𝐤𝐢𝐚𝐫𝐚

𝐤𝐢𝐚𝐫𝐚 Dec 2022

Dear struggling child of God,

I know you keep trying to steer the ship back to the shore. Back to safety and peace in God.

I know the storms seem tougher than you are and Christ seems more distant as the waves push you deeper into the sea.

You tell ourself, "tomorrow will be different," every night you close your eyes and wonder when God will be near again.

Holy Spirit seems gone.

And you're left trying to tame the madness and chaos that He's left you to deal with all alone.

When your tears are concealed by the anger of the storm, and you wonder if God truly left you to deal with the storm all by yourself.

Child, I know how much you long for things to be the same, for the Prince of Peace to calm the storm or help you walk on water.

The worse part is, no matter how hard you seem to try, He just doesn't seem to care.

Right?

I have no courage to give you, or wisdom to impart on you. I'd say in your weakness, He is strong, but how could I when the weakness seems greater than God Himself.

But I want you to know, holiness is a journey that's not easy to embark on.

To be sanctified in Jesus through the redeeming work of Holy Spirit, feels like a battle you'll never win.

And trying to steer to the safety of the shore, is like running against the wind.

But when you think God has not prepared you to face the harshness of the storm, remember Christ who become a child and chose to be born in a stable. A place not typically fit for the majestic glory of God Himself.

When your body is limp and weak, remember the King of Kings, who was slapped and beaten in shame and carried so much embarrasment that His own disciples abandoned Him.

Remember the garden of Gethsemane, when Yeshua chose the cup of suffering that we may share His glory and be an ambassador.

Remember how He chose the wrath of God, for the freedom of mankind. How his hands and feet bore the holes of disgrace that came with dying a sinners death.

Being an ambassador of the great King, means we bear an image that represents Him. Though there is glory, there is also suffering.

So be still even in the rage, even in the discomfort, knowing that the God who created the seas, will direct you to where you must go, not where you think you want to be.

Sincerely,
your struggling sister.

𝐤𝐢𝐚𝐫𝐚 Oct 2022

whom have i

we've come too far to give up now.
Your hands have carried me through battles and wars.
Your hands have healed the parts of me, I didn't think could be healed,
and the scars that are now left behind, sing praises for what You have mended.
where can I go that You do not see or know.
where in my mind or heart, that You do not understand.
who do I have but You?
look at me, see the battered and bruised soul that weeps for You.
LORD, whom have I in heaven or earth, or below the earth?
it's just You.

𝐤𝐢𝐚𝐫𝐚 Sep 2022

babylon

Babylon.

we look just like her.

I see Egypt in the distance, chariots and horses led by mighty kings that slay without a blink.

we are joined in battle. we fight together.

our warriors are blind and mute.
lips sown shut, we have no voice,
for we have sold ourselves as slaves to Babylon.

like a ball of fire we burn, but we must march on for our souls are not ours.

no mercy.

no mercy Babylon, not even to preserve the lives of the righteous.
we march on in the thick darkness, to a battle we were never equipped to win.

look!

the LORD's army is dressed in Holy white, we tremble and fear as they surround us with light.
their King, the one called Faithful and True, leads them like a mighty warrior.
His light penetrating through our eyes that are closed.

babylon march, march babylon!

but everyone around is vanishing like a breath. the light is conquering.

babylon march!

I cannot, my legs cannot carry me to fight, I will die by the light.

run, faster than your legs can take you. cling to the arms of the merciful One.
the King, the Light of Life.
He redeems me.

I am only 206 bones held together by sinews and tendons. i am dry bones with no life. and then He breathes the breath of life into me and my gaze is no longer on Babylon.

my gaze is on the fiery eyes of the conquering Lion.

oh praise God!

yes, praise the Alpha and Omega.

my Beginning and End.

come babylon, He is setting us free. turn away from the lust and seduction of the world, see that you are chained. this is not freedom!

babylon, I plead with you, fight the good fight or perish in the fire.

accept the savior, Jesus Christ, who has the power to redeem.

that is true freedom.

𝐤𝐢𝐚𝐫𝐚 Jul 2022

rise

eyes flutter open, the room is darkened reflecting the absence of light outside.
the realization of who I've become dawns on me.
I am ashamed.
afraid.
but I close my eyes again, "i love You, Lord."
I say the words in my heart hoping You know it's true even though You haven't been seeing it.
and when I open my eyes again, light begins to shine.
the sun rising in the sky and in my heart.
and yet, there is still hope.
despite how far I've gone and how long I've stayed in the darkness.
there is still hope for redemption in a sinner like me.

𝐤𝐢𝐚𝐫𝐚 Jun 2022

what is equivalent?

what does it matter,
if i could give you all your desires,
but your heart would forever be longing
for something more?
if i gave you the whole world,
you still wouldn't be content,
you'd still have that gaping hole in your chest
waiting for someone to fill it for you.
"For what does it profit a man
to gain the whole world and forfeit his soul?
For what can a man give in return for his soul?"

Mark 8:36,37 ESV

𝐤𝐢𝐚𝐫𝐚 May 2022

the blood of redemption courses through my veins.

i was once drained of life.
dying.
face sunken and dried,
veins narrow, trying to take in as much blood as it could
and
a heart without enough life to live.
dead.
that's what you call someone with no heartbeat, an inactive brain and
an oxygen deprived, rotting pair of lungs.
that was me.
dead.
and then, suddenly,
Jesus Christ.
redemption blood coursed through my veins,
igniting a heartbeat.
compressions and then breath to my lungs and my brain.
"breathe," He said.
salvation runs red within my body,
giving life where there was death and decay.
i can breathe.
finally, i can breathe.
look, look at my Saviour!
with a bloodied and bruised face,
swollen eyes.
look at His hands and His feet, pierced.
look at the crown of thorns,
the blood runs like tears down His face.
look, He comes riding on a donkey and a colt.
pierced on His side, where my salvation runs free.

𝐤𝐢𝐚𝐫𝐚 May 2022

restless

there is a storm brewing.
it is violent, i can feel it,
but God how do i stop it?
how do i trust the Prince of Peace when my life has been so rebellious?
how do i walk out into the storm when my legs can only take me as far as the edge of the boat.
You wait there, patiently for me,
while i tremble and i collapse under the weight of the storm.
where do i go?
how do i come to You again?
it's easy to be distracted by the storm around me, but harder to set my sights on You.
i dont have the ability to be calm anymore.
but You are the One who sees,
our Banner of hope and victory.
You are the overwhelming voice of comfort in my misery and pain, when i am caught up in the restless storms around me, you sing over me, like a Father who loves His child.
Your arms wrap around us like a blanket even when the storms surround us and the sky turns dark.
yes, somehow, even when the sky turns dark,
God, i can still see You.