirit
searching always
for the Potter.
a mere wave,
             whisper,  
             vapor,
soon to pass.
a jar of clay
am
     i.

My father came home                                                             ­                                                             
wit­h a tube of blue                                                             ­                                                                 ­                    
for me.                                                              ­                                                                 ­                             
Dark as half-past midnight,                                                        ­                                                                
but when purified,                                                        ­                          
as clear as the sky  
and babies' bright eyes.                                                            ­                                                                 ­                                           
I warmed it between my                                                               ­                   
welcoming palms,                                                           ­                       
marveling at the thick, round                                                          
tube that, when squeezed, would come                                                  
opaque oceans                                                           ­                                                 
dazzling eyes                                                             ­                                   
mermaid hair                                                             ­                                 
and dragon scales.                                                          ­                        
                                        ­                                                                 ­                   
Yet this same wonder
held
monster claws
Yeti fur
vampire skin
and hot ice.

It was so
dangerously beautiful
my hands hesitated
to curl its delicate fingers
around this mysterious magic.
But then, I remembered,
I hadn’t unscrewed it.

So, consider this:    
There is a pthalo
to every robin's egg,
An indigo
to every turquoise.
Consider this:
Even the most righteous fall.
Trust no one.
Make no friends.
Love none except yourself.
Never dream.
Never dare.
This ode has just taught you
how to
live life
a sealed
tube of blue.

I don't remember when, exactly,
But
I do remember it was during those hours
When the sun stretches and spreads it soft light over the sky,
kissing the grass and brushing its golden fingertips over the rooftops;
During the hours when the cool wind gently blows on your face,
telling you it's time to be alive again.

It was at that time I remembered,
A rare moment, really,
Since memories are so easily forgotten just as they are made.
They search every nook and cranny,
Looking for a place
To stay
And stay forever,
Maybe.

On that morning,
Everything came back.
Eyes widened
Mind whirled
And heart stirred
At a memory
I never knew existed.
A memory that had found its way home

I remembered, clearly,
Wind so crisp and cold
The air snapped with the chill.
I remembered, clearly,
Leaves wrapped in dresses of scarlet and gold,
Dancing in the breeze.
I remembered, clearly,
Carpets, soft under my toes,

warm in color and warm in feel.
I remembered, clearly,
Roads blanketed in white
And the earth's heartbeat, slow and steady, asleep soundly.

But the memory ended too soon,
For the taste had passed.
I shoveled in spoonful after spoonful of oatmeal,
sweetened with powdered milk and brown sugar,
Hoping the familiar flavor would come back,
So I could remember again.
Memory's a funny thing,
Because it left its home,
Opened the door,
And traveled down the road.
Never to return again,
Maybe.

For now,
I will try my best to remember.
For who knows?
Memory's a funny thing.
I might even find
The fresh smell of spring and the taste of steamed pilmeni again
In a nice, warm bowl of oatmeal.

a sudden slip
a gradual fall
did i see this coming?
not at all

don't slide too far
don't let go
break free from the dark
you're not alone

stretch out your hand
open your eyes
else soon they'll dance
to your demise

why do you
delight in gray
in things so worthless
they'll soon decay

why are you
conforming now
don't act of here
you're of the Crown

before you take
another step
search your heart
leave the depths

remember the Love
that brought you here
remember the promises
and do not fear

hold on to what is
strong and true
have faith, and trust
you'll find Him, too

cool and calm

a dream half-lived

everything

a still pond



the drops whisper

and play about

silently,

softly,

gently.



sssshhhhhh

light and steady

a sweet melody

pitter-patter

a sudden stop.



out comes gold.

Remember that boy?
With a chemical smile?
That boy who lived
With each beat of
That patched-up thing he called a heart?


Remember that boy?
That boy who sold himself
For a price
That wasn't worth even a millionth of him?


That boy who pretended.
That boy who lied,
Cried,
And died.


That boy was birthed again.
He accepted the gift of grace
And
Went running into open arms.


Remember that boy?
Remember Ralph?


He came back home.
He's in Love now.
Everything's beautiful.

