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Betty Ponder Jun 2013
To my beloved father who's no longer with us; I wish you were here to see me now.
I'm the little girl in a grown up body who grew up to be a woman you can be proud of.
I miss you dearly my beloved father who gets half of the credit for my being on this earth.
I've a great appreciation of your patient and learned words; I followed in your foot steps.

Feel blue at times because you left before I had the chance to tell you how much I love you.
We both know you're looking down and rooting for me as I experience parenting first hand.
I know your job wasn't easy and I understood when you said no; it was with good reason.
But that little girl in me often wishes you were still here for that occasional  heart to heart.

Miss you and always be grateful and never forget what you taught through great example.
Never "ever" saying, "Do as I say kid, but turn blind eyes away from Dad's bad actions".
I'll always be thankful for you showing me integrity in words that mirrored your actions.  
I'm grateful you allowed me to make mistakes and gently guided me with your wisdom.

From you I learned; No matter how much life pushes you to extremes, you keep fighting.
From you I learned; Love and respect of life even when faced with hate born from illogic.
From you I learned; Love self enough to set free all that damages physically & emotionally.
From you I learned; To proudly stand alone when necessary, never to cower; face my fears.
  
Though your life on this planet was cut short, what you taught will last infinite life times.  
You were the kind of dad everyone loved and admired; you brought joy by your presence.
There are so many things I vividly remember about you and shared with my own children
You worked extremely hard to provide for us and showed Nothing worthwhile is ever easy

Happy Father's Day 2013 to my beloved father and all dads every where!
I am a man. A good man.
Your thoughts of hate and discriminative conceptions..
of what I "must stand for,"
Of "What I know  I should not be forced to stand for.."
"Wealth and Vanity's fools..."
Such are the  only ""Minds" who  create  a "rule" in the "Social Book"
as "created" and "made-up"
only from and by   an "insane mind..."
Ones who have "Turned  on" "others"
...  and ....the "only type" of "personalities"  that have  "needs"  "made of such" unneeded" "darkness"
and "Morals"
Such,turning a "person" into a "Defined," "Labeled," and   "poorly-typed personality," "into "such defined , wrongly, as a "person" considered as a "kind.."

As the only "soul" who "defines" their thoughts
of a "poorly defined" lifestyle"  as  "such as"a required "company creating" rule ,"

Such, where only "sloppy" and "unhealthy " diners "think"  of" as  a " tool..."
as "such unhealthy" Thinking  is as "successful"   are as  "beneficial to one's soul"
As what  "lost food-poisoned"  recipes where   "lost souls" can  "grow lonely" and as a "lone" "ranger," who is  more and more ""poor...."

Due to their "insecure recipes"  
Their ill-fated "needs"  of what only what their "unsafe" Book's "Recipes"
where only "unwanted-securities"
Are "Tasty" "facts" which are whipped up on "trays"  created  by  these "eccentric"  and "overpowering" "kinds" of "chef's" "requirements"
Are only ill-guided "thoughts" made up  by "misguided " "entities"
The "sickly and untried souls untried" and those now "Unkind.."
Those "insecure people"  who are, "inside and out," truly lost," and now "poor"...
Inside..."
Not  made of  the most "secured" of "ingredients" and out of  "life's festered insanities...."
and never of "sanity"
   of "minds" in which they are in >financially" in store to be truly "poor"
well, such >hurtful energies, beliefs, thoughts, and words...."
Words where such  never   have any worth.
Nor "truer life's path" can be    "plotted"  where  any   "bearings," can  "lead" my life "in-less than "fake" or "hectic waters"
of the rocky surf...
Sports that ,Rather than "thrill much needed true fully" needed    "mapped " "courses"
They land us to Where neither  "a true  meaning in my soul," is truly a needed "destination."

