Where are the pure souls?
Forgotten miserably,
Ashes washed away.

If a fire were to burn the world,
I'd want you to be my flame.
If a tsunami were to drown us all,
I'd want you to be my wave.

During his childhood
He found beauty in the sand
Now he rests beneath.

Drive a stake
Through my heart,
Watch me break
You've played your part.

My downfall is
Just another jewel
In your crown
Why are you so cruel?

My mind is broken
My soul is dead,
My heart has been stolen
And is lost forever.

You crushed it
In your hands
I felt a pit
I was going mad.

I just want to see
You feel pain
I want to know
You're stuck in rain.

A hurricane over you
Blowing away all you are,
Not a rainbow in sight
And you're falling apart.

Darkness blankets me
Fighting my demons,
Why can't you see?
It's just evil.

I scream for help
I cry and yell,
You watch as I crawl
And slowly drown.

I thought I jumped,
But I just slipped
When I fell,
I thought you had a grip.

I was wrong
I'm not strong,
I might seem loud
But inside I crouch.

But you bow down
For the amazing show,
I'm losing my crown,
But yours only grows.

Gold and platinum
A touch of ruby,
The colour of my lips
When they pressed yours lightly.

Shining in the dark
Only your cruel self,
Leading me nowhere,
Darkness fighting itself.

Do you hear me when I cry?
Do you see me when I drown?
As hard as I try,
The memory only leaves a frown.

My eyes freeze,
With only drops of water
Trickling down.
For you it's a breeze,
As you didn't falter
But I fell down.

*I hide the pain,
Walk through the rain,
Is this what you're made of?
Is this what I have to face?
Not one genuine laugh,
Only false grace.

when you open your eyes
i see vast space
where your thoughts flail
like leaves on a windy day
when you begin to speak
i hear and old soul
with a lingering passion
to go on, move on, what next
your words burn me
like a cigarette on raw skin
they pierce through me
like a thousand icebergs all at once
and when you try letting go
and becoming someone else
i beg for you to return
and wrap me once again
with poetry and prose
cuss words and all
you are all the oceans
and galaxies
the whole universe
and what's beyond it
baby you
could be the hope for all posterity

With every step that you take
And every move that you make,
I can't help but stumble
And fall so deep into hate.

the words i wrote at fifteen, sixteen, seventeen, twenty
did i truly understand them?
do i truly understand them now?
i'm closer to thirty than i am to fifteen
and i'm just staring at this keyboard
of a laptop i didn't buy
listening to kesha on a speaker with the volume turned up 'way too high'.
i think about the days i laid on the floor, listening to kesha, with the volume...yeah, way too high.
i would lay on the floor of the room i grew up in
a room whose walls, if they could talk, would just weep
they would sob with all their might
the distress, suffering and bloodshed they've seen
and i'm still here, alive, more than just alive. living.
and i wonder, could there be a way to slip back in time and watch myself on those cold, lonely, empty nights?
"ain't it funny how time flies? fades into gold. now i wanna do a drive by, but i cant find the road... back to wonderland, where it all began."
"feels like it was a movie, that plays in my mind. shadows of a past life, wish i could rewind."

when did i learn to be so full of shame?
so inhibited and so suffocated?
it feels like i was more free in a sense
when i was writhing in pain and emptiness
but now that i have to have my head ******* straight on
to survive in this world on my own two feet
with everything i do, every step that i take...
shame engulfs me like a raging fire that came on with no warning.
even now, i feel ******* stupid writing these words

but in times like these,
i also feel completely and absolutely mentally ill, unwell, destroyed
and somehow, it's freeing.
i want to act like a lunatic
i want to make unidentifiable noises
i want to be called unstable
at least then i'll get a pass to be unhinged and absolutely myself
without the pretence of sanity and civil behaviour
without needing to be so painfully aware of the fact that 'we live in a society'
**** that
i am my entire society
i write the rules and i erase them
at my will

mentally ill, depressed out of my mind, numb as all hell, withering away
but completely and entirely free to be myself.
act out, lash out, scream, cry, crawl, hiss, flail, fail, growl
do it all
**** what anyone thinks
i'll do as i want.
i'll be me.
that's it.