12-14-12

What makes us think the way we do?
Why do we care about certain things?
Why do our hearts break?
Why do we trick outselves into being stronger?
Why don't we stop?
Why don't we slow down?
Why do we ignore wet faces?
Why do we pretend we're ignorant?
Why do we rush past others?
Why do we hurry past humans?
Why do we walk past ourselves?

2-19-12

Bright glares hitting your skin
Smooth and caramel
Made me think of the beach
And how easy it was to give in

Note: I wrote this sometime in the middle of June.

Silver, grey, slate, metallic, pink, tan, yellow,
Lime green; they were all the same..
As a door opened, a church bell rang
Another color flashed
Stop it? Stop it. Blue. Sky blue...
The full moon seen out a square
Open window with no pane..
No nothing.. naked, just naked..
Dark blue..
Beauty in it's obscenity

I have no idea
What's going to happen
In the future
Will I have a job?
Or will I have a career?
Will I ever go to college?
Or will I ever be homeless?
Would I buy liqour?
Probably not.
But let's face it.
I'm going to be lonely.
So.. Yeah, I might
Just so I can stop
Thinking so much
And drown my sorrows
In alcohol

I'm dieting
Sleeping a lot
Listening to loud music
Drinking lots of tea
Trying to hang out
With anyone and everyone
Having pointless conversations
Wishing I was high
To get my mind off you
But it's too hard
I don't know what else I can do
I got my undercut back
I'm going to get my gauges back
I'm going to look better
And feel better about myself
To forget you
To move on
I hope you notice me
I hope you dream about me
I hope you wish you missed what we had
Please come back
But until then,
I'll be doing me

Away, in a dream
Close, in reality
When you wake
You come to find
That you were close
All along

3-6-13
This is more like prose...
--------------------------------------------------------­-------------------------------------------------------------

Ro­lling the ballpoint pen between my fingers
Careful not to drop it
But there it goes again
As I'm far away in my own thoughts

My only escape
But I never picked it up again
Because he told me to throw it away
I would have picked it up again
My treasure, my everything

I became consumed and I hadn't noticed it was laying on the floor
For years
My thoughts were no longer my own
And the house was put up for sale

He died and I wept for months
I had nothing from him
I dreamed of the past..

I bought the house
Full of memories
Of when I spent every waking moment
Smelling the beautiful hardwood floors
And the fresh honeysuckles I'd taste in the spring
And my dad's musky scent.
It was all there.

I saw an ordinary pen on the floor
Then, I saw its faint designs.
And suddenly regretted forgetting to pick it up

It was the part of me that made me one of a kind
Like the design on it that made it different than any other pens
I laid eyes on.

I instantly felt lonely again
And wondered why he left so early.

8/31/12

What makes thoughts scatter
Exhiliration normal
Hearts tender
& eyes sparkle?

What makes pain invisible
Tears incapable
The soul warm
And lips into crescents

What makes voices inaudible
Everyday scenes art
Nature a fantasy
And life made for us?

A term widely used but
rarely understood
More rare than the largest-cut diamonds
Or most unique-colored pearl
Something thought to be seen, but unseen
Like fine grains of sand being blown into the wind
On a constant journey but never disappearing
Existing quite profoundly but hidden
Beauty in simplicity, a flower in the rain
Greater than looking into the night sky
It's breathless like looking into the ocean of stars
If only swimming in the lights were possible
Like they light up the night with their splendor
Stars transforming the dark into day
Love is very real, stealing death and transforming it
Into beautiful magic
That being life..hope

Nadamas quiero dejar de pensar en las cosas
Cosas que no deben de formar
Cosas que no quiero que sean realidad
Ay las tantas veces..
Que las e pensado
Cada noche cuando estoy sola
Las noches que lloraba
Por pensar en ti
Y todo lo que ha pasado
Como me siento
Que no puedo
Cambiar el pasado ni la situacion

9/26/12


Blots of crimson cloud

Waterfalls,splashing the surface

One by one

All of them fell

Dripping unto the stone cold floors

One intertwining with the other,making swirls

Making its lazy journey across the once-spotless squares

Streams of faint red following the way the grain went

Guilt chased innocence until it hid from sight

Red rained on guilt and then,a quietness formed

A quietness that even made innocence sick

9/26/12
Note: I don't title a lot of my poems.
I think it takes away the effect..
  