here in my beautiful heart...
I wish to not let such trips land my head in a ditch. Or worse.
I become hateful and judgmental, to others, as you forced into my programming logic to be..
continuing the cycle, like yours imposed, forcibly on me...
"Blind out of fear and question," to "what I am "or "what I never  needed to" "be...."
I turned myself, my thoughts, and my acts around and I am truly able
to step back, process, understand and remove such "unneeded" parts added in the world,
where the moment became "sunniest" and "Clearest"
When I decided to "grow up" and "accept and correct my own misguided mistakes"
"I manned up" and I could ,finally,  "correct   such hurtful motions to souls that my bad and old actions had broken"
...as "I finally put my pieces back together,"
I  can now, and "more than I  ever needed in" "my  wrecked spirit" to be
Free, " to grow in dignity" and in my own "open-eyed" mind
  "Decide"
Due to a now"  truer spirit..."
"I can truly see" and (more than I  ever wanted to be, free_)
I am now," freer" to "be more" of "the truer me"
" I am  me."
.
Since, now,, I can truly open my once closed eyes   "clearly", " see.."
around  others, as you have forced my fragile soul  make me acceptable in your crazy world
As this "computerized brain" was  forced to act out a programming, which he was never compatible with such illogic to become, and I try to fire down upon a "weaker one..."
.I took on him my toll...My fire.....My fear....Illogic you handed into my life, uneedingly, suffering as he has now to bear because of what you scared me to treat his programming to become...
He shorts out....
His fragile soul shatters...
I'm now a new "weapon of mass destruction"
In your Sick life's army.....
What you thought was "just"
It never, ever, justly ever once matters....
In "a real world" where uniqueness should be cheered to thrive..
Planted, nurtured and gardened to grow....
Out of your sick "social demands " as such, I label "experimentation on what you call the weak,"
Such will some day haunt you until you are at your dying way.
Definitions of what I require as a man....
Intimacy justly needed...
Equally sprinkled with love and honor...Just and Deserved Trust....
"Sickness" which  you have tried to "Cure"
was nothing more than untrue stories and a door to your sad, pathetic, and hurtful face, I must now slam..
One cannot survive to see in forced "illogic,"
Forged from your "Fears and Misguided Brining up as a child"
Was instilled into.... "Your parents fears," from them and " "justly" programmed  or forced from your "sickness....such as what is this refusal to face uncertainty" made a disease in you to stick...
..in an avoidance to " faced raced obstacles"   and your "Inner Child's Add to dictionary and malnourished voice ignored  your own "
  you had to endure as a child..
You never stopped to question any "sickness from poor programs of bad parenting or your own poor understanding of another's lifestyle.."
or be programmed as such programming that another demands and believes as "pure and just.."
Nat Lipstadt Aug 2019
Alaska:
“though the whole world should be mad at once
though the elements should be changed, though the angels should rebel: yet verity (irrefutable truth) cannot lie.”  
                                                         ­                  Erasmus of Rotterdam

<> <>

for BJ Donovan, a fine, fine poet
<><><>

verity, irrefutable truth, cannot lie,
or belie it’s non-contradictory nature,
even, in a small airport, a one runway affair,
somewhere in Alaska
ribboned tween icy crags and dagger-ous peaks,
low cloud coverings of sub-zero visibility,
that inquire, in an indigenous tongue
of the flying fool pilots,

“really?”

if I or you ask me why I’m here,
Alaska,
the answers come in only three Heinz varieties,
true or false positive, no differentiation needed,
the other, is called
“one who doesn’t know how to ask”

you know him,
the simpleton, the simple one, me,
who can’t frame the question without

risking that he frame himself

betraying and displaying his woeful ignorance,
a veneered confidence of knowing so little about much

in the shed, a/k/a
‘the terminal,’ we wait,
me and an ex-Buddhist priest,
head stubble shaved, of course, round horn rimmed glasses wearing,
stone washed jeans blue, the color of his eyes,
reflecting mine as well as the blue glacier ice
surrounding us both, we,
the extraneous human eagle interlopers

showed him the Erasmus quote, provoking one of them,
thin lined, whimsical, eye-glinting smiles of those
who know the answer
to the knotty ones, or,
know better, that knotty questions one asks himself
when high up in the mountainous glacier ranges,
get answered just by silent patience

he smiled for an eternity of
at least five minutes,
my heart pulsating big time,
this modern man anticipating, in his calm, dulcet two tones,
his understanding of another ancient translating another,
even more ancient, speaking:

”the world is indeed mad,
through neglect letting the elements warp, glaciers melt;
the angels have indeed rebelled at the
foreseen fated falsehoods perpetrated,
verity,
torn asunder,
and the line between balance and imbalance,
so jaggedly ripped in too many places that verity a victim
so badly assaulted, its face is no longer identifiable by AI, worse,
so covered, dying, undiscoverable.

but you ask!
ask of yourself, asking of others, and tolerating
uncurled, uncut uncertainty, you retreat and reconsider,
this then is your answer!
it is the
ASKING,
that is verity, itself! there can be no lying thing in the
quest of questioning
that accepts, rejects, and unceasingly asks again^

this is a the only irrefutable truth and what it asks of you:

never accept the illogic of belief, let your own eyes be the best judge;
ask and ask thrice, be satisfied that being disastrously dissatisfied
is the norm, the mean,
the line toward a perfection that may not ever exist(ed)
for our flaws define us, thus so much greater is our truths when we
we reshape them, ourselves, for verity itself is not so hard to find,
but the finding of one self is too difficult for most


for asking is too painful,
too primordial, and why I am no longer a priest nor teacher,
but a simple observer of the answers that can be found in the
silences of places,
the Alaska’s inside of us,
where nature’s sets
an open table for anyone
wiling to just ask...”
8/18/19
S.I., N.Y.

