you gotta hold onto summer nights,
luscious trees glistening in bright moonlight,
paints a picture like,
things wont ever get better,
letters typed, can't ever describe
just how live
you feel, with a breath of that air,
and how quickly that free breath fades...
as time invades, once again,
warm embraces end,
soon after they begin,
temporary at best, temporary at worst,
i can't be the first to know this!
i notice, that the summer gets shorter each year,
and the fear that i won't live up to,
set expectations,
leads to hesitation, to start taking life
serious, but fear it just...
seems to paralyze, as i realize,
that this is all that there is,
and i can't describe what i want to do
with myself, i mean... i don't want to be stuck
on a shelf, i just... can't be looked over,
this must be the reason why we cant stay sober,
in life, death is always over our shoulders,
just waiting to take summer nights,
and luscious trees glistening in moonlight,
try as i might, they fade quicker
each year, but i refuse to be a short
paragraphed obituary. and i refuse to be
one of those forgotten many.
i refuse to let all that i have in this head
go to waste without changing the lives
of those misled.
i refuse to let summer nights just go to waste
on pointless *****-drinking, what was i thinking?
i refuse to let mind-numbing 9 to fives
allow me to forget the fact that i am alive,
and i can change the world,
and that i can make my obituary
front. page. news.
i refuse.

the warmth of summertime,
you can almost taste it,
thankful for the sunshine,
not a second wasted,
faced with a warm breeze,
pines become palm trees,
swaying in the wind,
as if they embraced it,

these days are made with,
the feel of your grace,
the smile on your face,
resting on my pillowcase,
there is no other place
that can match this second,
so i hold on to this moment,
trust, i've learned my lesson,

cause the summertime
will soon become winter fury,
and your smile, in that summer,
it's the only thing to cure me,
and surely,
the only thing that keeps me sane,
is knowing you're still the same,
and neither snow, nor rain,
can change

you,
you're the summer, in snow,
you've got that special glow,
that i hope is only known,
by me, cause honestly,
if they were to see,
what i can see,
they would break you down,
bottle you up,
and sell your soul,
like ecstasy

thats what you do to me,

and it may sound twisted,
but the warmth that you bring,
is a gift that was lifted,
from a place that only be amongst the clouds,
you are the brightest light,
shining in a massive crowd,

and I'm wowed by your grace,
there is no other place,
that can erase,
your face smiling on my pillowcase,
i'll retrace those seconds in my mind,
because you,
are the taste of summertime.

searching for answers, written in the silences,
the blank walls, the vacant humming of appliances,
the saliva white expanse, of clouds across the sky,
contain only rain, no response to questions 'why'

the lines, that'd crease your face,
upon a smile when in my gaze,
still form patterns that i can trace,
that resemble, a completed maze,

i swear to god i called your name,
outside, and i heard you call back,
keep memories, like chips, in small stacks,
makes em seem larger than in actual fact.

they same time heals, but can it resurrect?
body stiff, unresponsive, the same as when you left,
through curtains closed, i can feel your silhouette,
laughing at time wasted, mocking lost bets.

--
[chorus]
and too many times i've raised all-in,
blind, not having seen the cards,
forgetting the house always wins,
left to pick up broken shards.

and too many times i've raised all-in,
blind, not having seen the cards,
forgetting someone else always wins,
left to pick up broken shards.
--

how can such vivid images fade?
i relive these moments scarred,
the rain tasting sweet in your backyard,
as if squeezed from saccharine stars.

when my eyes, adjusted to that light,
pupils wide enough, to embrace yours,
i made sure to bend the corners of every page,
never to forget that dress you wore.
(you wore blue)

in one second, with breath in sync,
with heartbeats identical and fingers interlocked,
our mouths pressed together, with perfect pressure,
i committed myself, all i had in stock.

regardless of how cool the element feels,
you constantly bubble over, spilling across the surface,
staining a slate that was once so clean,
with the semblance of a mistaken purpose.

