There is no mountain
I cannot climb
With you beside me

I thought for once I'd keep my closet shut,
But those skeletons seep through the cracks.
I thought for once I'd hide my eyes from your blood,
But I watch you spill into the sink,
I watch you as you spill out so fast!
I told myself I'm not afraid,
But I'm not sure if you will last!
Yesterday I was afraid of coming back!
I never thought I'd face my past!

-But I sit here and wonder the same thing, over and over-

Watching is the hardest part
Of loving someone with all your heart!
So I watch you bleed out on my floor,
And I close my eyes, and I shut your door!
I never wanted you to bleed, but I love you too much to say
That I never really wanted to watch you die this way!
I thought I'd leave you in December's curse,
But you've followed me and you drive my hearse.

The saddest part of the day is watching those doors close-
The saddest part of the day is watching your doors close!
Just before your eyes begin to roll
And you shake and bang your skull
I look into your eyes
And I pray that one day you'll be alright!
My sister I hope that when I get home
You'll be just fine-

Ground holds my
Feet up holds my
Legs up holds my hips -
hips hold my
torso holds my
shoulders hold my
head holds my lips -
my chin being held up by my hands
held up by the table -
he looks at me with far away eyes -
coffee cup falling asleep in front of him -
the world dissolving into wavy lines and fuzz -
warm and thick like gravy -
he looks and me and he tells me I belong
I have a fat smile -
all my words dissolve like pats of butter on a pancake
and I feel like I belong

One day one of us will open a door
You might open a door to our new home
Carrying me across the threshold on your back
Or I may open a door
Carrying a stack of books
Or a picture of my face
Or a container full of take out
Or a bouquet of flowers
You might drop me on my feet and kiss me harder than you ever have before
Or I may walk slowly across the linoleum floor
My footsteps louder than they've ever been
I may hear the sound of music coming from our new bedroom
Or I may hear the sound of the machines keeping you awake
Or happy
Or even alive
You may smile at me
Or I may smile at you
You may take my hand and lead me to our marriage bed
Or I may take your hand and count the bones under your skin
You may kiss me
Or you may not be able to
We may finally be joined as one flesh
Or you may be moving farther and farther from me with every breath
But I will love you
And I will always love you

Sweetly humming melodies in my ear
Sweetly writing wedding vows in less than a year
Sweetly kissing every knuckle of every finger
Sweetly letting your lips on my lips linger
Sweetly whispering you love me on my cheek
Sweetly writing wedding vows in less than a week
Sweetly kissing every single inch of my face
Sweetly trying desperately to inhabit my space
Sweetly trying to find the perfect way
Sweetly wanting to propose to me in less than a day
Sweetly turning I into we
Sweetly knowing exactly how to love me

Billowing, malignant sentinel watches the door with dead eyes
I chase sleep in heaps under his dead nose - drifting through daydreams at one in the morning
Daydreams belong in the daytime he says with his dead mouth
Go **** yourself I tell his dead ears
You shouldn't be awake he whispers through dead teeth
You shouldn't be alive I growl at his dead face
He watches the door in dead silence
I don't feel any safer with him here
And yet nothing has tried to hurt me
And nothing will
I can see your laptop screen he says with a dead voice
Go **** yourself I say
As if he had the choice

Perfect wind
The perfect sin is nothing like the perfect crime
The perfect time
Is when I get to be with you - alone

My sky is all encompassing
Warm hands ever stroking
Dripping in blue and silver fluids -
Chemistry of a car crash -
Feeling your face so close to mine
Your voice speaking your mind
Nevermind me -
My darling, ever ever patient
Loving -
Sweet -
A sky for all that paint it

City WITHOUT houses
Cars WITHOUT complaint
People WITHOUT patience
Buildings WITHOUT paint
Portland ISN'T pretty
NO ONE likes it here
LOST its charm already
That's why they all DRINK beer