^”It is not in the asking, but in the searching and wrestling that we gain clarity.”
Nat Lipstadt Jan 2015
for my friend, AJB, mother, artist*

why
would anyone believe in invisible...
coordinator of billions of trillions
of interactions daily,
the microscopic
the telescopic

at what level
is there intercession
where is the
intervention,
rhymed reasoning of
impoverishing failing-me inadequate comprehension

so here I am
at 4:00 am
wailing and complaining
not so much at life's happenstance,
not even a foolish why me uttered,
talking to invisibility,
demanding culpability
at the very least
an apology

by that act
admitting the fact
that in conversation with parties
invited and drop-ins welcome,
in the silence sewn
in the residence permanent
of my mind's lobe of disquietude

logic forgone,
I am a believer,
no understanding
nor forgiving
at the illogic
of my tragedy
mine,
not so divine,
wailing and complaining

this my diatribe
knowing your silence
is a listening signature,
my complaining and wailing
my curse my blessing,
my transmitting frequency
of a multivariate equation
demanding a solution

too busy mastering the universe?
your data base
endless and unfathomable
file this under
audios of
YouTubes of
complaining and wailing,
hoping you cleanse yourself
with a good long listen
I am weary of mothers losing their children,
I am weary of failing to achieve reconciliation,
cessation of formalities, truce delivered,
unafraid to call this what it is,
damning fate, for no god could be so cruel...

If only there was a Dislike button for life and poems
Mass times acceleration
Disbalance and violation
If I had any, I would use, but
Externals force me to choose.
How far may the rays of light
Travel in the pit of void?
Will their speed exceed indeed
The power of the figures' horde?
Will immortal seeds become of age
Under a brighter star's main stage?
Will their specters match in peace
Or timeframes collide without ease...
I make notes, files, but no coins,
Breaking what's been left to break,
Coining words instead of points
Breathing vacuum, air is fake.
Ordering helps me no more,
Trade hardly yields me any score,
The grid of matter took my dream,
Stole my youth and flawed my piece.
I thought that any knowledge is power,
Now I realize it's like any flower,
Philosophers love and grow it,
Calculators show and throw it.
Beauty, balance, free will
They all are prey to evil.
bits of desperation, fractured beliefs about knowledge, physics, logic, values, matter, spirit and the ultimate futileness of form
Heavy Hearted Sep 2024
-Studying car lights from outside- an automobile's slow flash-

Primary colors of headlight reflections, flirt in their dance-like dash.

Here I sit in the back of my van, in the corner on the side of the street; I've been right here since 5pm, how the hours lapse with deceit. Its been just over 5 full hours that I've been paralyzed in this seat; Now as it's pushing 10pm, documented my defeat:

I'm more than done with this pit of fear,
overcome the paranoid gap,
all I need is to now pause, re-evaluate  
Exiting this trap.

To wrap it up in this conclusion
To iterate the hours ceaseless delusion
Is to redefine isolations inherent seclusion-  with confidence, strength-
dispel illogic's confusion.
Rickie Louis Sep 2011
I've been in love, and loved only one,
all of them lovers, but loved of them none.
To blame, a desire, of them seems to me,
a projection from liars, who they seem to be.
But soon these sparks fade, oblivion subsides,
it's many were confused, or it's lies they confide.
All beyond reason, Unwilling to bend,
as if they are hiding, it's then they defend.
illogic so blinding, but so plain to see,
the same who once kissed, It's themselves they deceive.
To them like a game, With revolving rules,
at first they are common, then suddenly fooled.
But down to a truth, and wisdom to be,
dishonesty floats, and facades soon are seen.
The one that I loved, like a princess or goddess a fairytail, it is I who was modest.
It's now that I realize, it's I who is broke,
so willingly hopeless, my own heart I choke.
Ishika  Aug 2018
Cognizance.
Ishika Aug 2018
Teach your child
to plant a tree
than pluck one
that was never
her own entity
but its own

Teach your child
to make  a painting
of a flower
as a gift
than give a bouquet
that will die soon
or instead
teach her to
give a sapling
that will grow
into a memory
which will hold
much power

Teach your child
to question
than cower
to vain rules
and illogic
that steal her
playful affection
and her artless frolic

Teach your child
to climb trees
before the
ladders to
supreme echelon

Teach her
that when she collapses
she must stand up
with grace and poise
like the shining sun
for after
the night
is done
laying its darkness
it rises again
the sun

Teach your child
the colors of mankind
Yellow or Orange
Red or Brown
Black or White
to accept each one
everyone
without the division
of vanity
of power
or a crown