The little girl who tried.
The little girl who cried.
The little girl with a million failures.
The little girl who shed a million tears.
The little girl who lived in the shadows.
The little girl who loved the darkness.
The little girl who was lost.
The little girl who was scared.
The little girl who screamed.
The little girl who was confused.
The little girl who hated.
The little girl who didn’t understand.
The little girl who didn’t want to try anymore.
The little girl who wanted to give up.
The little girl who gave it one, last shot.
The little girl who lost.

That was the past.

The little girl is now
The young woman with the gigantic faith.
The young woman who laughs.
The young woman with a million victories.
The young woman with a million smiles.
The young woman who lives in the shadow…
Of the cross.
The young woman who loves the light.
The young woman who has been found.
The young woman who overcame her fear.
The young woman who laughs.
The young woman who knows.
The young woman who loves.
The young woman who is beginning to understand.
The young woman who will never stop trying.
The young woman who will never give up.
The young woman who won.
The young woman.
Me.

Donned a white dress today

With pearls and gold.

How long has it been?

Three hundred and sixty five

Since the day you went

Away, away, away.



Remember the painting

With colors born from rainwater?

Did you even get to see it

Before you went

Away, away, away?



Remember the letters

With heart-ink and tears?

Can you see them there,

In that place that is far

Away, away, away?



The place you are in,

The one that is

Away, away, away

Is actually

Here, here, and here.

My heart, and mind, and ears.

Sixteen reasons

To wonder why

Sixteen seasons

That lived and died.

Sixteen seas

And sixteen skies

Sixteen matches

With sixteen tries.

The pearl-and-gold

That hugs the candle,

Is a promise of purity

That will not be broken

Until the time comes

For the pearl-and-gold

To be replaced

With gold-and-diamond.

Sixteen dreams

That want to take flight,

But not yet.

It’s not time.

I’m only sixteen.

Be careful
of what is put into
the white pail.
Watch out for
marbles,
pins, and
tacks.
Unwanted wanted
trinkets.
Needed yet unneeded.
Opposite, indeed.
Watch your fingers,
because sometimes,
band-aids aren't enough
to stop the bleeding.
You'll need a doctor
to do that.
But first,
get rid of
that junk
in your
white pail.



I'm certain
that the doctor
will do just that.
All you need to do
is to hand him the pail,
so he can fish out
the nasty things
and keep you safe
from harm.
Hand him the pail,
and he'll return it
to you empty.
But
he will fill it up
again,
I promise you.
He will fill it
with goodies
and more band-aids
just in case you
dump nails and
pencil shavings



into your white
pail again.
Just hand it over
to the
doctor,
and he'll
gladly empty
and refill
that pail
again.

Before I found love,
I didn't know any better.

Before I found love,
I didn't understand what love was.
What love is.

Before I found love,
I fell.
I fell into a bottomless, empty, dark
Chasm.
A ditch I myself had dug up
With a *****, bent spoon.

Before I found love,
I would lie in bed.
But I was never alone.
I didn't want to.
I had to.

No, I wanted to.
I needed to.
There was something
Addicting
About the strong arms of another.

I couldn't stop myself
From constantly wanting.
From always needing.
From giving up everything.

Before I found love,
I thought I had love.
But all I had were eyes filled with dust,
A ***** spirit,
And a heart full of lust.
I thought I was in love.
But I was in lust.

Always wanting, never giving
Always receiving, never blessing
Impatient,
Cruel,
Jealous,
Proud,
Selfish love.

And not to mention, my hands were sore,
Bruised,
Broken,
And ugly
From the never-ending routine of
Digging myself deeper and
Deeper and deeper
And deeper into my chasm.

I was judged,
Misunderstood,
And tortured.

It came to a point where
People started throwing stones
And words.
They threw them as hard as they could.
They threw them at me as if their lives
Depended on hitting that target.
And let me tell you,
Their aim was fantastic.

Before I found love,
Love found me.
Found me lying on the ground.
Found me in ripped clothes,
Found me with a battered flesh,
And a bleeding heart.
Love looked deep into my eyes.
No, Love's look went past my eyes.
Love peered into my very soul,
My inmost being,
My heart of hearts.

Love could tell by my
Bloodshot eyes
And broken body,
That I had been anything but
Beautiful
Lately.

Love pierced my heart
And saw every shortcoming
Every failing
Every flaw and imperfection
I had.

Love saw my past,
And it didn't seem to matter.

