I am not the curves of my body.
I am not the clothes that I put on to hide those curves.
I am not the person you think I am when those clothes do not do an adequate enough job for your liking.
I am not what you think about me.
I am not what you say about me.

I am not this outer shell that you see.
I am not my sexuality.
I am not any of those things you use to label me.

I am smart, sometimes capable.
I am thoughtful, sometimes brilliant.
I am sarcastic, sometimes caustic.
I am phenomenally woman.
But what I am is not any of those things.

I am not my thoughts.
I am not my jokes.
I am not my words or even my actions.
I am not any of the things I use to label myself.

What I am runs so much deeper.
If you get to know me,
Draw me out of my core,
You might be able to see it.
You'll know when you've caught a glimpse.
The indestructible, indescribable..
The exquisite, the beautiful...
The part of me that has always been and will always be.
The part of me that lends everything to itself.

So don't try to describe who I am.
Don't try to label me.
I am not a convenient definition for you understand.
I am so much more.

Honestly,
This is the first time Im going to admit
An achievement I must say
You're not on my mind
Im not thinking about you or what you are doing
My mind is free yet there's something wrong
In my dreams you're there
4 nights straight
I hate it, I hate you
I guess I should call it a nightmare
For I don't want a single thing for me to think of you
Please stop
I need it to stop
I'd rather choose a good night sleep with no dreams than having you in it
I'd rather be awake 24/7 than dream of you
I don't want to face tomorrow with questions
"why you again?"
"Is this me missing you or the otherwise?"

I'd like to say I don't think of you
That you don't cross my mind until your name crosses my screen
And only then do I take the time to care

I'd like to say that I don't
That I haven't devoted any energy to wasting
That it is all too precious to give away to anything but positivity

I'd like to say I would need to think twice if you asked to see me
But I know too well that I wouldn't
I'd say yes
okay
of course
when
All without asking why

I don't know why some people come back and trust me when I say I want to
But I would without question welcome you with open arms and no hesitation
I wouldn't even pause to wonder why you left in the first place

I'd like to say that I'm happy,
That this heart is a filled balloon and there is enough oxygen for me to breathe easy
But sometimes I find myself suffocating on what I don't understand

I am scared that I could so easily let you back in the way I always swear I'll never do again
But I have and I do and I probably will
All you need to do is ask
And I'd say yes,
okay,
of course,
when?