Lawrence Hall, HSG
Mhall46184@aol.com

                     If Mr. Vance Says You Ate Someone’s Pet Cat
                     Then Obviously You Ate Someone’s Pet Cat


                 “Show me the man and I will show you the crime.”

  -many attributions, usually to Lavrentia Beria, sometimes to Stalin


      "In Springfield, they're eating the dogs…They're eating the cats.
       They're eating the pets of the people that live there.”

        -Presidential candidate Donald Trump, 10 September 2024


             "If I have to create stories so that the American media
              actually pays attention to the suffering of the American
              people, then that's what I'm going to do."

               -Vice presidential candidate J. D. Vance on CNN,
                                Sunday, 15 September 2024


Little children in school are threatened with bombs

Because someone said that someone said
That someone ate someone else’s pet cat

Patients in hospitals are threatened with bombs

Because someone said that someone said
That someone ate someone else’s pet cat

City office workers are threatened with bombs

Because someone said that someone said
That someone ate someone else’s pet cat

A Lutheran university is threatened with bombs

Because someone said that someone said
That someone ate someone else’s pet cat

A few Proud Boys [sic] stumble around in the street

Because two Heroic Men of Destiny said
That someone ate someone else’s pet cat

There once was a man who liked to eat grunion
he ate them with ketchup and onion
he ate them for lunch
he ate a whole bunch
he ate so many they gave him a bunion

There was a lady who liked to eat cheese
but when she ate it she started to sneeze
she'd sneeze and she'd cough
till her hat would fall off
and she developed a terrible wheeze

There was a young girl who ate cantaloupe
while she rode on the back of an antelope
she rode along fine
and continued to dine
till her antelope tripping, slid down a *****

There was a boy who liked mango
when he ate it he did the fandango
he'd throw out the peels
then with a click of his heels
he would dance a beautiful tango

There was a lady who loved carrots
but so did her large group of ferrets
if her ferrets were there
she had to give them a scare
to keep them away from her carrots

There once was a man who liked to eat soup
but when he did it made his ears droop
it was hard to recoup
with ears covered with goop
but he just couldn't give up his soup

There was a young lad who liked waffles
Though they made him feel really awful
he ate them with butter
then he would sputter
and develop a terrible cough-ful

There was a man who loved to eat stew
but when he ate it his face would turn blue
it was truly a ghastly hue
he looked like he had the flu
as if he was sick through and through

There once was a lady who liked custard
she ate it with pickles and mustard
a strange combo, she'll grant
since she's not even pregnant
when she was asked she'd always get flustered