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I deserve everything
I deserve nothing
I'm thankful for what I was given
I am full of grief for what I lack
I see a friend with parents who move to be nearer
Who build her shelves and and brim with pride
Who enjoy her company and strive to help her succeed
And I wonder who I might have been with parents like that
What I might have done with a life free of neglect
I am gifted
I am brilliant
I am loyal
I am loved
And yet
There is a hole in me
That I don't know how to fill.
I can fix many small things.
I am hopeful
I can learn how to fix this too.
Sometimes we process our feelings through poetry.
Renée C Mar 16
I never really understood
what it meant to
ache
with longing,
but now
I know.
I think too hard about
holding your hand
or kissing your lips;
sitting next to you on a train
or your couch --
or mine
and I feel it --
a sweeping pain.
Literal actual pain
from my teeth
to my stomach
to the tips of my fingers.
A reminder of how far my heart is stretched,
reaching for you.
Long distance hurts, even when it's worth it.
Renée C Aug 2023
that I will take home with me:

park benches in the sun

your hand in my hair

the care with which you cook

wordless touches in the morning to say we're awake

my fingers on your neck

forehead kisses

smile lines

cobblestones

windswept hair

backrubs

blister bandages

morning stubble

sunscreen stains

your mother's cooking

dog fur

sleep-rasped voices

strawberries

train selfies

reaching for your hand

a neon dancing fish

your grandmother's coffee

your lip ring against my mouth

five thousand three hundred twenty-seven miles

one date seed
Reflections now that I'm home
Renée C Aug 2023
there is an ache in my chest
the size of my current happiness
the shape of your touch
that will crack my heart open when I leave here

I am altered
changed by the reality of you
I don't know how to go back
to the smallness of only seeing you
through a screen
every dimension of you
compressed
into my pocket
Renée C Jun 2023
in a few weeks
this ticket will
unfurl
stretch its wings
soar
in a roar of fuel and fire
quickly, but
never quick enough
carry me to
a strange new world
and finally
finally
to you
Long distances are hard. You make it worth it
Renée C Feb 2023
loving you feels
...different

it's not a headlong rush
not a quick descent to a hard landing
not scary
or fickle

it feels
safe
comfortable
inevitable

I have grown into it
learned to love myself
and in so doing
recognized
over time
that you were there
loving me
just the same
as you always have
Renée C Sep 2022
There lives this one guy in Kuopio
who is just a little bit dope, yo
his jokes are appalling
and yet he's enthralling
he's goofy, yet somehow I cope, though <3
This poem is also appalling. There's a reason my poetry doesn't rhyme. :P
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