I told the shrink I wanted to commit suicide
I was so jacked up, filled with self hate
Like a jagged rock slashing
through my veins didn't want to stay
in my skin
but I'm calmer now
And I don't even really know how
things got that bad
I'm not even that mad
at all

Pain.
It hurts so much.
My tears are hot with turmoil.

Strength.
I have none left.
My breaking point is now here.

Fight.
My guard is weakening.
I don't think I can stand.

Crack.
My blood is poured.
Fractured and splintered, I have fallen.

Pain.
It hurts so much.
**Millions of pieces lay right here.

for your thoughts
for your wishes
for our distance
for your kisses
for clichés
for the comfort
for 365 days
for many more
for silly honesty
for seasons slipping by
a dozen, bright red roses
for a love that keeps us
high

dissect me into pieces
mathematical
manic
make me
make sense
solve the pieces
like a puzzle
break me
then make me
intact
but I'm not built
of numbers and facts
when you filed my edges
you created gaps

A time forgotten
Because we went separate ways.
Caution i have now
Did you intend for me to be
     Cautious?
Everywhere I go I get a feeling of
Fear. Not because of the wrong but
           Because of being hurt.
God! You still
Have me
In your grip.
Juggling these feelings that still                  
        remain.
Kite flying these feelings.
Longing to be rid of these feelings.
Moments turn to days.
Nothing is helping.
Oh!!
Perhaps i should go? Or maybe
Question myself? as to why i still          
     Think of you.
Registering that it is time to go.
So i drop that rose you made in the
Trash.
Under the sadness of letting go is
      Sense of
Victory.
Watching it land no more
Xoxo's
You are no longer there in my
   Mind. Because we never
Zinged.

Look back at who you used to be:
A boy who walked the straight and narrow
Afraid of your own shadow
A child who made promises unto himself
Swearing you’d never give in
Swearing you’d cling to your dream
Swearing you would be strong enough to stand high on the mountain of morality
Out of reach of their harsh words
And too far away to see the blinding lights of reality
That hoped to knock you down

Now look at who you’ve become:
You call yourself a man
Because you’ve been exposed to the elements
You claim to have “grown-up”
Since you’ve traded in your morals for a ribbon of approval from your friends
You let the words of others sting you
And you change your personality to cover the wounds
You are a disgrace
You’ve cast off pieces of yourself
And glazed over your flaws
To be a mindless piece of perfection
That society won’t reject.
Good for you.

desperately
attempt an escape
from cliché
and doing so
live another

midnight musings
jotted down in
cluttered notebooks

they never seem as grand
as they did
with heavy eyelids

you say i trust to equal those in the past
whom have brought only pain and hatred
upon those in their wake?
well it's time to take a look in the mirror
my friend, no, wait, don't do that,
i wouldn't want to inflate your ego
it would come as no surprise to me if in that
mirror you would only see the eighth wonder
of the world, ever wondered if you could see
the world? i take that back, there is no sense
in snapping and losing my temper,
but all i'm doing is back tracking and
finding my self exempt of the respect that i
deserve, only you can serve to notice
the pain that you have harboured
upon the empty hearts of which now yearn
for that ever self-loving and i can only leave
you with this advice

turn around and back off
that ain't love it's idolatry.