Ash trays not cleaned in a year
I keep coming back
Clean and then again
I chew out the nicotion  
My throat ran raw
Years of yelling and smoking and longing

Maybe I’m the rain
Peaceful and angry
Im cold. shivering
A reckless force filled with too much love
My lungs stabbed and shattered
You called me a butterfly
Then you proved what my heart cant take

My old dress sits there
I long to sit in it again
Everyone i've ever loved is 6 feet under
Or miles away
I write because i loathe who i am
Who you are
Because the love you don't give me
Is all I have for you

The pain you bring me
Goes to my soul
Myself


Im borderline between clean and addicted
Between you and me