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  Nov 2014 snarkysparkles
Gavin Betty
Me
I'm not defined by names or tags,
Or what I carry in ziplock bags,
I am what I try to be,
Not what this world labels me.
snarkysparkles Nov 2014
You can tell a lot about someone from how they describe themselves,
Or what they tell you when you ask them about themselves.
You can see it in how much they talk about you,
Or the look they get when you perceive that they are thinking about you.
You can tell by how close they keep you whether you're an enemy,
Or a friend.
You can tell by the frequency of gestures
Or smiles in the hall
Whether they regard you as an acquaintance.
You'll always know when they give you their heart-
And then they give you their all from the very start of things
It warms you from the inside out.
You seldom think about the paths down which you will travel with the ones you love,
But when you look into their faces
You see a mirror of who you're becoming.
The past is in, it's all about the funny coincidences, the secrets you share,
When you first cried together and why-
Your love for each other isn't meant to be kept in a closet,
No matter who has come out (does it really matter at all?)
Just be there, please, to hold the door open for me.
The art of friend love is dying and I've been trying to keep us alive.
I just want to say that when I see a new face,
I'm not letting the good times slip away.
I'm trying to preserve us like wax in other peoples' hearts
Until we call catch fire
And we burn like a fire-
And when it's all almost over,
We can slow down together
And melt with eachother.
Love is patient, love is kind-
Love doesn't judge
Love somehow brings us together to judge,
Strange as it seems to the solitarily righteous.
Love is old, love is new
Love is all, love is you.
And love is being friends with you...
Friend love with you, it's all I've known.
  Nov 2014 snarkysparkles
bucky
step 1: de·ni·al
noun
the action of declaring something to be untrue.
i thought about sending you an email today.
i got through four drafts before i quit.
i haven't talked to you in three months. i haven't deleted your messages in three months. i haven't stopped thinking about you in three months. my heart is still synced with yours. it stopped beating 131,487 minutes ago. please leave a message after the beep.

step 2: an·ger
noun
a strong feeling of annoyance, displeasure, or hostility.
i'm glad you're gone. you were a house but you were never a home for me. i've moved three times since i left.
you shoved your fingers down my throat and left me retching in the snow, excuses tripping on their way out of your cherry bitten lips.
you made me your slaughterhouse, blood on my hands and heart.
i am made of too many things, a conglomeration the size of a galaxy, thirty people sewn into my skin. there is a hole in my chest the size of your fist. please leave a message after the beep.

step 3: bar·gain
verb
negotiate the terms and conditions of a transaction.
(maybe if i had loved you a little less you would have learned to love me back)

step 4: de·pres·sion
noun
severe despondency and dejection, typically felt over a period of time and accompanied by feelings of hopelessness and inadequacy.
i spent more time thinking about you than i ever did about myself. i'm not sure if this is selfish or selfless and i'm not sure if i know the difference. i hung up on you once and you didn't speak to me for a week and i'm not sure if this is love or hatred and i'm not sure if i know the difference. i haven't spoken to you in seven months. please leave a message after the beep.

step 5: ac·cept·ance
noun
agreement with or belief in an idea, opinion, or explanation.**
you told me that acceptance was the same as tolerance.
i don't think i believe you.
i haven't spoken to you in twelve months.
please leave a message after the beep.
if i put your name in an anagram and showed it to you would you remember a thing
  Oct 2014 snarkysparkles
Sam Knaus
I dreamed that
I was my own god,
that I had more control over myself
than you, but
2. I must have dreamed that
I was filled with air
and tied to a string
because when I woke up that morning in October
all I wanted was to get high
and hammered as hell, so
3. like Sean Thomas said,
I must have dreamed I was a nail.
4. I must’ve dreamed that I was deathly ill
because I wanted your touch more than anything
but woke up completely isolated from you,
and reacquaintance comes at a great cost;
I really shouldn’t be feeling
as lost as I do when out of the blue
you show up to my house at 1:30 a.m.
5. I’m sorry.
The few hours between kissing another man
and my decision not to tell you,
to leave you instead,
haunts me, but
6. I dreamed that he was the one holding me
for weeks on end
for weeks on end
for weeks on end
I did not say a word.
7. I dreamed I had a crush on him,
but I’m fairly certain I woke up
falling in love.
  Oct 2014 snarkysparkles
Sam Knaus
"You don’t go to Denny’s.
You end up at Denny’s
when it’s 3 in the morning and
you’ve lost control of your life.”
Sigh.
*******.
Well, it is the middle of the night,
and I am sitting in a booth
over a cup of coffee that tastes like regret,
but why am I here?
I’m sorry.
I needed to get away.
I needed to get away
from the way your voice
ticks in the back of my mind,
I raise the mug to my lips and pretend
that the coffee trailing down my throat
is still your promise,
still warm, and tinted with sugar.
I needed to get away
from the words you sent on my phone screen
swimming back and forth across my eyes,
I’ve dreamed about you so often
that your smile is burned into
the inside of my eyelids.
I’ve made it a game to see
how long I can go without blinking.
because while I don’t want to see a world
where you and I don’t fit together,
waking up from a world where we do
is so much worse.

(Summer 2014.)
  Oct 2014 snarkysparkles
Sam Knaus
You
They say that human eyes
can hold galaxies,
constellations.
Maybe that explains why
every time I look into yours,
I feel infinite.
Like there’s no star
I couldn’t reach.
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