I counted  the clock
as I watched the small hand slowly tick by

I stared off into space
as I watched the weather change from sunny to Grey-
blurring my vision as my mind drifted away...

Something in the air told me to be still-  listen & wait

but if I'd of known on this day
you'd do the unthinkable so intangibly-
I well I don't know what I'd of done....

I haven't eaten since you left
I hardly slept since I found you gone...

Hard to think as I sit at my dinning table
watching out my bay window as children laugh & play.

I heard a dog bark and watched a girl playing with her hula-hoop

I sit as tears run down my face thinking are you eating are you safe?

Why now would you think to leave
when everything you wanted
is right in front of you?

Is that person you ran to worth
the pain your causing me?

What can you be thinking ?

As I sit hear with my elbows on this table,
head bent low & my hands in my hair.

I hear a knock & my heart skips a beat, butterflies flutter in the pit of my stomach...

That lil girl with her hula-hoop tapped my window and smiles (I thought it was you)


I smile right back but all  I see is you- in my mind
I see you with your tiny hands, your wrapped in blankets,
leaves of many colors  fall down from above as we sat in  Elizabeth Park
me reading  Winnie The Pooh  to you.

You at about 2- running with your very first kite  
saying looky momma look "it fly'ing"...

As you ran you tripped stubbled & fell  sadly your kite flew away...
I chases it but I couldn't reach it in time....
You look up with tears & it breaks my heart I didn't catch your kite
so I cry too and you say to me momma it OK.

I see in my mind you  at 4 laughing with your sister - you both hold hand
twirling round & round in circles   until you fall down giggling all the while.

I wonder where is that smile of yours now?

Where's the laughter & feelings you had way back then?

My tears are overflow- spilling on this dinning table...

I look up and watch
the tiny red hand on the clock tick, tick, tick on by,
it's the only sound in my house.

Your sisters outside playing with their friends
as  I sit watching out the window& all I see is the many blended
children whom now look all
like you- running, laughing, playing...

Being free to be them selves & all I can do is long to have you home for once.
No picture is gonna help
because you've left me watching, waiting once more,
I  been here all this time doing what I seem to continuously do which is
Watch As Time Flys By!
Always Me Ayeshah