Love looked at me,
Really looked at me,
and said to me
That I wasn't guilty.
And Love pulled me
Out of my chasm.

Love walked away.
And amazed me.
Love loved me before I loved Love,
And Love loved me while
I was still in that chasm.

Love pulled me out,
And sealed it so that I
Would never fall into that chasm again.

I followed Love,
One night,
And poured a sweet smelling
Perfume--- the best kind
On Love's feet.
And kissed them.

Hair undone.
Face tear-stained.
Love wiped everything away.
My past.
My wrongs.
My old life.

I looked deep into Love's eyes,
and heard Love say,
“She has done
A beautiful thing
To me.”

A beautiful thing.

A beautiful thing.

I did it for Love.

they will all leave

one day.

why make friends?



they will betray

one day.

why trust?



you'll regret it

one day.

why love?



so much sorrow

these days.

why smile?



it will fail

i say.

why hope?



why?



because...



just because...



you need to learn

to live.

He was a lost wanderer
With nothing but
A restless heart and
Empty hands.

Couldn't find any safe shelter,
Headed nowhere
On a way-less road.

Always a running fugitive
With no goal at hand
Sick of soaring through the skies
With no place to land
He cried,

"Pick me up,
Dust me off,
Put me on the right track
Don't want to roam
Like a misguided reflection
Of a soul-less apparition.
Let me arrive!"

There were no signs,
No pointing arrows
Showing him where he was meant to go

Stuck in the endless,
Empty cycle.
Trapped inside
His own shadow

"Give me something,
I need something.
Give me a purpose,
A reason,
A destination...

Let me arrive."

Rumblings and mumblings

That’s all my lips can form.

Murmurs and whispers

That’s the loudest of my sounds.

A twisted body so

Disheveled and small.

Yes, I am

Special.

Stares and glares.

Mockery and discrimination.

Everyday gifts from people

Oh-so-kind.

“Stupid,” my teacher

Whispers to another.

“Into the last class she goes.”

A stinging heart and

Angry tears flood.

I want to shout, “No!’

But out comes a deafening nothing.

You call me Special?

I am not blind.

Or stupid.

Or thick.

I know that by Special, you mean

Idiot.

Why do you look at my

Tiny frame and

Think that since my body

Cannot function like yours,

My brain must be the same?

I can do

Anything I put my mind to.

I can learn.

I can live.

I can love.

I have so much.

So much to give.

But why won’t you let me?

I think

It is you who is disabled.

You are not able to see

Everything I can become.

Who I’m meant to be.

What I can and will do.

Yes, I am Special.

Yes.

But not the Idiot ‘Special’ you think.

I am me.

I

Am

Jane.

Remember that name.

The smell of earth
and moist clay,
kissing my senses
with a rose-petal feeling.


Sweat on my brow,
dirt on my cheek,
and soiled hands,
I live for this.


Molding,
pinching,
smoothening.
The imperfections
make you perfect.


Into the kiln,
and out.
Awake, creation of mine,
step out into the world.


I have molded you,
and formed you
with my own hands.


I know
your every little flaw.
Your strengths
and weaknesses.


I made you with care.
I designed you for a purpose,
a reason,
a calling.


I am the Potter,
and you are the clay.
You are the work of my hands.
Live like it.


Do not question me,
for you are exactly as I want you.
Do not look down on yourself,
you are mine and I love you.


Do not doubt.
I am not finished.
I am the Potter.
You are the clay.
You are mine and,
I love you.

there is

no such thing

as

too much faith.



the risk before you,

take it.

breathe in

and

out.



let go

let go

f

  a

     l

      l



fear not.

feel the comfort

of invisible wings

wrap around you



let go

let go

let go

.

.

.

let Go(d)

I've found a Love
that can heal hearts
and cross realms.

I've found a Love,
an everlasting Love,
that none can compare to.

I've found a Love
that fills me up
from the very depths of my soul.

A Love that saves.
A Love that hears my cries.
A Love that loves
though I do nothing.

It's Your Love.

take a

deep

breath, and

stop.

are you sure

you want to

unlock this?

I remember the sound of Your voice

When You first called out through the storm

To rescue me.