--
[chorus]
--

excision seems so easy a concept,
removing that, which you wish to remove
if only emotions worked as such at the onset,
a scalpel and a strong desire to forget.

the wind seems to speak more than silence,
the calls of the distance, echo in its grasp.
your laughter lingers, sound unchanged,
stubbornly refusing to be in the past.

the unanswered questions of where and why,
pile up, ignoring desired simplicity,
whether another name can drip from your lips?
or whether, in moments of honesty, you still think of me?

searching for answers, written in the silences,
the blank walls, the vacant humming of appliances,
the saliva white expanse, of clouds across the sky,
contain only rain, no response to questions 'why'

--
[chorus]
--

she looks at me as if to say,
you were simply,
an honest mistake,
made with good intention,
and nice at the time,
but long since forgotten,
a futile woodwind, in
an orchestral life,
struggling to make an impact,
on hyperbolic composition...

tell me, truthfully,
you don’t remember its pitch,
the call of its notes,
rang true, it seemed,
for you to imply,
it was not even heard,
makes a mockery of the
efforts made,

honestly, just once,
say its crescendoes
did not bellow, with
the strength of
a timpani, the
sweetness of flutes,
the heart of a sax,

say that the notes
that you sang at the time,
were a lie, simply,
an honest mistake,
and i'll leave this composition,
promising though it seemed,
broken and incomplete,
just as you’d like.

your breath is the,
whisper,
of a higher being,
teaching me of
happiness unknown,

the pounding of my chest,
is the breakbeat,
of joy, in tune with,
ecstasy and unlimited desire,

lying awake, no
need for sleep, energy
renewed, by running
fingers through
your hair...

(lost in the black,
I've no need for them back...)

thirst for water, is satiated
by lips, so soft, your sweat,
sticks, to my soul,
your tears, when happy,
are my oasis, when sad,
reveal, an unknown drive...

I could dive into your
smile, springboard
off your perfection,
splash, in a beauty,
that I certainly don't deserve,

I could bask in your
intelligence, eloquence
and charm, never worried,
of the consequences
of their strength...

I would confine myself,
to rigid structures/rhyme schemes,
if it meant that I could keep you,
in my dreams...

I could love you for,
eternity,
reciprocated, I will,
you're all i want to see, breathe,
drink and feel...

all we have to look forward to,
are solitary birthdays.
isolated, desolate,
so why not start today?

friends, ones who are constant,
will fade as fast, as footprints
in snow, as breath on glass,
and all interaction is a
futile distraction.

used to long for a phone call,
crave your attention,
yearn for your laughter,
spend days in detention,
just to talk to you,
for a minute more,
than allowed by the man,
at the front of the class.

why?

why even try?
the ties that we form,
are temporary and meant
to break, the smiles,
the warmth inside,
it's all fake. a simple
chemical reaction,
nothing more complex.

if i could take back,
those seconds, if i could
take back those moments,
the fights and the joy,
the cheers and the drinks,
i would.

hurt would be more foreign.
and the solitary birthdays,
would seem commonplace.

instead, there's you,
there's everyone else,
there's the fear that it will
all just vanish, we're just
frivolous,
superfluous,
...temporary.

wishes to speak,
words that we could say,
longing for elsewhere,
we're doomed to this fate.

if this were a dream,
at least i'd awake,
if this were a movie,
at least there'd be a plot,
if this were a song,
at least it'd be remembered,
if this were a joke,
at least there'd be a punchline.

candles, cards,
cake, and company,
i'd lose them all
to avoid these moments.
to have you back,
and unknown,
bliss.

i'm lost without you....
not lost as in a
lost soul
or a metaphorical endless search
that i now find myself on.
i'm not aimlessly wandering
through an abyss,
the darkness of which
is only matched
by the black of your hair...
no.
i mean,
literally.
like you knew,
directions really well,
and would always remember
where i parked my car,
and you'd hold my hand to
guide me through a crowd
towards the
right cardinal direction.
that sort of lost.
pragmatic.
where do i go
from here?