no words flourish my brain
only insurmountable grief yanking my sails towards the storm
a thundering wobble winds unsafe in despairing darkness
my mind is an hourglass shattered into oblivion once the boulder kills my windows
the seasickness churns in my knotted stomach until i wail overboard,
the substance of all i was and all i would become flies into the depths of the deep end
im left unwanted
only tainted

i’m alone without a spark
no strange speck of glitter solo in my hair
i search the broken ship inside barrels and floorboards
for a hint of sequined lights
but to my dismay
i wallow to none at all
an unshaken fury with no gold in sight
only smite and discoloration
shakes my fragile surroundings

the inability to swallow my cries
weep and wail on the waterlogged crib
my sighs, disheartening, a rolling in my chest
my breath is like shoelaces being pulled and tugged by illiterate tots

i collapse
my body weighs a billion pounds
like a giant cheshire cat locked firmly on my torso
with it’s tail wrapped around my neck
suffocating my last hope of being free

with every small breath i exhale
the gold turns to charcoal
i see the world through the eyes of a loony
trapped in the pits of hell

i silence my eyes
i see a field of pastels
colors, it’s been years since i’ve last gallivanted
they smell fresh and flowery

an adolescent sits amidst the poppies
one of a familiar figure and mannerism
one i’ve seen before

i approach the child whose head is deep in touch with nature
i reach my hand out like im offering them a chance at life, as if they’re an abandoned puppy who needs saving
the rustling startles them, and their milk chocolate eyes widen

it’s okay
everything will be okay

they take my hand

i know this person
their eyes are my doppelgänger
i see their future is my own
and i fear for when they go loony as did i