In that moment,

That glorious moment

Of calm surrender and the fall into

Your arms,

Was the moment I first found Love.

the things they hate you for
are the things that draw me in
closer.
deeper.

shattered hearts,
patched-up souls,
and bloodshot eyes
capture me.

your faults
your failures
your weaknesses
make me love you more.

i can't help it.

i love the broken.

she had a voice

no words can describe.

her midnight song

wordless, whole and pure,

melted hearts

and warmed souls.

she could sing the moon down

if she wanted to.

and that she did.

He smiles
A nicotine-stained smile
And waltzes through life
Appearing carefree

But I know better.

He's in love
Pretending to be in Love.
Not quite in Love, though.

His weary and wandering soul
Restless.
Forever searching for Something more.

Is there Something more?

He tries finding it
In her touch
And her lipstick kisses.

It's not there, though.

He tries finding it
With each life-taking
Puff

It's not there, though.

Why can't he see
That what he needs
Is right beside him?

Why can't he see
The arms
That are extended and ready
To receive him?

Why?

Why, Ralph?

Why?

twilight.


new moon.


eclipse.


breaking dawn.



beautiful words were they

with beautiful meanings

and beautiful imagery

before they became a series.

You

Were born

To die.


A King

Born in

A feed-box.

Today, I just had
My first Christmas
Without you.

I seemed to float
Through the halls
And doorways,
Fighting back the tears.

It's funny how
You were not there,
Yet you were everywhere.

I saw you in every little corner,
In every little space
Of what was once your home.

I saw you in the garden
Admiring your trees.
I could smell your clothes
Before I even set foot in your room.

I felt you when
I drew near your chair.
The wooden chair.
Your favorite one.

You have no idea just how much
I wanted to spend this Christmas
With you.

You have no idea just how much
I want to be
With you.

But then,
I realized and remembered
One thing.

Today, you just had
Your first Christmas
With Him.

I'd bet all the money in this world
That it was a wonderful Christmas
For you because,
You spent it with Him.

I bet when the angels sang
And danced,
You did, too,
Even though I know
You're not much of a dancer.

I bet your laugh
Sounded like silver bells.
I bet that
That one Christmas you spent up there
Was better than all the Christmases
You spent down here.

And that's alright.

Today, I just had
My first Christmas
Without you.

Today, you just had
Your first Christmas
With Him.

And that's alright.

Your pain is gone.
And that's all that matters.

Today, I walked away
From your grave
With a somewhat
Lifted spirit
Knowing that
You just had
Your first Christmas
With Him.

And that's all that matters.

peppermint winds

sweet and minty

danced in the breeze


like whipped cream

on pumpkin pie

fell the snow

ever so lightly


the evergreens powdered

with a soft blanket

of sugar


sweet carols rang

throughout the night

echoing joyously


cinnamon scents

wafted from the kitchen

the aroma of

a symphony of spices

filled their noses


dancing flames

to heat

cold feet


knowing smiles

tiptoeing toddlers

warm hands

cheery hearts


oh, how i love christmas eve

take heart.

be strong.

be still.


hold on to

that spark

they call hope


hold on

and

never.

let.

go.


familiarize your eyes

with freedom.


make your heart known

to all that is pleasing and pure


be strong and courageous.

it's not over yet.


take heart.


it's

not.

over.

yet.

Slippery,

Delicate,

Wanting.


These were the words that came out of your mouth.


Full of desire,

Hushed whispers,

Strange, yet

Familiar

Were your words.


Confused,

Comforted,

Naive.


That was me.


That was me.


Before I realized exactly who

Was planting those words so deceiving

Into my mind that was wandering far.


But then, you lost.

For He spoke Words into me, too.


Words that brought life.

Words that healed.

Words that promised.


Words

Unlike

Your words.


I scoff at you, coward.

At you and your poisoned, polished lies.

At you and your twisted symphonies.

At you and the empty oaths that once held me, fast.


I scoff at you.

words.


stringed up letters

carefully sewn

together.


powerful things.

they dance

on the tip of my tongue


words.


****

and

revive.


overflowing from

what's hidden

inside.


words.


build up

and tear

d

    o

        w

            n


sweet and stinging,

deadly and inviting.


words.


be careful, dear,

when forming these

on your lips.


watch out, dear,

for their unexpected

yet expected

effects.


choose them wisely, dear.


words.


choose them well, i say.