**** me slowly with a dagger.
Stab it in my wrist and twist it around.
Keep your hand on my chest to feel my gasps.
Keep your ear near my mouth to feel my screams.
Keep your knees on my hip to feel my struggle.
Keep your eyes locked on mine to see my humanity
Until I fade away.

**** me quickly with a gun.
Point it at my brain and fire away.
Keep your hand pressed against your thigh to hide the shaking.
Keep your ear ringing from the echo of the shot.
Keep your knees strong so they don't buckle.
Keep your eyes locked on mine to see my humanity
Until I drop to the ground.

**** me quietly with myself.
Put it in my mind and watch me follow through.
Keep my hand near my mouth to feed me the pills.
Keep my ears turned away from the thoughts in my head.
Keep my knees near my chest as I curl up to die.
Keep my eyes locked on the darkness of my eyelids
Until I fall asleep.

iloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouy­oudontidontidopleasesomeonehelpiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouil­oveyouiloveyouyouruinedmeiloveyouilovehimyoutouchmeimlonelyineedh­elpfromsomeoneandiloveyoubutilovehimandhedoesntlovemenadnietherdo­youyouneverdidihateyouihateyouihateyouihateyoubutdoiordoesmyheart­.

icantdothis.icantaffordtoopentoyou.andneverwilliagain.imstupid­.stupidgirl.shouldveknown.ishouldveknown..

and then i

As I run my fingers through the pieces of my life,
my heart will split and never be so again.
I said I was fine
and you believed.
I'll let my tears fall away
and though you'll never see,
I'll be here for you.
Because I'm still in love with you.

why is it
that when lovers are separated across countries or states,
their world is lonely?
we've had weekends apart,
many times.
so why is it that
Just because you're going to a different state,
i feel lonely
and miss you?
what is is about those extra miles
That make us hurt?
what sense does it make?
what's the difference between
Three days apart
and
three days apart
and someplace else?
why do those ****** extra miles
leave a tugging in my chest?
Maybe
this tugging
is my heart
trying to reach yours
because they've never felt this distance.
our heartstrings are intertwined
and being pulled by
those ****** extra miles.

i'm scared of love.