Teach your child
to create
her own meaning
of Love

Teach her to
listen to the story
of every tear
that bears grief
and to
speak aloud
to bespeak
wisdom and virtue
in brief

Teach your child
about the freedom
in and of the mind
before she rebels
to venture outside
with people
who care less
about her kind
but more about
filling the space
on a car seat

Teach your child
to believe
in possibilities
and have faith
in the certainties
of unlocking mysteries

Teach her
to fuel
her curiosities

Teach your child
values that were not
taught to
the crowd
then you will
stand a mother
full and proud.
Nat Lipstadt Dec 2023
inspired by a short story from the man from Snake River


<>


no alarm clocks heard expiring,
unrequired and unrequited,
we,
those, self-employed by the
nocturnal repetitive recounting
of sins of omission and worse,
those commissioned in
anger and haste, that breed only
more anger and lay further waste
from humans to 
humans,
awaken with an
irregular precision
and bad disorder,
demanding chances,
expiation, restitution, amendment,
but time erodes
possibilities for the
impossible,
foreign forgiveness

knock-you-down rushing currents
of water erodes Snake River boulders,
them oldsters just like the litany of our
malfeasances, indestructible in nature
geologic,
and in
human nature
illogic,
terms, such as time measurements,
irreverent and irredeemable,
for our sins
live far longer than
our owned memories,
in those harmed, who
cannot in the unlimited timeless quantity of
ever ever,
understand

your wry smile,
your why cries,
audibles you’ve
play called, go
unheard, unseen,
even and odd
Bach Orchestral Suites,
Beethoven Sonatas
more mock than soothe

trapped between industrial carpet
and flat unpainted Armstrong ceiling tiles,
you
in a hell of your own creation, forgot to include,
a Sabbath day extant, of rest for weary creators,
ever ever,

or planned in a world you’ve  designed,
so the best you
can do
is write
another and another
confession ever ever

watching and listening to
the alarm clock that neither
requires setting, for
it’s audible ticking is
alarm-ing curse
enough ever ever
that always never
rings
see “4:30 Am in the City” by Jim Cunningham from his book of short stories,
“Reel Stories”

writ at 7:00am
Onoma Nov 2013
Time an temperature...bottom right of
tele-visioning screen.
And now...torrent crystallized vertically, horizontally.
Fixity of the epochal *****--aegis to the
refining floodlight.
Reflected back to virtual reality, Jacob Boehme's
pewter dish.
Numbing, the iced pillow of cold illogic...slid
the presented head...melting.
Warming up and up to harmony and chaos--
reintegrated by and by Now.
As my illogic breaks, I'll robot make
to be this soul's chamber,
robbing a piecemeal joy from misfit toys
tossed out for fine tuning

by toddlers cheery mad to gorge on fads.
I'll take their T-Rex head,
with droopy lids that wink as if to drink
the world's wide-shallow stares,

plug its plastic prongs in torso of tin
while twin squeeze-box arms splay
to tie magnetic bows round pads below
gold, plush lion cub's legs.

This moppet of mixed breeds I'll learned feed
with animate cunning
to be ruled by charmed laws that give it pause
when whole-sum circumstance

tangles fuzzy circuits. Then a circus-
wire's unbalancing act
I'll paste from templed flesh to doll enmeshed
by transfuse rigging,

and as coil comes to slough, just as I'm off,
I'll flip that gilded switch,
implanting my spirit into a bit
of copper-hued country.
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 License.
ShamusDeyo Mar 2015
Everytime I hear No, its always .......MY FAULT
As the Brain drags me down this train of illogic
Anxiety Loops in unending Circles Spun to the Tragic
What can go wrong, then to feel like.......
Life has ***** me, And why is it always my Fault

The FIST FLEW out of Nowhere, Sucker punched*
Slow motion falling as a..........
Childs head bounces off the ground
Awaking to throbbing Pain,
My Pants around my Knees,
And why is it always my Fault..

For those who know what I mean
Others can't know what we've seen
Even if Its both Bad and Yucky
*Childhood is for the lucky..........JMF  9/28/14
I did a revision of an earlier Piece...

I realized I never had a childhood
BOOTS  Mar 2014
oh ....
BOOTS Mar 2014
oh whoa oh is gone
who is gone ? who? woo ..what!?
im lost hypnotized inside my mind lost
and trapped at the same time
make what you will
say what you say display how you feel

say stay the same don't be in the such rush
were going to the same place in the end
and there's plenty of space
neurotic from to many narcotics at once
I can get illogic in my jargon once the effects
on set

im on a set on a stage naked
I believe a politician clothes
should be rigged to set on fire when their caught lying
in  our faces

take it for what it is I don't hold a placement
I face adjacent from your standard living condition
on my transient engagement roamago a it a little till it gives to your mold
take **** as far as it will go
=/

— The End —