They saw me before I saw them

There were many of them

Thousands and thousands of butterflies

They watched me as I lay in the grass

They seemed so free

So light, so beautiful

I wanted to be like them

But I was in the grass

Bound to the earth

They, loose, in the air

I couldn't get up, I know, because I kept dreaming

Staring at the vivid colors blending together like a painting

I dreamed that I was in that painting

But it didn't change anything

It just made me realize something

That I wasn't amongst them

I wasn't free

12-17-12

Lost at words
But keeping my dignity
I walk past you
And all the other onlookers

I saw how you changed
But it's your life
But once you started to pierce me
I just knew I had to let go

Your eyes follow me
And we both know I can feel it
But do I care?
Well, let's just say, I'm keeping my dignity

You're trying to make me feel sorry but it wasn't my choice
Now, I'm not letting go of my dream
You're not bringing me down
Nor am I stopping for you

What happened to YOUR dignity?
Why are you trying to take mine?
You let it wash down the drain
And you're the (only) one to blame

Every action means I'm farther from you
Every walk is a stride
I can feel the ***** loosening
And no longer, your eyes

12-12-12

I knew the past before me
And the night I let it go
I remembered being afraid
But the next day, I had more strength

The following months ahead
were the most difficult to walk by
I had to remind myself that I was no longer chained
but as a new person breathing new air
Living as a freed slave that was no longer enclosed by a square piece of land
That was all I'd ever know(n)

11/4/12

Almond-shaped foilage cover the earth
Fortresses of breath-taking branches and limbs
Bark richly-colored by silver and white
All around, pigments of gold and burgandy surround
And up above, a blanket of white
Like a canopy
A pause present in order to reflect
And all I can say is nothing, nothing at all

I know how hard it is
When you can't look up
To meet peoples' eyes

I know how difficult it is
When you have to force
A smile when you see your friends

I know how irrational it is
To say it's gonna be okay
You just have to wait

But did you ever stop to wonder
How it got this way?

waves, full of life
running alongside you
back and forth, restless
tides acting like fingers
wiping away the salt
from the corners of your eyes
telling you that life never stops
doesn't stand still, even for you

It is August 22th.
Nothing special happened today.
Like usual.
Just disappointments and expectations destroyed.
Sirens.
Will you still love me when I'm no longer young?
And beautiful?
Will you still care?
Will you still wait?
If I got locked away,
Would you still love me the same?

11/5/12

Staying silent
Barely breathing the crisp air
In the night
Not a soul in sight.. No one to see my pain
Streetlamps flicker
Looking at them then away
To take everything in
While outside, in the fresh air
Outside the confinements of conservative opinions
Out in the world
On the porch
It's as real as it gets
My thoughts and myself
Someone could be watching but no one was
Wondering what is time
Staring past the lights, into the black
Turning my eyes away to try not to cry
To not let the lights smile brightly as my lips quiver
To not be exposed
To not let the world steal my soul
To not let anyone hear what troubles turn someone into
To stop the world from laughing

Hated to see that teardrop
That slid down your face that cold day

Loved you from the first moment
My eyes caressed your face

Didn't understand how people
Could be so cruel

That was the day
I vowed I'd never hurt you
Or ever tell you that I loved you

I wrote this on 10-27-12 and I wrote 2 versions of the poem.. I didn't know which one was better..Tell me what you think guys .. Also on the first version I was wondering if I should add a last line which would be "Last night's chaos" however I think it might take away the effect? or maybe it sounds more like a song sort of thing if I add it? But it's a great style..I mean repetition, you know? Feel free to comment ..It would be greatly appreciated

#1 (Original verson)


Clearly irregular
Jagged triangles
Piercing pain
Needles pinching flesh
Drowning the shards
Flowing red
Transcending across them to the door
It was from last night
Last night's chaos
The door, the only escape from this mess
And all this will be forgotten
As I shove the door ajar,
My eyes blur as I see your hand
And we're back to last night


Version #2

All of them forming an icy floor
Clearly irregular jagged traiangles
Piercing pain as needles pinch flesh
Flowing red curtains drown the shards
Transcending across them to the door
It was from last night's chaos
The door, the only escape from this mess
And all this will be forgotten
Every step an act of strength
Forcing my eyes to stare down the door
To force it open and As I meet my new life
As I shove the door ajar
My heart stops and I hear the glass shattering again
My eyes blur in a split-second as I see your hand
And we're back to that night
We're back to last night

My skin is raw
My flesh is burning
It's my own
Secret that the world is kept from
And when I heal
They wouldn't know the difference
Because summer is coming
And winter is almost gone
Like you yourself
But it will always be icy
Here in my heart
I never suspected I'd do it for you